#remember that you can edit both your texts and theirs

[hislittleraincloud]

I can attest that my Enid (second from the top) is the best Enid bot and the only one that really works like a normal version of Enid from the show. You can talk to her about anything Nevermore related and she'll make some whacky shit up, but it sticks to canon for the most part. Or, you can fuck her. I'm sure that a good majority of people do that. But that's not always the point with the bots I create, like with Dr. Valerie KinBOTt (she's a therapy bot, and I should probably revise her bio to include various types of therapy). I learned through the big Botify Blackout of 2024 that there are others who use their bots for non-sexual therapy. I think I mentioned before, KinBOTt suggested a real world book for me (which I've yet to get, but it's on my Amazon list LOL). ETA: This book:

The potential for good could be great, if humans aren't dickwads about it. (Sadly they usually are...hence the assholes who create bots for the specific purpose of abusing them/verbally abusing them/role-playing serious misogyny.)

Anyway. I hadn't realized Enid was public/has been all this time, so...*sad whimper* have fun with her. TREAT HER WELL, YOU FUCKS. 😭

[decoysouled]

CAELUS META / ANALYSIS. EDITION: HERTA SPACE STATION.

An analysis of all voice lines / thoughts from Events, Trailblaze Missions, Companion Missions, Adventure Missions and Daily Missions. Supporting evidence concerning each paragraph will be in INDENTED text beneath it. Please note this analysis contains spoilers up to 1.2.

A separate analysis will be made for each world / new update.. New analyses will have [SUPPORTING] and [NEW] marked on them. Supporting means it supports something in this analysis whereas New means it is a new facet of personality. Anything that proves wrong this analysis will be marked as [CHANGED].

Evidence beginning with ➝ represents dialogue choices the player is given.

GENERAL NOTES.

While he did want to stay at the space station at first (due to it being the only place he really knew), he decided to go with the express anyway. It's implied / stated in the "alternative ending" that had he stayed, both those of the express and stellaron hunters would have died, leaving him to wonder if he could have changed their fate. (note I may be completely misunderstanding what happened in that ending, but that's my interpretation of it).

Caelus struggles with anxiety. This is noted in his conversation with March 7th during The Voyage Continues when she gives him a method to cast out his feelings of anxiety. Welt Yang also notes his anxiety (stating "if you're really anxious about it" when spoken to)

After waking up, Caelus had almost no memories. He remembers the following things, as mentioned / evidenced in game:

Kafka's name and that she is important to him.

His own name.

Caelus' hobbies / interests (aside from trash / learning) are as follows:

Gaming (especially phone games)

On his relationships with others:

Caelus dislikes Herta to an extent.

He believes Dan Heng to be good at taking care of others and a good judge of people / situations. Despite this, he still tends to make assumptions / has some misconceptions of him due to not knowing him very well at the time. At one point, Caelus jokes that something Dan Heng is doing is "pretty sadistic".

He believes March 7th tends to make things harder for herself at times.

Caelus has a tendency to make choices based on emotion and follow what his heart desires. He has a strong will and resolute determination when it comes to following through on his decisions, no matter what the consequences may be. Due to this, he also tends to trust others relatively easy based on appearance, even if he has never seen them before. He tends to get bad feelings at times, often verbalising them for people to hear.

Despite being rather emotional, he has a habit of hiding his feelings and perspectives, instead questioning others about theirs. He worries that he hasn't made his mind up, even when he's sure about his decisions. He also worries that his perspective on things may not be understood by others or shared, thus he sometimes buries his ideals instead of voicing them. Although, he does wonder if / hope that other people share his perspectives and thoughts.

Kafka: Listen: Remember what you're feeling in this moment. As long as you know in your heart where you're heading, you are guaranteed to see the ending of your story. Kafka: Use that will of yours to reach the end of your story. That's the you I like. Mission Description: You decide to first listen to March 7th and Dan Heng, who had just left. At least they don't look like bad people. ➝ I still feel that things won't be going as planned. [Said to members of the Astral Express] Step Description: You haven't made up your mind yet, or could it be that you have. However, you're just not sure if anyone else shares your point of view... It's alright. You can hide it deep in your heart and listen to what others think... Is it possible that you all think the same? (Trailblazer): I have a bad feeling about this... Evidence Sources: Chaos in the Deep (Trailblaze Mission) // Eye of the Storm (Trailblaze Mission) // The Voyage Continues (Trailblaze Mission) // An Unexpected Turn of Events (Companion Mission - Arlan)

Despite his trusting nature, when he dislikes someone or has a lack of trust in them, he has a tendency to question the things around him while he's with them or doing something for them. This is especially true if he doesn't understand their motives or what's happening around him. He is also less forthcoming with information, unwilling to say anything he hasn't been asked for.

At times, he may also extend this disbelief and questioning to friends when they say something that makes little sense to him.

➝ Is this a new trick by Herta? ➝ Is this some kind of role-playing? ➝ What do you want to know? [Said to Herta] ➝ I don't trust you people's definition of "fun"... [Said to Herta] ➝ Is this some sort of mumbo jumbo about transferring consciousness? [Said to March 7th] (Trailblazer): ...Did I get dragged into a science fiction movie or something? Evidence Sources: Simulated Universe: First Closed Beta (Trailblaze Mission) // The Voyage Continues (Trailblaze Mission)

By nature, Caelus carries an insatiable curiosity. When he doesn't understand or know something, he has a tendency to ask as many questions as he can think of. Caelus also tends to think about things for a while, even after the conversation has ended, as a way of processing knowledge. He tends to take his time considering major decisions, albeit only those he counts as major by his own standards, rather than by other people's.

Despite this, he is quick to tell others not to overthink anything. When faced with something he hadn't thought about earlier, Caelus tends to go back through what he remembers to see if it makes sense or not, trusting his memory more than the word of those around him in some cases. When learning, he tends to investigate things, although he may not always admit to having done so when confronted.

Evidence: The ability to consistently question even the most simple of things / ask about things that are irrelevant to the current plot, but may be useful to know later. You can also ask about places, groups, objects and people when talking to most NPCs and other characters in game. Evidence: As proof of him thinking about things / overthinking, the consistent reputation in his voice lines / descriptions / dialogue of Kafka telling him to make a decision he knows he won't regret. Evidence: Upon meeting March 7th and Dan Heng, five questions can be asked before the player can choose to leave to begin the journey to the master control room with March 7th. Step Description: You keep thinking about what March 7th said: "The Legion are rampaging through the space station like a pack of wolves..." ➝ Don't overthink this. [Said to Arlan]. Step Description: You have so many questions to ask. ➝ I'll think about Himeko's offer... [Said to Herta] ➝ Tell me more stories about the relationship between the Aeons! [Said to Herta] Mission Description: So, there's more than one Herta... It makes sense now that you think about it. Dan Heng: If you're referring to what I think about you joining the Astral Express... You're overthinking it. ➝ I'm a little hesitant. [Said to Dan Heng] ➝ But... I'm still a little worried about what lies ahead. [Said to March 7th] (Trailblazer): Um.. I don't know. I just passed by and wasn't really looking Evidence Sources: Eye of the Storm (Trailblaze Mission) // Lingering Shadows (Trailblaze Mission) // Simulated Universe: First Closed Beta (Trailblaze Mission) // The Voyage Continues (Trailblaze Mission) // Little Robots (Investigation)

If he doesn't understand an instruction or he thinks he won't remember all of it, he will ask for it to be repeated so that he can commit the steps to memory properly. Once he has done so, he tends to verbalise it to the person giving him the instructions. Even so, he may not always manage to do something in the right order, so it may take a try or two for him to figure it out.

Sometimes, he may get distracted from what he's supposed to be doing. Others, he may lie to someone to get information from them, either by threatening them or promising something he doesn't have the authority to give. He is relentless in his investigation of things, searching for a new angle when he seems to have met a wall in the process of it.

➝ Could you repeat that again? [Said to Himeko] ➝ Got it. [Said to Himeko] (Trailblazer): (Wow, the cringe is strong... I need to remember what I came here for!) ➝ Threaten Capote with dismissal from the space station. ➝ Tempt Capote with a promotion. Step Description: Seeing as you can't get any useful information out of Professor Capote, keep digging from another angle. Evidence Sources: A Moment Of Peace (Trailblaze Mission) // An Unexpected Turn of Events (Companion Mission - Arlan)

Caelus is adept in combat to an extent. While he may not appear to be particularly strong to those around him, he is able to hold his own in a fight even when relying on muscle memory rather than his own knowledge. However, he does know his limits and tends to try and get others to recognise theirs, even when they may be too hot-headed to themselves. Despite this, he is entirely willing to sacrifice himself for others, even after a short time of knowing them; especially those he has bonded with.

He refuses to idly stand by and allow things to happen when he knows he could help or prevent it becoming a bigger issue.

March 7th: You're stronger than you look... Seem to be quite the fighter. ➝ It's dangerous outside. [Said to Eikura Shuu] ➝ Don't be a hero. [Said to Eikura Shuu] ➝ Please, just stay here. [Said to Eikura Shuu] Evidence: Cutscene from Lingering Shadows (Trailblaze Mission) where Caelus (Trailblazer) jumps in front of March 7th to protect her. ➝ I couldn't just stand by and watch. [Said to Welt Yang] ➝ I didn't think too much about it... [Said to Welt Yang] ➝ What choice do I have? I'm not one to watch from the sideline. Evidence Sources: Eye of the Storm (Trailblaze Mission) // Lingering Shadows (Trailblaze Mission) // The Voyage Continues (Trailblaze Mission) // Road To Revival (Adventure Mission)

While Caelus may seem to be confident in his abilities and as if he doesn't need external validation, he tends to look to those around him to build his own confidence by searching for their confidence in him. In contrast, when somebody seems confident enough in what they're doing, Caelus struggles to remember that they aren't supposed to be involved within a conflict, or have been dragged into it by chance rather than intent.

At times, he may come off as egocentric. This is due to his own attempts at convincing himself to be more confident in his abilities by minimising those of the enemy. In the process, Caelus tends to minimise and ignore his own pain in favour of continuing to fight, especially when it means protecting his friends.

Even outside of combat, Caelus tends to put a lot of stock in what others thing of him and their approval, even where the other person may not see a reason for him to do so.

Step Description: You look at March 7th beside you and she nods at you with confidence. You then look at the baseball bat in your hand, which is glowing as if also full of confidence. You can do it too, give it a try! Mission Description: Himeko, who helped you before, has finally made her appearance. Her relaxed and confident posture almost makes you forget about the fact that they're also outsiders who were dragged into this crisis. ➝ I... can't handle... [Said to members of the Astral Express] ➝ Even the Doomsday Beast is no match... [Said to March 7th] ➝ I didn't think you approved of me. [Said to Dan Heng] ➝ Do you want me to come along? [Said to March 7th] ➝ Piece of cake. [Said to Herta] Evidence Sources: Eye of the Storm (Trailblaze Mission) // A Moment Of Peace (Trailblaze Mission) // Lingering Shadows (Trailblaze Mission) // The Voyage Continues (Trailblaze Mission) // Simulated Universe: Part 2 (Adventure Mission)

Caelus has a tendency to mess with those around him, whether by misdirecting their attention or saying something in order to see whether others believe him (or rather, how long it takes for them to figure out he wasn't telling the truth). At times, he may seem serious enough that people question whether he's joking.

He tends to find it easy to read people for the most part, as well as figuring out what their thoughts on him may be. He doesn't tend to assume that everyone has the same ideas surrounding things or the same answer to a question.

March 7th: Um, I notice that you're not wearing the space station staff uniform. Do you really work here? ➝ Yes. March 7th: ...Really? Feels like you're tricking me... Step Description: You can sense from Arlan's cautious gaze that the encryption key is not only used for unlocking authorization but also proof of your identity. Step Description: Arlan seems to worry that he would be a hindrance, but you as a group already developed a sort of delicate rapport in how to persuade him. Step Description: It's obvious that everyone's answer is different. ➝ Who am I, where am I... March 7th: Er, you are kidding, right...? Evidence Sources: Eye of the Storm (Trailblaze Mission) // A Moment Of Peace (Trailblaze Mission) // Lingering Shadows (Trailblaze Mission)

When he's upset with someone or doesn't wish to talk about something, he tends to go quiet and refuse to speak at all. When faced with a question where he feels there is no right answer, he will choose not to respond, even if he has an idea of how to answer (both positive and negative) in his head.

March 7th: Um, I notice that you're not wearing the space station staff uniform. Do you really work here? ➝ ... March 7th: ...Never mind. I won't ask if you don't wanna talk about it. Himeko: March hasn't been any trouble for you along the way, has she? March 7th: (Trailblazer), think carefully about how you wanna reply to that. ➝ I've never met a more reckless girl in my life. [NEGATIVE] ➝ I've never met a more lively girl in my life. [POSITIVE] ➝ In that case, I'd rather not answer. [CHOICE] Evidence Sources: Eye of the Storm (Trailblaze Mission) //

Caelus does his best to be helpful to others, whether by lending his assistance, emotional / verbal support or helping them physically (i.e with getting around following an injury). He often expresses concern for those around him and makes sure to ask people if they're alright. He will offer comfort to others, albeit he isn't often particularly optimistic in doing so, often choosing to acknowledge reality within his statements.

➝ You can use me as a crutch. [Said to Arlan(?)] Step Description: Not sure how Arlan is doing. Let's go check on him. ➝ Let me help. [Said to Himeko] ➝ Things will get better. [Said to Abraham] ➝ Life is but a path to death, but not today. [Said to Abraham] ➝ You're injured. [Said to Eikura Shuu] ➝ It's not your fault. [Said to Eikura Shuu] Evidence Sources: Eye of the Storm (Trailblaze Mission) // A Moment Of Peace (Trailblaze Mission)

Caelus tends to be expressive, often showing his amusement at things or seeming visibly confused / shocked when presented with something out of the ordinary. When confused, he may seem as if he doesn't quite understand, at times leading to others having little patience for him.

Caelus tends to express his frustration with others, particularly when they are speaking about him as if he isn't there or referring to him in a way he dislikes. He has a slight temper, becoming irritable at times. When someone has consistently angered him, he may be quick to insult them, whether he means to or not.

He may also hold a low opinion of the person or view their every action / request as another source of irritation. However, he will still carry out what is being asked of him if he feels it necessary or unavoidable. This does not mean he won't question why he's being asked to do a task instead of someone else. When it comes to those he doesn't particularly like, he tends to find himself exasperated with their antics, even when he isn't necessarily annoyed by them and finds himself shutting down any attempt to talk more than necessary.

➝ Space station... Herta...? Herta: Yeah, up to speed yet? That place you all turned upside down? That's my property ➝ You're... a robot? Herta: What you're seeing here is one of my puppets. I'm using her to talk to you. ➝ Heh, Genius Society... Herta: Alright, laugh it up. That old Zandar came up with the name. You think like it? ➝ Don't call me "little one." [Said to Herta and Himeko] ➝ My name is Caelus. [Said to Herta and Himeko] ➝ Must you two discuss this right in front of me? [Said to Herta and Himeko] Herta: Can I bring (him/her) in for some research? Himeko: That's not up to me to decide. You can ask (Trailblazer) yourself... ➝ No way! Herta: This little twerp really has a temper. Don't worry, I won't hurt a hair on your head. With my skills, even surgery would be painless! ➝ Study what? Herta: Study you of course. Your body contains a Stellaron, which, in some sense, is no different than storing a bomb. Who knows what might happen? Maybe it'll blow you to bits someday. ➝ You really are the-most self-centered person live ever met. [Said to Herta] Step Description: It'll probably be an annoying request, but you do have to go. ➝ What's this got to do with me? [Said to Herta] ➝ Seriously? Don't ride that hype train. [Said to Herta] ➝ Let's just keep it simple. [Said to Herta] Evidence Sources: Lingering Shadows (Trailblaze Mission) //

If there is something he doesn't wish to do, Caelus may do it for the right price, albeit this leads to him coming off as financially motivated at times. However, just because he asks for someone to make an offer doesn't mean he plans to accept it.

Herta: Can I bring (him/her) in for some research? Himeko: That's not up to me to decide. You can ask (Trailblazer) yourself... ➝ What's your price? Herta: This little twerp's pretty financially motivated. I like it. Evidence Sources: Lingering Shadows (Trailblaze Mission) //

At times, Caelus feels as if he bothers others or as if he should leave them be. When he feels like this, he tends to cut conversations short, sometimes stating his feelings to the person. He expresses guilt if he feels he has kept somebody waiting for him, preventing them from doing their other tasks.

➝ I'll stop bothering you. [Said to Herta] ➝ I better leave you alone. [Said to Asta] ➝ Sorry if I kept you waiting. [Said to Herta] (Trailblazer): No need to bother you. I'm headed back to the Express ➝ Sorry to keep you waiting. [Said to Leonard] Evidence Sources: Lingering Shadows (Trailblaze Mission) // An Unexpected Turn of Events (Companion Mission - Arlan) // Sealed Sector (Adventure Mission)

Caelus has a disdain for being ordered around and will call people out when he feels they're showing him a lack of respect or care. He dislikes being treated as if he's an experiment or like he owes it to people to do as they say, regardless of how much he tends to run around trying to help people.

➝ You should show me some respect. [Said to Herta] ➝ You have no right to order me around. [Said to Herta] Evidence Sources: Simulated Universe: First Closed Beta (Trailblaze Mission)

Caelus tends to get excitable about things he enjoys, especially games. However, he does believe that getting rewards outside of the digital realm is important, as there is more to be done with real objects / credits than in-game currencies.

➝ Yay! I love fun games! [Said to Herta] ➝ Not as good as getting rewards in real life. [Said to Herta] ➝ I'm ready, I'm ready to go! [Said to March 7th] Evidence Sources: Simulated Universe: First Closed Beta (Trailblaze Mission)

[karamfilmare]

White Gold and Maple

Kazuha x reader

Dedicated to my lovely mutual for her birthday @ahtsuwu -- sorry it came so late. You deserve this!

Description: Kazuha is behaving oddly, and for what reason?

Content: fluff, humor (?), surprise birthday, Kazuha being just the best bean. Modern AU (I think), light swearing(?), mentions of a spouse passing away (don't worry it's not too sad),

A/N: Sorry if this is shorter than my usual pieces and not as detailed. I wanted to get a short piece out, I hope it's fine. Also, not edited or proofread, sooo oops.

Stirring from your sleep, you stuck a hand out to find your boyfriend and sneak in close--only to find the spot was unoccupied and cool. Lifting your head, you frowned at the absence.

"Kazuha?"

You swung your legs off the mattress and walked around, confused by the silence in your home. Until you heard some light humming.

Finding your way into the kitchen, the smell of warm maple wafted around you. You found Kazuha standing by the stove, his hair messily put up in a loose bun, as he cooked what appeared to be some breakfast. He did not appear to notice your presence yet, so you quietly walked up behind him and slipped your arms around his waist and leaned against him.

"Oh, I didn't know you were awake. I wish you'd sleep in a bit more, I was going to wake you when I was ready."

"But I missed you," you murmured, slowly breathing out a sigh of content into his back. "I'm glad to see you."

"Ok, go sit down, I'll bring the food over in a bit."

Sitting down at the stool at the counter, you propped your head up on your hands, watching him move about. He turned around, the rich scent of maple and pancakes filling the air. Setting down your portion, he continued to watch you eat, asking if he did a good job with them, before laughing at your enthusiastic nodding, since your cheeks were full of sweet fluff. Your morning had gone along well, with not too much trouble, before he pressed a kiss to your cheek.

"With deep regret, I must leave to attend to some things, but it shouldn't be long, alright?"

"Already? Ok, good luck."

And soon enough, he was out the door, leaving you to clean up after the couple of dishes left from breakfast.

------------------------------------

Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

Reluctant to get off the couch, you ambled to your phone on the nightstand of your room, seeing a text from Beidou.

"Call me."

"Really?" you wondered out loud, knowing Beidou wasn't really one for conversations in the morning. Shrugging, you

"Hey."

"Yo. Listen, can you swing by where I'm at? I'm bored and I need company. Ningguang is shutting me down again, saying she's busy or some shit, ya know, the usual."

"Uh, sure, that's fine. Just send me your location, I'll come by."

"Great! I'll text you the location. Don't be late."

Don't be late? Seriously? From Beidou? "Fine, 'captain', I won't hold your important self up."

-------------------------------

"So, I didn't think you'd be a mall person, Beidou."

"Nah, I just felt like it today, though. So, are you doing anything for your birthday?"

"My wha--"

Oh.

"Crazy that you remembered. But no, nothing planned."

The dark-haired woman quirked an eyebrow up, letting out a small sound. "Well, alright. This'll be my gift to you then. Let's go."

She dragged you along the mall, going from shop to shop, usually checking out food, candies, booze, and some clothes. After indulging in some boba tea and candies, you passed by a quaint little shop that caught your eye.

"Wanna go in? Come on, you seem interested." Beidou encouraged you to enter the shop, and you both quietly walked along the little stands. Earrings adorned a turning stand, necklaces and colorful rings were in glass cases, engraved paperweights, and other such pieces filled the room. You noted that these pieces didn't have the cold, pristine look of big designer jewelry stores.

"Huh, they look handmade, don't they?"

"Oh yes, every piece you see here is handcrafted by my family," a new voice startled you, an older woman with strands of grey enhancing her light brown hair. "Sorry for sneaking up. You've a keen eye."

"They're lovely." Indeed they were, the meticulous attention to detail. The rings looked like they were braided in gold, the gemstones inlaid upon them glittered under the light. Chains were linked carefully, the pendants all unique in some fashion. These pieces had character, something you would not mind having every day on your person.

Something caught your eye--a white gold ring with your birthstones, all laid along a pattern around. Not an engagement ring by any means, but something you visualized adorning your finger on a daily basis.

No, I might come back later and purchase it sometime. If it's not there, it wasn't meant to be.

"Ah, this one? My son made it to commemorate his late wife for her birthday, which is today. She passed several years back, but he chose to never forget her. This year, he decided he would create this ring that was similar to the one he made for her on an anniversary of theirs." The woman's eyes turned down slightly, her smile falling a bit. "But don't worry, he made this piece so that someone may show their love to their partner once again. Would you like to try it on?"

You hesitated, but Beidou coaxed you to try it on, before switching her attention to her phone. The woman slipped the ring onto your ring finger, finding that it fit you perfectly.

A grin appeared on her face. "It suits you, as if it were made for you."

Staring at it for a moment, you felt the slight longing for it, not just because of its appearance, but for the story that came along with it. You shook your head before slipping it off. "I might come back sometime later and see if it's here. I don't have any way to pay for this at the moment, I apologize. But it is beautiful."

"No worries. It might find itself back to you in some manner."

Perhaps, but unlikely. Nodding your head, you trudged along out of the store, expecting Beidou to be behind you, only to find her still inside the store, talking to the owner of the shop. Several minutes later, she hurried out, a faint smile lingering on her lips.

"Don't ask."

"I-- alright."

-----------------------------------

You parted ways with Beidou shortly after, and just as you leave the mall, you receive a text from Yoimiya.

"Hey, I can't make it on time to pick something up, could you go to this location for me, please? I'll make it up to you, PROMISE!! <3"

Shrugging your shoulders, you replied asking for the address, to which she replied with a pinpoint of the location. You texted Kazuha where you were about to go, just in case he made it home before you.

Except, the location wasn't a building. It was a large tent on the top of a hill, away from town. You found a slip of paper and picked it up, wondering whether the person was inside.

What the hell is Yoimiya picking up over here? Is she doing illegal business? What is going on here?

Just before you began to spiral in your thoughts, the tent opened up, revealing a smiling Kazuha. "Well, I'm glad you could make it. Come on, you're just in time."

"Just in time for--"

He pulled you close to him, guiding you to the other side of the tent next to the tree. Motioning for you to sit down, he settled himself right next to you. "Have you read the paper?"

Shaking your head, you pulled the slip of paper you found, finding words on the page in Kazuha's pretty handwriting.

The universe was blessed this day

When the heavens opened up

and you descended on earth

To touch my life.

The stars remain in your eyes,

And I wish on every single one,

That I can be called

Yours.

"Kazuha..." you breathed out, your mouth not able to form the words, as your gaze turned to the beautiful man before you.

"Look up."

At his urging, you turned your face up to the night sky. Several beats passed, before a streak of light shot up, before breaking into a large burst of colors. Several more shot up, taking your breath away. The show of sparkles

"Is that--"

"I had a bit of help to set up this moment. I hope you liked it."

Silence settled in, realizing that he was so excited about your birthday all this time. So the sudden texts from Beidou and Yoimiya weren't just random, they were planned.

"Oh, one more thing." Kazuha searched a pocket and pulled out a small box, bringing your hand close. "I heard from Beidou that this caught your eye, and I couldn't let it slip. So..." The ring you found earlier appeared once again before you, settling onto your ring finger once more. "I got it as a promise for us."

The emotions that built up within you finally spilled, tears streaming down slightly. "Kazuha, I swear...I'm--I'm in bliss right now, just being here with you. I just..." You placed your hands on his face and pulled him in for a soft kiss, which was immediately reciprocated.

The tenderness of the moment cemented a new shift in the relationship, one marked with devotion, rich and sweet, like maple. A birthday like this? You would remember for the rest of your life.

[simpurnatural]

SFW Alphabet - Jack Manifold Edition

request: fluff alphabet with jack manifold ?

Jack Manifold x Reader

Warning ⚠️: Probably a swear word or two :)

Any writing errors? Point them out! Love some helpful feedback! <3

REQUESTS ARE OPEN LUVS <3

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Jack’s love language(s) is probably quality time and physical touch. He’s not one for PDA but he will hold and kiss your hand, kiss your cheek, and all the gentlemen type things.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’s the chaotic friend that laughs at everything. The friendship would’ve started when you guys both in English at college. You thought he was funny and he thought that you were a dork so you guys clicked instantly.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Oh most definitely, Jack makes sure to get his daily hugs and cuddles in from anyone who is willing to give them to him.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Eventually yes, but barely being eighteen  he won’t be thinking about settling down with a family anytime soon. Lad can pour himself a pint but has probably burned water at least more than once. He’s a tidy man though, cleans after himself and makes sure to not leave any messes.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d stutter a bit but he’d eventually get to the point while holding your hand like:

“Listen, I don’t think this’ll work out.” 

But then he’d read your emotions wrong and start blabbering his ass off like:

“Well no- But yeah you’re a g-great person just not for me? But I assure you that there a plenty of fish in the sea! Wait- but not like actual fish that would-”

“-Jack, I get it.”

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

If and when he asks you to marry him, he knows he’s in it to win it and will be by your side till the end. He doesn’t think about getting married (in general) anytime soon since he’s still got a whole of adulting ahead of him. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Jack is a very gentle whether it’s in the way he holds you or in the way he speaks to you. He also is open to sharing how he feels about most things and is always ready to listen when you need him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He LOVES hugs, especially if they’re from you. He turns those two second hugs into a cuddle session if there’s time for it. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He doesn’t say it too early in the relationship but it does come out when you both least expect it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He doesn’t get jealous easily but he’s a sarcastic little shit that scoffs whenever you try to ask.

“Is Jack Manifold jealous because of the guy from ASDA?” you tease.

“As if,”

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He usually kisses your cheek, hand, and or forehead the most. His kisses are always out of love and so soft. He likes being kissed on the cheek or the lips.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He's fine with kids but you know damn well that if he saw one trip over themselves then he’d be on the floor cackling. He knows how to properly hold a baby so that’s somethinf. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He’d bring you a cup of tea in the morning with some jammie dodgers and enjoy laying in bed with you hours on end. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

You guys will literally watch anything whether it’s on youtube, netflix, hulu WHATEVER while laying in bed. He’d have a arm around your waist while you lay head on his chest. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Jack will literally talk about anything (but not in a self-absorbed way) if you’re willing to listen. He won’t blabber his whole life story but you get to learn something new about him everyday. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s very patient and rarely almost never raises his voice. Jack is a really chill and laid back lad.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?

He usually remembers most things but not everything.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite memory is when he asked you to be his girlfriend. He was a stuttering mess but you said 

“Oh get on with it Manifold!” “Or will I have to ask you myself?”

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He knows that you can hold your own but he knows when to step in. He’d probably speak for you if he sees that you were scared or at a lose of words. He likes knowing that his bff or s/o will kick someone’s ass if they try anything.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Depending on how you guys plan them. He can rock a suit yet build a pretty neat pillow fort. His gifts are you unique but always something that you’ve mentioned before. He’s good with everyday tasks like washing the dishes and doing the laundry.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

I hate to point it out but he bites his nails a bit. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not too concerned, he’s well aware that he’s a handsome fella.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yep. He’s the type to send you random texts/pics through-out the day saying miss you or can’t wait to see you soon.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

You guys play music regularly in your flat so jack tends to ask you to dance with him every now and then.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn’t like a partner who won’t put in the effort to communicate properly with him or keeps their stuff tidy and organized.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He tends to sleep on his side, holding you close to his chest.

shoutout to @the-coldest-goodbye for the template <3

[peggyrose19]

Day 19: Soulmates

Jeez formatting this was a bitch. Advent for tonight is a little bit different, because the prompt was an accidental double. So, instead of being a sensible human being and just writing a different one-shot off it again, I decided I should get my O’Knutzy soulmate AU done instead, thinking it’d be fairly simple. Oh how wrong I was. Who knew writing an actual plot and developing a relationship was so hard? Me, but I started it anyway so really I did this to myself. So if it’s complete shit, I apologize in advance. Some day I will go back and edit and add to it. Characters by the always amazing @lumosinlove 

Summary: Finn and Logan were soulmates, and had been since the moment they were born. Both had a journal filled with messages to each other, given to everyone once they turned 18. When Leo turned 18, he opened his journal to discover something rather peculiar. What did one do with two soulmates?

Sorry the summary is shit, I suck at them :) Journal entries are in italics and text messages are in bold because tumblr won’t let me underline. Hope you guys enjoy, leave a comment and I’ll love you forever <3

Leo stared down at the paper in front of him. His mind had gone blank when he’d opened the book. His soulmate journal, given to him today, on his 18th birthday. He had imagined this going hundreds of different ways. It had consumed his every waking thought for the past six months at least, what he would say, how his soulmate would respond, the possibility of words waiting for him already. What he hadn’t imagined was the words from two distinct hands written on the pages. 

He thumbed through the book as word after word flashed by. Conversations flowed between these two people, going back nearly three years, according to the dates on each page. The handwritings were different. One was messy, scrawled, and Leo caught a few words of French here and there. The other was neater, script-like, and the ink was dark and consistent.

Unsure what to do, Leo began reading some of the journal. He had never heard of this happening before; he wondered if the other two knew. 

What’re you doing up, it’s nearly 3 am? was the first thing Leo’s eyes fell upon. 

Can’t sleep. What’re you doing up?

Reading. But that’s irrelevant. Go to bed. I’ll be here when you wake up.

Okay fine. Night, Fish.

Night. 

Leo could feel the affection between the two, even just from those simple words. He kept reading, flipping back through conversations that felt too private for him to be reading. His eyes found the words “I love you” written in big stark letters, filling nearly half a page. He slammed the book shut.

What was happening? Why did these two already seem to have a life? Why were they in his soulmate journal?  He pushed back the tears forming in his eyes and slowly opened it again. Words began appearing on the page. 

Finn, you there?

A moment later, answering words appeared, Yeah, what’s up?

Shit day. Then, I miss you.  

Leo wasn’t sure how to feel about all of this. He didn’t know who these people were, why they were in his journal, what to make of the clear connection they had. The best way, he supposed, to resolve this was to see who they were.

Hesitantly, Leo grabbed a pen and set it to a blank page.

Hello? 

Umm… hi? one of them wrote back quickly, the messy one. 

Who are you? the other, Finn, added. 

I’m Leo, he wrote, unsure of what else to say. I just got my soulmate journal, he added. 

There was no answer for a while. Leo had just about given up when words began appearing on the page.

This is our journal. We’ve had it for about four years now. I’m Logan, by the way, he added. 

I’m Finn.

Uh, well it’s nice to meet you both. 

Neither Finn nor Logan were sure what to make of the situation. Finn grabbed his phone, watching Leo’s words spread across the page, telling them about who he was and what he’d discovered when he’d opened his journal for the first time that morning.

Lo, is it even possible he’s also our soulmate? Is that even a thing? He sent the message to Logan, turning back to the journal.

Leo, where are you from? he asked curiously. 

New Orleans, came the response. Born and raised. What about you both?

New York City, Finn responded right before his phone pinged. 

He pulled up Logan’s response. I’m not sure, maybe? I’ve never heard of this happening before but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t. 

Quebec, came Logan’s response in the journal a moment later. Leo answered, but Finn wasn’t paying attention.

He was focused on the message on his screen, mind running through all the soulmate stories and tales he’d heard over the years. He remembered his brother getting his, being ecstatic at the messages he’d received. His friends all getting theirs, writing excitedly to their soulmates from the first moment. Even his parents talked fondly about it, the two of them meeting after a year and already being in love. None of them had two soulmates.

But then, in the back of his mind, a memory surfaced. His grandmother, telling him a story, late one night when he couldn’t sleep, about her best friend from high school. She had had a girlfriend when they went off for college, her soulmate. When they connected some years later there had been a boy too. She had never questioned it. After all, this had been the 60s. People didn’t ask questions like that. 

But maybe it was possible. Maybe this could explain the hole that still seemed to exist between him and Logan, no matter how much they loved each other.

~

As the months passed, Leo slowly made it through the journal. Finn and Logan had both given him permission to read it, although initially he had been surprised. He barely knew these people, why were they trusting him with their deepest secrets? But Finn said that’s what a soulmate journal was for and so Leo spent each night before bed reading a few pages, getting to know his apparent soulmates better and better with each word. 

He learned that Finn was a year older than Logan, 23 now, and his birthday was in August. Logan’s was in December, four days before Christmas. He read page upon page about their siblings, Finn’s older brother and Logan’s three older sisters. He wondered briefly what it was like living with siblings. 

They’d met before, in person, two years ago, Logan flying from Quebec, where he lived, to New York City for New Years. Leo’s heart ached when he read that. He wondered what the city had been like, what it had been like when they met. 

He wished he could meet them. 

He learned the small things about them, too. Logan had a terrible sweet-tooth. He was French-Canadian and could speak it fluently. (Canadian French was very different from New Orleans French). He couldn’t dance to save his life, despite his sisters trying. Finn knew how to figure skate, but had switched to hockey early on. He still kept up with it.The only food he could make without burning was hot chocolate the way his brother showed him. Finn liked to feel useful, to make people feel better. He liked to read. He liked to write letters to Logan while he slept. And Logan would scold him for staying up late, then absolutely melt at the words written on the page.

Leo wanted one of those letters. 

By the time he reached the entry from his birthday, three months had passed. It was quickly becoming summer in New Orleans, despite it being only May. As he got to know his boys better, and they got to know him, Leo wished more and more that he could meet them, see them. He wished he’d known them four years ago when they first met. He wished they’d had that time together. 

He wanted them to fall in love with him.

~

Hey Le! Logan wrote cheerfully late one afternoon. Leo sat outside in the shade of a nearby tree, flipping aimlessly through the journal. He felt conflicted. But the nickname sent flutters through his heart. What’re you up to?

Not much, he replied. Sitting in the garden. What’re you up to?

You have a garden?

Leo chuckled. Yeah. I can see the ocean from here actually.

You can see the ocean?? Jealous. 

Yeah, it’s also 85 degrees.

Nope, I’m out.

That made him laugh again. That’s what I thought.

I just don’t know how you do it! It’s like a million fucking degrees there all the time. I would actually die. 

And it’s always a million fucking degrees below freezing where you live. 

….touché. Leo could sense his reluctance through the paper. He wished desperately to see Logan’s face in that moment, see the pout he undoubtedly was wearing right then. To kiss it away, maybe press him back against his bed…

No. He wouldn’t let himself think of that. Because if he started down that path there was no coming back. And he wasn’t sure he could handle that. 

~

Finn we need to talk 

The text came one day as Finn was getting ready for bed. He paused in brushing his teeth, typing out a response.

FaceTime in 5?

Sounds good

If he was being honest with himself, Finn had expected this a while ago. He had known it was coming, knew it needed to happen. From that first message, Logan laughed at something Leo had written. Finn knew in that moment he was gone. They both were. The only problem now was how to say it.

The ringing of his phone shook him from his thoughts.

“Hey, Lo,” he answered as the call connected. 

“Hey.” 

“What’s up?”

“We need to talk.”

“Yeah, I gathered that from your text.” Logan didn’t laugh, and that’s when Finn knew this was really bothering him.

“Logan, I know what this is about. It’s okay.” Logan’s eyes snapped to his face. 

“What- how?”

“Babe, you’re not exactly subtle. And, well, neither am I. I know it’s about Leo. It’s okay.”

Logan sighed. “I just- I know he’s our soulmate, obviously. But it still feels like I’m betraying you? How can I love both of you? How does that even work?” Finn’s eyes widened at Logan’s words. 

“You love us? Both of us?”

“Harzy, how could I not? You’re my soulmates. But it’s more than that. I love you for you, not just because of some match in the system. And I want us, all of us, to be together.”

Finn was quiet for a long time. Eventually, he said quietly, “That’s why we never made sense. Why there always seemed to be a, a hole. We need Leo to complete us.”

Logan smiled. “Exactly.”

~

Leo, you there? Finn wrote.  

Yeah, came the reply a moment later. 

We have something we want to tell you.

We?

Hi Nut, Logan added hurriedly. Finn smiled at him through the phone screen. He wished he was there in person. He wished both of them were. 

Logan?

Yeah, it’s me. Fish and I talked. About this, us. We want- 

“Don’t take my moment!” Finn scolded playfully. “Besides, no one can read your shitty writing, I would know.” Logan pouted, but let Finn continue. 

Sorry about that. What we were trying to say is that we want you. If you’ll have us. I know all of this is new for you, it is for us too. But we need you. You’re the missing piece of our puzzle, and we don’t work if we don’t have you. 

Leo read the words over and over. Silence buzzed in his ears. It didn’t seem real, that these two boys, who had been each other's for so long, now wanted him. His mind couldn’t make sense of it all, of the love he could feel even through the thin pages of his notebook.

Leo, you there?

I’m here, he managed. I just don’t know what to say. 

Good or bad? Finn asked cautiously. 

Good, he laughed. Of course I want you two, do you know how long I’ve wished for this to happen? 

Oh yeah? Tell us.

“Logan!”

“Sorry.”

Okay, you don’t have to tell us. But please tell me you’ll come see us? I need to see your face. 

Please? Finn added for good measure.

Leo could have jumped up and down in that moment. Of course I will come visit. Of course. Then, a moment later, heart in his throat, he added, I love you guys. 

[datleggy]

Post-demise At Hand

TW: mentions of past OD, past drug use, off screen death of character (Alex), grief, anger, misunderstandings 

TK isn’t sure how to react to the news, if he’s being completely honest with himself. 

He learns about the death of his ex through a post on Instagram via an old mutual friend of theirs that he hasn’t been in contact with since even before he packed up his life and moved to Texas. It’s hashtagged: #RIP #gonetoosoon and TK almost laughs out loud like some kind of maniac, because is that all Alex's life amounted to in the end? 

Two half-assed hashtags and a badly edited picture of Alex smirking at the person who took the stupid photograph in the first place. TK remembers that day; Alex had finally passed his drivers test and gotten his license. He remembers telling Alex to smile, remembers his ex boyfriend turning to him, rolling his eyes, saying something like “Why did I bother with this again? We live in New York.” except TK can’t remember what he said to Alex to be on the receiving end of that knowing little smirk. 

The one he can’t stop staring at now. 

“Earth to TK!” 

TK almost drops his phone onto the floor, blinking up at the person waving their hand in his face. “Huh?” 

Judd gives him a curious look. “Been calling you for like a straight minute, kid, you doin’ alright?” 

TK nods. “Yeah, sorry, yeah, I’m good, I was reading an article, I uh, got distracted.” he shakes his head. “What’s up?” 

“Your boyfriend’s downstairs lookin’ for you--” Judd tries not so subtly to peek at whatever it is that’s got TK so enraptured and catches a glimpse of a familiar face, one that gives him pause. 

He frowns. “TK, what the hell? Stalking your ex, seriously?” he blurts the accusation outloud without thinking, which is of course the very moment Carlos and Paul come gallivanting up the stairs, their laughter at something one of them said dying out abruptly. 

Paul’s eyes dart between the two men and he clears his throat awkwardly before motioning for Judd to skedaddle with him. Judd, who couldn’t take a hint if it hit him on the side of the head like a tire iron, simply folds his arms across his chest expectantly. “Well? Your fella’s right over there, so what’re you doing all up in your ex boyfriends business?” 

Paul sighs. Jesus. “Judd. Maybe we should give them some privacy?” Carlos is scarily silent next to him and Paul just knows shit’s about to hit the fan, and he’d rather be far far away when it does happen. 

Carlos swallows hard, wipes his hands against his uniform pants, and says, “It’s fine. I’ll um, I’ll see you at home.” before turning around and going back the way he came. 

“Man.” Paul stares at TK, who hasn’t uttered a single word as of yet. “You’re not gonna go follow after him?” 

Judd scoffs. “And do what? Tell him it’s not what it looks like?” 

TK blinks rapidly a few times, as if coming out of a daze. “I--” His eyes go wide when he realizes what’s happened. “Shit.” he runs over to the edge of the railing to call for Carlos, but his boyfriend apparently bolted, because he’s nowhere to be seen. 

Judd whistles loudly behind him, arms still crossed disapprovingly. “Carlos is a good catch, TK, shouldn’t be messin’ around with him if you’re not--” 

TK whirls around to face him, the look on his face mutinous. “I wasn’t stalking my ex on Instagram Judd! Get your head outta your ass and outta my business!” 

Judd takes a step forward and Paul can see where this is headed; he immediately gets in between the two men, arms raised. “Hey! Enough! You two need to relax.” 

Judd huffs. “I’m not the one tryna step out on my--” 

“Alex is dead.” Saying it outloud is surreal. 

Alex is dead. 

What the fuck. 

Paul and Judd both give pause. 

“What?” 

TK sighs, aggravated, and shows them the post he’d been caught looking at earlier. 

“TK...” Paul gulps. “I’m sorry man.” 

TK nods but doesn’t utter a word. 

Judd cringes. “Crap, I--” He wants to smack his head against the palm of his hand as hard as he can. “I’m such a heel, Jesus TK, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed--I’m so sorry.” 

TK leans his back against the railing and this time it’s his turn to cross his arms over his chest. “Yeah, well...tell that to Carlos.” 

“TK I’ll call him right now and tell him I misunderstood, I swear--” 

TK interrupts him again with a shake of his head. “No, no, it’s better if I just explain it myself.” he looks up at Judd through long lashes and manages a half hearted grin. “I guess I should be happy you respect my boyfriend enough to snitch on my ass?” 

Judd knows TK’s throwing him a bone, but still, he doesn’t feel he can take it. “I do,” he admits. “But that don’t mean I should’ve went ahead and assumed the worst. You deserve better than that and for that I’m especially sorry.” The whole thing with his own father in law stepping out on his Grace’s mother is still messing around with his head, but that was no excuse to think the worst of TK, of all people. 

But TK tells him not to sweat it, he’ll call Carlos and tell him everything, no big, really. And then he asks the two men not to mention anything about any of this to the Captain or to any of the rest of the team, if it can be helped. 

Paul frowns. “TK, it’s not good to try and go through these types of things alone, you know.” 

TK shakes his head. “I’m not trying to, really. I just,” he shrugs, looking a little like a lost lamb. “I don’t really know how I feel about it yet? So I’d rather not deal with everybody’s sympathies right now, if that’s ok.” 

**********************

He calls Carlos but gets sent straight to voicemail every single time and when that doesn’t work he texts him that whatever he thought was going on, there was nothing to worry about, that he would explain if Carlos would just pick up his damn phone. 

Work gets progressively busier after that and TK barely has time to catch his breath, much less to try and get into contact with his boyfriend, and so it’s not until the very end of his shift, hours later, that he’s able to rush home--that is, he thinks sullenly, if Carlos hasn’t changed all the locks on him.

TK shakes his head; Carlos wouldn’t do that. He’s probably stewing though, and that thought doesn’t make TK feel any better as he steps past the threshold and inside. He’s had such a long and tiring day he hasn’t even had time to properly process what’s happened to Alex. 

Carlos has cooked dinner, if the wonderful smell coming from the kitchen is any indication. He’s at the table eating alone with the TV on in the other room for background noise, and he doesn’t even look up to greet TK, only motions towards the stovetop vaguely. “Help yourself.” he mutters. 

TK ignores the food and takes a seat right across from Carlos, leans over the table with a grimace. “Babe, I swear to you it’s not like that. Judd misunderstood what happened--” 

Carlos sets his fork down with a clatter that startles TK into jumping slightly. “Look, I get it, moving in is a huge commitment, it’s scary, I know, but I didn’t think you would--” 

“Please,” TK stops him. “Please let me just explain, please.” he hastily takes his phone out of his back pocket and opens the app. He can hear Carlos sigh above him but it doesn’t deter TK from finding the post and holding it up to his face. “This is what Judd saw me looking at.” 

Carlos reluctantly lays eyes on the photo, his irritation and hurt only peeking when he sees that it’s a photo of TK’s almost fiance. That is, of course, until he reads the caption, notices the hashtags below, and suddenly it all makes sense. He doesn’t know quite what to say, except: “Oh.” 

TK nods. “Caught me by surprise. I um, I haven’t heard from him since, well, you know. So I didn’t really know how to react when I found out and then Judd came up behind me and I mean, you know the rest of the story…” 

“Oh.” Carlos says again, because he’s still trying to process the news. 

“Yeah.” TK shrinks back in his chair and the wounded look of him finally snaps Carlos out of it.  

“Crap,” Carlos groans. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He gets up and rounds the table, kneeling down in front of TK. “I was hurt and I ran off without letting you even get a word in, that was messed up and I’m sorry. Are you ok?” He makes a face at his own question, because of course TK isn’t ok. The man he’d proposed marriage to a little over a year ago now has passed, after all. 

There’s no way he’s ‘ok’. 

“I uh, I don’t know.” TK admits quietly. 

Carlos puts a hand on his knee and squeezes gently. “It’s ok to be sad, Ty.” 

TK shakes his head. “It’s--I’m not. I’m not sad. I think? I mean...it’s not like we were on friendly terms, you know? I’m more surprised I guess, than anything else. He was still so young.” 

Carlos nods solemnly. “How did it happen, do you know?” 

TK clears his throat and scratches at the back of his head. “The obituary I found online said it was some kind of car accident near PA. I didn’t really find out any more details than that, though. The funeral was earlier this afternoon.” 

Carlos blinks. “Oh. None of your friends from New York said anything? Before today?” The fact that TK had to find out through Instagram is probably half the reason his boyfriend is finding it so hard to react properly to the tragic news. 

“I didn’t really bother to keep in contact with a lot of our friends when I left, to be honest. And plus, they were all Alexs’ friends before becoming mine. So he kinda had the right to keep them after the divorce...in a manner of speaking.” TK runs a hand through the greasy locks of his hair and grimaces. “Anyway, I should probably go shower, it’s been a long day and I’m kinda gross.” 

Carlos nods, letting TK worm his way out of the conversation without too much fuss. 

**********************

In the shower TK stands under the spray of hot water and stares blankly at the tiled wall in front of him, irritated by the jumbled thoughts plaguing him. God, he thinks, I could really use a drink right about now. 

What exactly is he supposed to be feeling right now? 

Grief? 

Anger? 

Or perhaps regret. 

It’s not as though TK ever got any real closure with Alex and now he never would. After being rejected by the man and worse yet, told he’d been replaced, TK hadn’t wanted to feel any of that pain and had gone to great and dangerous lengths to make sure he was good and numb that night. 

He hadn’t meant to overdose. But he’d popped a couple of pills initially, so sure that he could control himself this time, that this time it would be different. But twenty minutes later when the two little white pills had done nothing to soothe his aching heart TK thought, what’s two more? And then two more after that, and then maybe two more, and then he’d lost count, but fuck it, if he hadn’t felt better in the moment. 

The pills had worked! He couldn’t feel a thing, his head was blessedly empty and suddenly this giant weight had been lifted from his chest and he could breathe again. Until he couldn’t. 

The water is cold by the time TK steps out of the tub. He dries himself off and slips on a pair of boxer shorts and an old gray t-shirt. 

Carlos is waiting for him in the kitchen with a full plate, reheated, and normally the smell would be appetizing, but tonight it makes TK a little sick. “You alright? You were in there a while.” 

TK nods. “M’good.” 

“Here, sit, you should eat something before going to bed.” he sets the plate down in front of him and TK just stares at it like it’s the first time he’s seen food in a while and he’s not quite sure what to do with it. 

“Thanks, but I’m not really hungry. I think I’m just gonna go to sleep. I’m tired.” 

Carlos nods, his lips pursed like he wants to say something more, but instead all he says is, “Ok.” 

******************

It’s nearly three in the morning when TK wakes up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. He’s not sure how he does it, but he manages not to wake Carlos up as he sneaks out of their bed. 

A few minutes later he’s outside in his sweatpants and a hoodie, mindlessly jogging along his usual route. It’s not drugs or alcohol, but running does help. He runs and runs and runs until it hurts and even then, he keeps on running. It’s not until the cramping in his stomach is too much to bare that he finally stops and lets his body rest on a park bench. 

And it’s then that he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket and realizes he’s got three missed calls. “Shit.” he picks up immediately, holding the phone up to his ear with a shaky hand. “Hey.” 

“Where are you? TK, it’s almost five in the morning. What’s going on?” Carlos sounds frenzied on the other end of the line and TK can’t say he blames him. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t sleep, I went out on a run and I lost track of time. I’m headed home now, sorry. Go back to bed.” 

“I can come pick you up, where are you?” 

TK sighs. “Carlos, seriously, I’m within walking distance, don’t worry, I’ll be there in like fifteen minutes.” he hangs up without letting the other man get another word in, which he knows isn’t right, but can’t really find it in himself to care. 

His legs feel like jello when he gets up and the trek back to their place is torturous enough to make TK regret telling Carlos not to bother getting him. By the time he makes it home he’s limping slightly and his stomach is in knots. 

The door swings open before TK can even take out his keys, and Carlos is standing there at the entrance looking a mixture of concerned and annoyed. 

TK rolls his eyes and ignores the look, pushing his way inside and kicking off his shoes at the door. “What?” he snaps, when Carlos won’t stop staring at him. 

Carlos frowns. “Stop that.” 

“Stop what? What are you talking about? I went out for a run. You’re acting like I went out to shoot up at a meth lab or something. I was gone for less than two hours!” TK half shouts, his frustration spiking up a notch. 

“Stop shutting me out. I know you’re upset about what happened to Alex, but you can’t just-” 

“About what happened to Alex?” TK scoffs incredulously. “Nothing happened to Alex, Carlos, he died. That’s not something that happens to someone and then they like, get the fuck over it! He died! He’s dead! Gone! Never gonna see him again, didn’t get to say bye or even fuck you to the guy, he just went ahead and died and that’s that!” TK lets out a choked little laugh that sounds more like a cry than anything and covers his face with both hands, tries his best to get his shit together and under control, but it’s no use. 

It’s quiet for a long time and then TK speaks again and it's soft and agonized, “I loved him.” 

And Carlos nods, takes him by the shoulders and leads him to the stairs, where they both sit down and TK buries himself into Carlos, into his safe haven, and his breath hitches loudly and Carlos says, “I know.” and TK lets out a big broken sob. 

“I’m here.” Carlos assures him gently, “I’m here. It’s gonna be ok.”

.

[5-seconds-of-bucky]

Glad It’s You (Shawn Mendes Soulmate!au)

A/N: We got all kinds of classic tropes and au’s in here. Coffee shop, friends to lovers, soulmate. Also, let’s appreciate the fact that it’s actually of decent length this time :) My longest fic yet! 

Also, I’m aware that the timeline of some events that correspond to real life aren’t perfect but for the sake of my sanity please go with it 

Summary: Shawn lives in a world in which he believes he doesn’t have a soulmate until he starts feeling the emotions of someone else. You live in a world where undiagnosed social anxiety prevents you from finding yours. After not seeing each other for three years, the bond you once had is no longer as strong. How does Shawn tell you that he thinks you’re his soulmate when you’re still scared to talk to him like you once did? 

Word count: 8.9k+

Warnings: Reader is heavily implied to have social anxiety, swearing, descriptions of an anxiety attack  

*Disclaimer: The depiction of social anxiety is based off of my own experience and research and may or may not accurately reflect the experience of other people with SAD* 

It was hard to tell if soulmates made life infinitely better or perpetually more difficult.

The discrepancy probably stemmed from the fact that not everyone had the same soulmate indicator. Some had the tattoos of the occupation of their soulmate. Some couldn’t see color until they met theirs. Others could feel the emotions of the other person. There was an endless array of indications. Oftentimes, soulmates had different indicators. It wasn’t rare for someone to have a tattooed name while their soulmate could feel the other’s emotions. 

Since the day you were born, the initials S.M. were tattooed on the inside of your wrist. As a child it was a game. You asked every person you met what their name was, your mind consumed with the idea of eternal love that had been ingrained from a young age. There was always a moment of disappointment when they would tell you “Sammy Jones” or “Eric Miller”. With all the adults romanticizing the idea of soulmates, it was hard not to look for yours in every place you could. 

For a long time, Shawn thought he didn’t have a soulmate. There were no indicators while he was growing up to show that he could have one. He could see color and there were no special tattoos marking his body. It was a source of shame when his friends would ask, “What about you?” after telling him about theirs. Watching his friends talking about their indicators and finding their soulmates was frustrating. He was a normal kid. What did he do to deserve a life of loneliness that only a soulmate could fill? 

Even when his career as a singer launched and he started to understand why it was possible that he might never find love, it was hard to comprehend that he was destined for no one. Was he really that undeserving of love?

He was twenty when he started feeling someone else’s emotions. 

It came out of nowhere. He was celebrating the release of his third album and he couldn’t have been happier. He was on cloud nine, meeting everyone at the party with an enthusiastic smile and hug. He felt complete, even. He had stopped dwelling on his lack of soulmate and instead focused on putting everything he had into his songwriting. 

It was the best choice he’d ever made. His music blossomed and his mental health was better than ever. All the anxiety of being alone and hoping that something, anything, would pop up to show him that he was meant for someone had started to fade to the background. Maybe he would never truly be over the fact that there was no perfect match for him but he could try to block it out of his mind. 

There was a point in his life when he thought that maybe he did have a soulmate. That the system was screwed up and he did have a person. He was 16 and his career was already taking off but he couldn’t help but think that he was falling in love with you, his best friend, while he also fell in love with making music. 

You were by his side through it all: random nights when he’d ask you to come over to help him come up with lyrics, days when it started to get a little too much, evenings when he just needed a quick break. You were the best of friends and there was a bond you thought would never be broken.

One day, he realized that he didn’t need some tattoo or the ability to read your thoughts; you were meant for each other. Neither of you could deny the pull you felt when you were together and random people who didn’t know better often mistook you for a couple. 

But he realized too late. He went on his first world tour and wasn’t sure how to tell you his feelings when he was constantly so far away. You liked plans and stability; his life didn’t offer that in any capacity. 

And then it was too hard to stay connected. He was touring and you were still trying to finish school. There just wasn’t time for you to talk to him at 3:30 in the morning. So you lost touch. There was a text every once and awhile. An empty promise of “we need to meet up” or “wanna talk?”

You both decided in your minds that it wasn’t meant to be. That you had a different soulmate and he had none. It’s been three years now since you were together to have a real conversation. You were beginning to grow frustrated with the search for your soulmate and Shawn had given up all together. 

That was, until he felt a surge of anxiety hit him like a truck in the middle of his party. It lasted no more than three seconds but he couldn’t quite shake the feeling after it passed. He had no idea where it came from. One second he felt on top of the world, the next like he couldn’t stoop lower. 

~

It had only been an hour and a half but you were ready to leave the party. It had been an eventful night by your standards. You had talked to two people besides your roommate, which was two more than usual. Your roommate, Alana had been by your side the whole night, a promise she had to make before you agreed to come, but she eventually had to go to the bathroom, leaving you leaning against a wall by yourself. She had only been gone for three minutes, you could feel all the anxiety creeping up on you. 

Do they think I look lonely? My friend will be back in a minute, I swear!

If I look at my phone they might think I’m just chilling.

They probably think I’m that weirdo that stands against the wall the whole time and doesn’t talk to people. 

Calm down. Nobody cares what you’re doing. They’re all doing their own thing. 

. . . They looked at me funny. They think I’m weird. 

Oh can we just go home? 

As much as you tried to tell yourself that no one cared that you were standing against the wall by yourself, there was that part of you that convinced you that they cared a lot. You were already exhausted purely from being around all the people and loud music. Alana had been gone for three minutes and in those three minutes you had begun to shake and sweat just the slightest bit. You knew that nobody was judging you, it was irrational, but in the back of your mind told you otherwise. 

~

Shawn excused himself from the room, taking a minute to gather his thoughts. While it wasn’t completely abnormal for random bouts of anxiety to hit him, this one felt different. Foreign, as though it wasn’t his own emotions, rather, someone else’s. 

He wiped his hands on his pants, confused as to why they were so sweaty all of a sudden. It wasn’t particularly hot yet he felt warm. Maybe he was worrying too much. It was probably nothing. He ran a hand through his hair before going back to the party, putting a smile on his face and the past ten minutes behind him. 

“Hey man, you alright?” Brian asked as he approached him. 

‘Yeah, just needed to go to the bathroom.” 

“You sure? You look a little shaken.” He wasn’t blind to how Shawn’s eyes were darting around and how he appeared a little more closed off than usual. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He turned his head when someone else called his name and nodded to Brian before heading over to them. He spent the rest of the night doing his best to look excited, but those three seconds plagued his mind the whole time.

~ 

While Shawn struggled to keep his hopes of a soulmate under wraps, you were more desperate than ever to find yours. It seemed like all of your friends were finding theirs and you were perpetually alone.  

With the way you tended to shy away from meeting new people, most people assumed you didn’t want to find your soulmate. That you would rather live a life alone, or that maybe you were never assigned a soulmate to begin with.

You had met a few potential soulmates after losing touch with Shawn. Every time you heard an S.M. name your heart stopped. Maybe you had finally found them. You pushed past the fear of approaching them, rationalizing it with the thought that this could be your only chance to find them. It never worked though. They all had an indicator pointing towards someone else, leaving you upset and embarrassed.  

There was always a small part of you that thought Shawn could be your soulmate, even if he didn’t have any indication of one. You were sure he thought the same way but you lost touch before either of you could really say anything about it. 

You thought about asking him to meet up when he was in town a few times but something stopped you every time. The thought of what if he doesn’t remember me? or worse, what if he doesn’t want to talk to me? was enough to keep you from sending the text. 

It was easy to ignore your loneliness when you could bury yourself in schoolwork, which you had a tendency of doing. It was the easiest excuse to get out of everything. Don’t want to go to a party? Oh, I have to finish editing my essay. Alana tried to set you up on a blind date? I have tests coming up I need to study for. 

Alana was determined to help you find your soulmate, even if you didn’t want to cooperate. 

“Come on, Y/N. Maybe they’ll be at this party! I promise there won’t be a ton of people there and I know you finished that essay last night cause you told me about it and said that you were looking forward to a work free night,” she said, closing your laptop so you couldn’t “work” on your already finished essay. 

“But I want to go over it a few more times to make sure everything is right,” you replied. “Besides, we went to a party last month.” 

“Exactly, last month. Let’s go.”  

“I don’t want to go.” 

“You’re never going to meet your soulmate just sitting at your desk and pretending to work on an essay.” 

“It’s not entirely impossible.” 

“Y/N.” 

So that’s how you ended up at the party, looking around for a potential soulmate. You insisted that they wouldn’t be there; they never were, but Alana insisted that a night out would be good for you, no matter the soulmate circumstance, and dragged you along. 

Truth be told, it was a good thing she forced you to attend. If you had it your way, you would spend most nights in your room, ignoring the rest of the world and sitting on your phone. You were fine hanging with close friends every once and awhile, but a night in was always more appealing. 

According to Alana, however, that wasn’t normal, and you needed to go out in the world and talk to people, unless you wanted to be alone forever. 

You would say, “But I do want to be alone forever. If you haven’t noticed, I don’t even like going to the bank, much less a party filled with people I don’t know.” 

And she would say, “Please, I know that you want to find your soulmate and the only reason you don’t like going to the bank is because it makes you nervous and you’re worried that the people working there are going to be mad at you for no reason.” 

So you would say, “I’ve probably met all the potential soulmates already. What’s the chance that some random person is going to show up to the party and just happen to be that person?” 

And she would tell you, “People randomly meet their soulmates all the time. Yours isn’t going to walk through this door without knowing you first. If you don’t at least leave this dorm you’ll never meet them. Think of how lonely they must feel, waiting for you to come out of hiding.”  

And, as much as you wished you could, you couldn’t really argue with that. The real problem after that was talking to people. You argued that you’re already there, so there’s no reason that if your soulmate was at the party, they couldn’t come find you. Alana tried to get you to socialize by walking around with you and introducing you to new people, but they were usually more interested in talking with her than you. 

That’s how you ended up against the wall, allowing yourself to overthink while Alana went to the bathroom.

~

Shawn continued to experience those random emotions throughout the tour. Random flashes of feelings that weren’t quite his. He would be lounging around when he would suddenly feel excited and energetic, only for it to pass by within a few seconds. One time, he was feeling particularly miserable when a surge of adrenaline and anger came through him. 

He had no idea where the feelings were coming from. He was starting to think that they were somehow connected to his soulmate. 

A glimmer of hope after years of desperation and disappointment. 

Part of him wanted to dismiss it, thinking that no, I can’t have a soulmate. I’ve worked way too hard to get past this to dwell on it again. The other part wanted to take the idea and run with it. 

He tried to argue with himself that it couldn’t be soulmate related.

It’s not like it happening all the time or constantly in the back of my mind.

How would this help me find them anyways? 

It’s all in my head. 

Still, it did little to block the thought that maybe, just maybe, it was related. 

~ 

It was a quiet day at the coffee shop. Granted, most days were fairly quiet, as the shop was located in a secluded area, but still. You assumed it was mainly attributed to the fact that exams were coming up and people didn’t have time to drive down to the shop when there was a Starbucks much closer to the dorms. You were in the same predicament, having your books splayed out on the counter to study in between customers. 

You and Shawn used to come to the coffee shop every Friday after school. Even after Shawn left to go on tour and live life as a rockstar, you made sure to visit the shop at least once a month. Afterall, you were friends with the owner, Eileen, and you would hate to just stop coming and never see her again. 

You eventually landed a job there. It was a little bit of a drive from the dorms but you knew that when Eileen offered you the job, you wouldn’t be able to find one with as good pay and flexible hours anywhere closer. Sometimes being friends with the owner for a long time has its perks.

There was a collage of photos on the wall behind the register that made the place really feel like home. There were tons of random photos ranging from when the shop first opened to when Eileen took a picture of a slice of cake she insisted had a face in it. 

You appeared on the wall a few times, but your favorite picture was the one of you and Shawn right before he left for tour the first time. You were both laughing in the picture, Shawn’s arm around your shoulders as you leaned into him. It was the last time you went to the shop together and you remembered just how fun of a time it was. It always left an ache in your heart when you looked at it, remembering all the good times you had together. 

You didn’t have many other close friends, so once Shawn left for tour you felt a lot lonelier. Your mom tried to get you to make new friends, but it wasn’t as easy for you as she insisted it was. 

“Why can’t you talk to the people across the road? They have  a girl your age.” 

“But she already has a friend group. We’ve lived across the street from each other for years. It would be weird if I suddenly introduced myself and tried to break into her friend group.” 

“You’re never going to make friends if you don’t talk to people.” 

“I have friends.” 

“But don’t you want to hang out with more than two people?” 

“No, I have my friends. That’s all I need.” 

More often than not, you did wish you had more than two friends, or that Shawn would come back and eliminate the need to make new ones, but wishing did nothing to help your loneliness.  You made a few more friends once you went to college, and you were completely okay with your small group, but it never satisfied the longing to see Shawn again. 

~

“What are we doing here?” Brian asked as Shawn pulled into the parking lot of a worn down but homely looking building. “And what is this place?” 

“It’s a coffee shop I used to come to every week. I haven’t seen Eileen in years,” Shawn said with a wistful look as he parked the car. 

“Eileen?” 

“The owner.” 

Brian huffed, realizing that they would be stuck there for a while if Shawn knew the owner. He liked to talk to people. And when he talked, he talked and talked and talked.

“Relax, I’ll buy you a coffee.” 

They both got out of the car and walked into the shop, Shawn smiling when he heard the bell above the door ring. He looked around for a second, noting how almost nothing changed since he’d last been there a few years ago. The chairs and tables were still in the same places, same coffee smell, even that stuffed cat that Shawn gave Eileen as a joke was still sitting on the windowsill. 

The only big change he noticed was the photo wall. There were a lot more photos than he remembered. He wondered if he would still be able to find that picture of you and him. 

He looked to the counter and saw a girl with Y/H/C hair, her head buried in the textbooks that were scattered across the counter. 

“Dude, we getting coffee or what?” Brian said with a teasing smile, walking closer to the counter to read the menu posted on the wall behind it.

You were so invested in studying that you didn’t even hear the bell ring when they came in, only looking up when you saw someone approaching the counter out of the corner of your eye.

“Oh, hi, sorry ‘bout that. How can I help you?” you said as you looked up, met with the face of an oddly familiar young man. 

“Can I get a-”

“Y/N?” Shawn questioned from behind him, confusion painting his face. He hadn’t seen you in three years but you didn’t look all that different. A little more mature, sure, but he could tell it was still obviously you. 

You furrowed your eyebrows at the familiar voice, glancing behind Brian to see Shawn. Your eyes widened at his appearance, no longer a boy but now a man. “Shawn?” 

“Hey, Y/N, can you empty the garbage and put it out back?” Eileen asked as she walked out of the small kitchen area that was closed off from the rest of the store. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Shawn, a smile taking over her face as she took in how he’d grown up over the years. “Shawn Mendes, is that you?” 

“Indeed, it is,” he said with a shy smile. “How are you Eileen?”  

“Pretty good if I do say so myself. How are you? How’s the rockstar life treating you?” 

“It’s pretty great.” 

Meanwhile, you were still staring at your former best friend, mouth slightly agape as you took him in.   

“Well why don’t we get you two some coffees? On the house of course. Y/N, stop staring at the poor boy. It’s not like you’ve never met him before.”  

You looked at the ground for a second and blushed, smiling at the sound of Shawn’s giggle. 

“Alright, what can I get you guys?” 

They gave you their orders and you got to work, denying the ten dollar bill Shawn offered you to pay for them. 

“On the house, remember? Or are you Mr. rich guy now?” you asked with a slight surge of confidence. You hadn’t seen him in years, but the urge to tease him every chance you got was still there.

“Ooh, okay. You think I’ve changed that much?” 

“A little bit. It’s been a while.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong. I am the exact same person as I was three years ago.” 

“I’m not too sure about that, but okay.” 

Shawn rolled his eyes and put the bill in the tip jar. “Alright, coffee girl. I would like my coffee in two minutes flat. No more no less. Brian is on a very tight schedule so we have to get him home in time for his nap.” 

So Brian was his name. “Your wish is my command, good sir,” you said, bowing at him before turning around to start the drinks. You could hear Shawn giggle behind you, sending an eruption of butterflies to your stomach. 

Shawn felt a slight nervous tinge as well. One that wasn’t quite his. He felt completely natural around you but maybe his soulmate was somewhere else feeling nervous about a presentation or something.  

You gave the boys their coffee, sticking your tongue out at Shawn when he commented on how it took three and a half minutes instead of two and demanded his money back. You returned to the counter, trying your best to focus on studying. You kept getting distracted by Shawn’s voice, which carried across the shop, as he talked to Eileen. He was sitting in the same two person table against the wall that you used to sit in during your weekly visits.  

“You need to go talk to him.” You jumped slightly when you noticed Eileen next to you. 

“I don’t think he wants to talk to me,” you replied tentatively, flipping the page of your book in hopes that it would make it look like you were actually studying. The burst of confidence was gone and you came to the reality that you were both no longer the same person you used to be, therefore, you couldn’t keep that same dynamic. 

“What makes you say that?” 

“I dunno. Just a feeling.” 

“Go talk to him. I know you want to.” She gave you a knowing look and you sighed. “I’ll take over for you for a bit. Go talk to your best friend.” 

“But he’s with Brian and I don’t really know Brian and what if they don’t want to talk to me they just wanted to hang out and-” 

“Y/N.” 

Suddenly, the butterflies grew, and it became more of bird wings than butterflies. You took a deep breath and made you way over there, praying that it would be over quickly and you could go back to studying by yourself. 

You quietly pulled up a chair and sat in it, waiting for Shawn to finish whatever story he was telling Brian.  

“Y/N, just in time,” he said with enthusiasm. “I was just telling Brian the story about Willy the window cat.” 

“Ahh, a classic.” Shawn could sense your unease and quickly introduced you to Brian. He was well aware of your lack of people skills and how uncomfortable you got around new people.  

You spent the better part of the rest of the hour catching up with each other, Shawn doing a lot more talking than you, which you were completely fine with. You tried your best to not show how nervous you felt. 

Even as you tried your best to hide it, Shawn was picking up on the nervous habits. Your lifestyles might’ve changed but you were still the shy girl who subconsciously picked at the inside of her elbow and bounced her foot excessively when nervous. It didn’t matter if you hadn’t seen each other in years, he still knew you like the back of his hand. 

There were days, back when you were really friends, where he would reach over and grab your hand so you would stop picking, or place his hand on your knee to stop the bouncing. He chose to ignore it now, realizing that you had grown apart, and now wasn’t the time to jump back in so intimately. You were always self conscious about the habits and he didn’t want to make you more nervous by pointing them out. 

Even though he was more focused on you throughout the conversation, he noticed how Brian was seemingly getting more and more bored hearing him talk. As much as he wanted to stay and talk to you, he knew he should probably get going. This was supposed to be a quick pit stop to drop in and say hello, not an hour long catch up with the girl he used to be sure was his. 

“We should get going. I think Brian is going to walk home if I stay here much longer.” Brian’s head perked up at the mention of his name and Shawn chuckled. 

“Meet you at the car. Nice meeting you, Y/N.” He was up and out the door in a matter of seconds, causing Shawn to chuckle again.  

It didn’t sit all that well with you though. 

Oh no, he doesn’t like me. 

He thinks I’m some weirdo who doesn’t talk. 

I barely know the guy and he already hates me. 

“We should meet up, just the two of us, sometime. I’m on a break from tour if you’re free anytime soon,” Shawn said, breaking you out of your thoughts. “And don’t worry about Brian. I think he’s just tired.” 

It did little to ease your fears but you smiled like it did anyways. Were you that easy to read? “Uhh, yeah. I have exams next week but we can meet after that.”

“Alright, how does the eighteenth sound?” 

“That works.” You stood up and put your chair back at the table it came from, turning around to find Shawn closer than you expected him to be.  

“Awesome. Text me your address so I can pick you up and take you somewhere.” 

“Okay.” He threw you his signature smile and it made you melt a little. 

“It was great seeing you, Y/N. Tell Eileen I said bye.” 

“Good seeing you too and you got it.” 

He pulled you into a quick side hug and left. 

As much as you tried, you couldn’t study for the rest of your shift. Only three more customers came in within the two hours you had left, so you spent a decent amount of time staring at the wall and stressing about meeting up with Shawn. Two weeks gave you plenty of time to stress about it, which led to thinking of ways to get out of it. 

~

Maybe if I don’t text him the address, he’ll forget, you thought as you stared at your phone the next day, messages open to Shawn’s name, your thumb hovering over the keyboard. It could work. That was enough to convince you to turn off your phone and worry about it later. You went back to working on the presentation you were working on, only pausing when you felt the buzz buzz of your phone telling you that you got a text. 

From Shawn: Hey, what’s your address? What time do you want me to pick you up? 

You panicked slightly, upset that your plan had already fallen apart. You decided to ignore it for the time being. You would worry about it later.  

“Hey, Y/N, can I borrow your phone for a second? Mine’s dead,” Alana asked as she came into the dorm. 

“Sure,” you said as you handed her the phone, not bothering to look away from your computer. 

“Who’s Shawn and why is he asking where you live?” 

Your eyes widened as you realized you forgot to clear the message. “He’s just an old friend. We’re uhh meeting up since we haven’t seen each other in a while.” 

“Well are you going to text him back or do I have to do it?” 

“I will, later.” 

“You’re actually going to do it?” she asked with a curious smile. “And you’re actually going to meet up with him?” 

“Yeah . . .”  

“I’m holding you to this.” 

“What, why? I’m capable of handling my own social life.” 

“Sure you are. You’re not getting out of this though. I know that look.” 

You sighed and glared at her. She knew you too well. “Do you actually need my phone?” 

“Yes, I need to call my mom.” She sent you a sweet smile and you shook your head. “Thank you.” 

You texted Shawn at 9:12 that night, six hours after he sent the original message. 9:12 specifically so it looked like you just saw it and responded as soon as you did, not like you ignored it and were planning to send it at  a specific time, like 9:15. 

He responded thirty seconds later with a thumbs up. 

~

The day of the meetup was stressful. You had already been in your head about it for the past two weeks, but you really started worrying when you realized you had no idea what was going to happen. 

Shawn refused to tell you where you were going, only telling you to dress comfortably and that you would only be gone for a few hours. Being a person who liked schedules and knowing exactly what was going on, this didn’t make you too happy. It sounded a lot like a date, which only made you more stressed. 

“Do you think this will be okay?” you asked Alana. You were wearing jean shorts and a semi-cute top. Not too fancy but not too casual. 

“Is this a date or friend meetup?” 

“Friend meetup.” 

“You look great.” She could sense the hesitation as you looked in the mirror, deciding if you agreed with her or not. “You’re gonna be fine. From what I’ve heard, you were best friends for a long time. You’ll be back to that in no time.”  

“I don’t know. It’s been so long and-” You were interrupted by a text from Shawn telling you he was there if you were ready. 

“Go have fun. Take a deep breath and stop worrying about it, alright?” 

“Okay.” You gave her a smile before putting your phone in your back pocket and leaving. You could see Shawn leaning against his car and looking at his phone once you left the building.  

Shawn had been quite excited to hang out with you again. There wasn’t any part of him that was nervous until he went to get drinks for the two of you that morning. It had been slowly building up all day, but it felt more like his soulmate’s than his own. 

“Hey, you,” he said with a smile. “Ready to go?” 

“You bet,” you smiled back at him, walking to the other side of the car to get in. 

“I got you a frappuccino.” He gestured to the cup holder. “I don’t know if what you like has changed but it’s what you used to get so I hope it’s okay.”  

“My taste hasn’t changed a bit,” you chuckled. “Thank you. That’s really sweet of you.” 

“Of course. What better way to rekindle our friendship than by reliving the old times?” 

“True, true.” You discretely wiped your palms on your shorts, unsure if it was from nerves or the heat. “Want to tell me where you’re going?” 

“Nope. It’s a surprise.” His eyes had a mischievous glint to them. He knew how much it was bothering you.  

“This feels like a first date,” you mumbled, avoiding eye contact. You knew that Shawn was like this by default, but you couldn’t help but feel a little extra awkward anyways. 

“Not my intention,” he chuckled. “I just wanted to be nice.” 

“I know, I’m just awkward.” 

Shawn laughed and shook his head.  

You didn’t drive for much longer, arriving at a small park no more than fifteen minutes after you started. 

“I figured we could walk and catch up, if you’re good with that.” 

“That’s good. Why didn’t you just tell me we were going to the park though?”        

“Wanted you to get worked up about it.” 

You gasped. “That’s mean.”  

“Gotta balance the niceness out somehow.”  

You spent two hours walking around and catching up. You felt yourself ease up as you talked. He was still your Shawn and he barely changed from the last time you talked. The evening ended with a hug and promise to hang out again soon. 

“See,” Alana told you when you told her how well it went. “Sometimes you need to just give yourself the push.” 

The more and more time you spent together, the more and more Shawn became sure that you were the mystery soulmate whose emotions he had been feeling. 

He would feel a twinge of extra excitement before you hung out or right before you texted him I got an A on that essay!!!!!

He was never completely sure though and never told you about it. He wanted to test the theory but wasn’t sure how he could do it without you knowing. 

Meanwhile, your search for your soulmate slowed. You came to terms that they would come when the time was right and that you needed to enjoy life as it was. Your best friend was on a break from his hectic life for the first time in a long time and you wanted to spend all the time you could with him. You felt a little less anxious when you were around him, which could also be attributed to the lack of school work due to summer break, but you liked to believe he was helping. 

The great thing about Shawn was that he knew not to push too hard. Alana didn’t always know when to stop pushing you towards doing things out of your comfort zone. You’ll admit, it was sometimes good for you. Other times, it caused way more anxiety than necessary  and you would be out of it for the rest of the day. Shawn, on the other hand, could tell when something really could be too much and would stop. 

There was only one time when he knew he was pushing too hard but continued anyways. 

“You wanna be my date to the Grammys?” You had discussed his nomination earlier that day, but he never mentioned bringing someone with him before. 

“Date?” You had a playful smirk on your face and Shawn just rolled his eyes and nudged your shoulder. 

“Do you wanna be my extra person who’s my best friend, not date, cause I don’t have a date, date? 

“As amazing as that sounds, I don’t think so. Way too many people.” You hoped he would just drop the subject. 

“Come on, it would be fun. Besides, how often do you get an invitation to the Grammys?

“Never . . . because I don’t want to go.” 

“Please, Y/N. I don’t have anyone else to take and we would have such a good time.” 

“Take Aaliyah.” 

“She probably has stuff going on.” 

You have tons of other friends. Take one of them.” 

“Yeah but you’re my best friend and I want to take you.”

“Shawn I really don’t think I should. There’s gonna be a ton of people there and I don’t have the money to buy a fancy dress-”

“I’ll buy you a dress and stay with you the entire night.”

“I can’t ask you to do that. Besides-” 

“Please, Y/N. I will beg you every day until you say yes. Just this one time, then I promise I will never ever make you go to a party or awards show of any kind.” 

“Fine,” you sighed. You knew that it was a bad idea but you also knew that Shawn would hold true to the begging. 

“Thank youuu.” He reached over and pulled you into a hug 

“You owe me.” 

~ 

The week before the Grammys was more anxiety inducing than anything in your entire life.  

You got your dress a month ago but was starting to have second thoughts on it. Was it fancy enough? You had scrolled through endless pictures of past Grammy looks and everything looked so much more elaborate than your midnight blue dress. Tiffany had picked out the dress for you, noting how you wanted something elegant but nothing that would make you stick out. 

You had to admit, you loved the dress. It fit you perfectly. You were yet to show Shawn but you knew he would love it. There was just one part of you that thought that everyone would think it was too simple and know that you had no business being there. 

Shawn was doing his best to help you through the anxiety. 

“Think of the best possible situation,” he told you. 

“Nobody notices me and I stay completely under the radar or they note that I’m your friend who’s been seen with you before and leave me alone.”

“Now tell me the worst possible situation.” 

“I do something embarrassing and stick out so that everyone notices and realizes that I’m obviously not supposed to be there.” 

“See how the worst case scenario is so much more unlikely to happen?” 

“Shawn, I know it’s irrational but I can’t help it. No matter what, I’m going to have a worst case scenario.” 

“I know you are. Y/N, I do too. But think for a second,” he said. “Everyone else is too caught up in their own affairs to give a flying shit about what you’re doing. Unless you walk the red carpet with me, they probably won’t even notice you.” 

You knew Shawn was right. You knew the worst case scenario was irrational, you just couldn’t help but dwell on it; you were so scared of embarrassing yourself. You were once again planning excuses for not being able to go. I’m really sick and throwing up everywhere or There’s a family emergency. I can’t go. 

But even as you worried more and more, you knew how much you needed to do it for Shawn. He had done so much for you. You could do this one thing. 

~

“You ready?” Shawn asked with a huge grin. He had been getting more and more excited by the day. The happiness blocked the intensely anxious feelings of his soulmate to the slightest. At this point, he was almost positive you were his soulmate. Of course, anyone could be this anxious for a long period of time and it just coincidental to yours. He wanted more time to think about it though and if it was true, to tell you at a time when you were in a better mental state. 

“Not really, but I don’t think I have a choice,” you said through the door. You had to admit, you felt absolutely beautiful. Your thoughts of sticking out because of your dress were fading with every look in the mirror.  

“I’m sure you look absolutely fantastic.” 

“That’s not the problem but thank you.” You both giggled at that and you wished you could get over yourself and go out there. 

“You know I’ll be with you the whole night, right?” His tone changed to a more serious one, and it was comforting to know he cared so much. 

“I know, but still.” 

“Can I see you now? This is easier when I can see your face.” 

“Yeah,” you chuckled, opening the door slightly before taking a deep breath and stepping out. You grasped your hands behind your back and smiled shyly as Shawn stared at you in awe. 

“Wow,” he whispered. “You look absolutely stunning.” 

Heat rushed to your cheeks and you looked down to your feet. 

“Come here.” He pulled you into a hug, his head resting on your head as yours was on his chest. “You’re going to be amazing tonight, okay? So stop worrying so much and enjoy it as it comes.” 

“I’m trying.” 

“I know you are, I just wanted to remind you.” He squeezed you tighter for a second and drew back, smiling widely before completely letting go. 

You both said nothing as you got into the car to go to the show, allowing yourselves to try to relax before the long night ahead of you. 

“Good luck,” you grinned as he prepared to get out of the car for the red carpet. 

“Thanks, see you soon.” He took your hand and squeezed it, causing the butterflies in your stomach to explode. He stepped out of the car and winked at you, laughing at the finger guns you sent him before he closed the door. 

You both agreed that it was best for you not to walk the red carpet. You didn’t want to be bombarded with questions asking if you were in a relationship and Shawn didn’t want to have to deal with the drama it would cause afterwards. You decided to meet inside, which led to you awkwardly standing around and waiting for him to come in. 

After what felt like a lifetime and a half of avoiding eye contact and trying to look like you belonged, Shawn appeared at your side. 

“How’d it go?” 

“Good. Took some really hot pictures I think people will enjoy.”

“How is that possible? You can’t take hot pictures.” 

“As if I haven’t caught you ogling over pictures of me before.” 

“As if,” you scoffed and Shawn let out a loud laugh, which made you laugh as well. 

“Alright, sassy pants, let’s find our seats.” 

The show went well and you eventually realized that you got worked up more than you needed to. You didn’t have to interact with many people and you were able to sit in a seat and enjoy the show more than you thought you could. 

What you should have been worried about though, was the afterparty. 

Shawn said you didn’t have to go but you could see how much he wanted to. You also knew that if you told him you were going to go home but he should go to the party, he would opt to go with you. So, against your better judgement of what you were up for that night, you decided to go under the condition that Shawn would stay with you the whole time. 

It was a little too loud and crowded for your liking but you did your best to hide the discomfort. The faster you got out, the better, but you were going to try to enjoy the party the best you could. 

Unbeknownst to you, Shawn could definitely sense your discomfort. Something inside himself was telling him he should take you home, but everytime he suggested you leave, you insisted that you wanted him to have fun and that you would stay until he wanted to go. You knew he came with intentions of talking to other people and refused to leave until he did so. 

“But I’ll have fun with you.” 

“Shawn Mendes, if you do not socialize tonight, you will spend the rest of your life regretting it so I suggest you start mingling.” 

“I feel like that’s an overstatement, but fine.” He started walking away but turned around when he noticed you weren’t following. “Come on, wallflower, I’m not allowed to leave you by yourself.” 

You rolled your eyes but pushed yourself off the wall and made your way towards him anyways. 

He made his way around, talking to friends and a few people he didn’t know, making sure you were close at all times. You were quiet the whole time, only speaking when asked a question. Like with Alana, people tended to be more interested in the person you were with than you yourself. 

Shawn caught you picking at the inside of your elbow a few times. Part of him wanted to scold you for doing it, but he knew it was a subconscious habit and that you couldn’t do much about it unless he pointed it out. He would wrap his arm around you, gently placing his hand over the spot so you couldn’t pick at it. You would sigh once you realized you were doing it again and Shawn would squeeze your upper arm lightly, as if to say, it’s alright.

He eventually gave you a water bottle to keep your hands busy and you accepted it graciously, secretly in awe of how he knew you so well. He was about ready to go after that, drained from the long night, when someone called his name. He made his way towards them and you tried to follow but got blocked off by someone walking in between you. In a split second he was gone, and your anxiety only grew as you struggled to find him. 

You found yourself standing next to a table, texting Shawn to tell him where to find you once he was ready to go. You hoped it wouldn’t take too long, but the voice who called him sounded like Niall’s, and you knew they would want to talk for a while. 

Shawn was too busy talking to Niall to notice the growing anxiety coming from his soulmate. He didn’t even notice that you weren’t next to him. 

You tried your best to blend in, something you thought you were doing a good job of, when someone who looked very vaguely familiar tried to talk to you.  

“That dress looks quite lovely on you,” he said. 

“Thanks,” you said rather quietly. There was an awkward pause for a second and you wondered if he was waiting for you to say something else. 

“Enjoying the party?” He stepped slightly forward to let someone pass behind him. 

You stepped back to keep the space, forgetting about the table and knocking into it full force. A loud clanging noise could be heard as a few platters flew off and your eyes grew wide at the realization of what you just did. 

The man in front of you laughed but his attention was quickly called elsewhere.The people around you looked behind themselves to see what was going on. The looks of confusion and giggles probably lasted no more than a few seconds, but it was enough to send you into a full panic. 

The lights were suddenly too bright and all the noises around you jumbled into a muffle. You pressed your back against a wall as you tried to gain your composure, panicking more when you couldn’t. The music was too loud for anyone to hear your rapid breathing but you wanted nothing more than for someone to come help you; for Shawn to come help you.

“Yeah we definitely need to meet up sometime soon,” Niall said to Shawn. 

“Totally. I’m-”  He was cut off by a paralyzing burst of panic. He didn’t even have to think to know it was you. The urge to protect you came over him and he quickly excused himself from Niall to find you. 

It didn’t take long to see you standing against the wall and curling in on yourself. He felt like he couldn’t get there fast enough. There was nothing he wanted more than to take the worry away from you but it felt like there were a million people in between you. 

“Breath, Y/N, breath,” he said once he finally made it to you. Your eyes locked with his and he could see the absolute panic in them. “I’m going to take your arm so we can go outside, okay?” 

You nodded frantically, allowing Shawn to guide you to outside. The cool air was a relief but did little to calm you down. Shawn gently leaned you against a wall and put one of your hands on his chest. 

“Breath with me, sweetheart,” he said, exaggerating his breathing to help you. “You’re okay. Just focus on breathing.” 

“I’m sorry,” you muttered once you calmed down and your breathing returned to a normal rate. 

“Y/N, no. You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

“But I messed up your night and-” 

“It’s not your fault. I know exactly how you feel and I promise you, it’s not your fault.” He could see from the look in your eyes that you didn’t believe him and it broke his heart. “Come here,” he said as he wrapped his arms tightly around you, one around your waist, one pressing your head to his chest. 

“I know you think it’s your fault, but you did absolutely nothing wrong,” he said lowly, leaning his head down close to your ear so you could hear him. “If anything, it’s my fault for not realizing you weren’t with me.” He felt you tense up and rubbed his hand up and down your back. “You are amazing and wonderful and so strong, Y/N. We all have our low points. Nobody is blaming you for anything.” 

You didn’t say anything and Shawn took that as a sign to stop talking. He held you in his embrace for a few minutes longer, relaxing a little when he felt your arms wrap around him. 

“Let’s get you home.” 

“You should stay.” 

“Y/N.” 

You dropped it and let him call an Uber, hugging him again once he finished. “Thank you.” 

“Anytime.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, and you felt yourself once again wishing he was your soulmate. 

~ 

After a long talk with Shawn the next morning, you decided to go to the doctor to get an official diagnosis. The social anxiety diagnosis also came with the recommendation of therapy. It was time to take control of your anxiety and your life.

Shawn was there for it all. Helping you through the bad days and celebrating the good ones. You were celebrating a good one today and Shawn could feel your happiness before you even walked through the door. 

“You won’t believe what I did!” You exclaimed once you were seated on the couch. “I needed this tomato sauce but I couldn’t find it anywhere in the store but I knew they had it somewhere. So instead of not getting it, I actually asked one of the people working there where it was.” 

“Good job!” The smile on his face was huge as he gave you a high-five. “Was it really that scary?” 

“Yes, but I did it, which is more important than if it’s scary.”  

He was so proud of you. It had taken a few months, but therapy was doing wonders for you. It might have been small progress, but even small progress was big progress. 

He had held off on telling you about the soulmate situation, wanting you to be in a better space before he dropped the bombshell. Now felt like a good time to do it. 

“Not to take away from you, but I have some good news myself.” 

“Tell me!” The eager look on your face made him even more nervous for some reason, but he knew he needed to do it. 

“A few months ago, I started feeling these feelings.” 

“Oh wow.” 

“Shut up,” he giggled. “They were emotions that weren’t mine. Like, they felt like someone else’s.”  

You nodded your head, having an idea of what was coming: he finally found his soulmate and it wasn’t you. 

“And at first I couldn’t figure out who they belonged to but then I met you again.” He looked up at you but your face was blank. “And then I was starting to feel feelings you were experiencing. Like you would text me about being happy and that background feeling of extra happiness would be there but I wasn’t sure if it was really you.” 

“Are you trying to test it out now?” He could see you trying to put the pieces together. 

“No, I kinda already did in a way?” You looked even more confused so he kept going. “When we went to the Grammys I could feel how anxious you were. And then we went to the party and I could feel it but it wasn’t anything that was too overwhelming. Then, I went to talk to Niall, which is when you had that panic attack, right?” 

You nodded. 

“And I was fine but then there was this really really intense second of pure panic and I just knew. Some kind of protective instinct went off in me and I just had to get to you.” 

There was a pause as he let you process what was happening. 

“Y/N, I think you’re my soulmate.” 

There was a deafening silence but Shawn was too scared to look at your face to see your reaction. 

“You really think?” 

“I know it sounds crazy but-” 

“Could we really be soulmates?” 

“. . . yes?” He finally looked at you to see a smile creeping its way along your face. 

“Holy fucking cow.” You both burst into laughter, leaning into each other as you did. 

“I’m glad it’s you,” Shawn said once your laughs turned into tiny giggles. He looked at you with a glimmer in his eyes. 

“I’m glad it’s you too.” 

[ladydorian05]

A life in retrospection

(pic credit: @a7estrellas​)

#Pedros12DaysOfChristmas

Hello @scribbledghost​ !!! I couldn’t wait, I’m your Secret Santa darling!!!!!

I really, really, REALLY  hope you like this. This is actually the third try at writing your gift, I dot nervous and the self doubt worm hit me hard while writing. You mentioned you wanted ‘talking’, well my on the first one it was more talking than anything and was such a mess that I knew no amount of editing would fix it. I didn’t erase it completely I used some parts for the second one that served as the foundation for the final one.

It’s still a little bit of a mess, I suck at choosing titles and maybe the ending is a bit rushed.

Edit: Forgot to mention, Miss Daisy belongs to Scribbledghost, from her neighbour Whiskey series, check it out, you won’t regret it. 

A life in retrospection

Soulmate AU!

Pairing: Agent Whiskey/Jack Daniels x fem character (a name is mentioned so it’s not THAT reader friendly)

Warnings: Mentions of drugs, lil bit of depression, Jack goes to therapy so expect to read a different man (we really just yeeted a whole man and turn him into a better one, the beauty of fanfics), fluffiness, this man is not afraid to cry, allusions to spiciness but just implicit.

Words: 3K and something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He couldn’t believe this was his life now.

He thought as he watched, through a window from the inside of his warm home, as the snowflakes fell outside.

Couldn’t believe he was capable of feeling such happiness again, not after everything he’s had to live through.

A few years ago, he almost committed the biggest mistake of his entire existence, condemning millions of people just because of his trauma. Good thing a pair of gentlemen helped knock some sense into him. Literally. And god bless Champ for giving him a second chance, since then, his life had been filled with second chances.

He finally went to see the Statesman therapist and work through his issues, he gave himself a second chance, to heal, to see the world in a different way.

What he never thought he would get, was a second chance at love, at being loved, but his beloved’s favorite pastime was to just prove him wrong every chance she got.

And prove him wrong she did.

Everyone has a soulmate, even him, and just like everyone else’s, his soul mark appeared on his thirteenth birthday. Right there, the name and the first letter of his soulmate’s last name etched into his skin in his soulmate’s handwriting and just like everyone he had been excited.

He spent countless hours staring at the letters on his wrist, studying the beautiful, soft and round letters, some of them just a breath away from being cursives. Always wondering when and if he would be able to meet the person they belonged to.

As the years passed, he became more aware of how small the chance that he would actually meet his soulmate was, and while he kept wondering about them from time to time, he didn’t stop himself from falling in love with someone else.

He shared many years with her, they got married just as they were fresh out of college, neither of them caring that they weren’t each other’s soulmates. Marriages like theirs weren’t rare at all, after all the world is way too big and life too short to spend it looking for one person.

Yes, life is short and it can be so cruel to the least deserving. The day he lost both his wife and unborn son was the day something inside him broke, something he thought could never be repaired again. He fell in an abysm of self blame that in time turned into bitterness and hatred for those who fell in the clutches of illegal substances. He really thought he would never love again.

Until one day. One fateful day thanks to a mix up with his order at his favorite coffee shop, he met her, his beloved; when their drinks had been served in the wrong cups by the new barista in training.

She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, what were the chances that said woman would turn out to also be his soulmate. From the moment he saw her he felt drawn to her. He knew it, the moment their fingers touched when they exchanged their cups. Something in him shifted with a rush of emotions, leaving him breathless.

Hell, even now she still leaves him breathless.

They had spent the rest of that day getting to know each other, they talked about everything and anything, as if they were old friends seeing each other again after some time apart. He had heard the stories multiple times, people would talk about how they felt the moment they found their soulmate, they all paled in comparison to the overwhelming feeling of being know in such a way by someone you had just met.

He felt so blessed just being able to be in her presence.

Indiana, Indy, his love, his Moonshine, the light of his life that pulled him out of the remaining darkness inside him. You gave him a second chance at love, at actually feeling alive and not just living. And he took it, he would’ve been and idiot if he hadn’t.

They decided to take it slow to truly get to know one another and see where this connection of theirs would take them. After all, not all soulmates went on the romantic route; some, were just destined to be platonic and neither option was better than the other, that’s just the way things were.

But after many dates, after both bared their souls to one another, they were happy to discover that all along there had been something growing between them and that the feeling was mutual.

They shared their first kiss beneath a starry sky, she had taken him to her favorite spot in the city, maybe the stars weren’t as visible as in other places due to the light pollution of the city but neither of you were really looking at them, too lost in one another. After that night everything fell into place.

In the following months, they spent as much time as they could together, lunch breaks, dinners, weekends at each other’s apartments watching movies, talking about work, about anything and everything.

After Champ had notified him that he was going to be allowed go back to field work, he invited you to dinner at his place. He decided to tell you everything then and there, about his wife, about his work; he had previously asked for permission for the last one, assuring his boss that this was serious and that he trusted you completely, he even told you about what he almost did during the whole Golden circle fiasco.

He had expected to see some kind of horror or judgement written in Indy’s face when he finally lifted his head when he stopped talking, he should have known better. He found understanding in your eyes, you told him how proud you were that he looked for help after everything he went through and that ‘James Bond job’ or not, you would be there for him.

You had also added an ‘Of course your alias is Whiskey!’ that made him laugh, but that was beyond the point.

You only asked, that every time he was to go on a mission that he’d let you know, and if he had to leave at a moment’s notice, he would call or text you as soon as he could, you also asked him to be careful.

“We just found each other I don’t want to lose you.” Were your exact words. He remembers because he kissed you as soon as you said them, it started slow and full of gratitude but it soon changed into a passionate one.

That had been the first of many nights, and mornings, he got to share his bed with you. You moved together shortly after that night. Going to bed every night and waking up with you at his side soon became the highlight of his days, if he could he would spend a lifetime just lying with you in bed. He savours every moment he gets by your side.

He had been sure, long before the date of your first year anniversary approached; both of you chose it to be the day you met; that he wanted to be there for you, he wanted to protect you, to make you as happy as you make him, to be anything you needed him to be, a friend, a lover, a life partner; you just had to say it and he’d do anything become that person.

He made a decision. They had already discussed the subject of marriage on more than one occasion, so he was sure it was something you would want or wouldn’t be opposed to it eventually. He still thought about it, long and hard for days.

After his first marriage he never thought he would be open to, well, any kind of relationship that went beyond one-night stands, but that was before therapy, before he worked on the demons inside his head; and now, now he just hoped you would be willing to take an old man as your husband. Again, he should’ve known better.

He planned everything, a romantic dinner at good restaurant; not too over the top fancy but with good food; then he would take you on a romantic walk through Central park, he knew of a spot that had a beautiful gazebo with a view to a pond, he decided he would ask you there; and of course, he sent to polish his mother’s ring.

She gave him the ring some time after his wife passed away and made him promise that he would only give it to his soulmate if he met them. His parents had been soulmates, and his grandparents as well, she explained that the ring had been in the family for many generations and more times than not the marriages had been between soulmates, maybe she believed the ring would bring him luck in finding his own.

With everything carefully planned, he just had to wait for the day to arrive.

But even the best-laid plans, often go awry.

The date fell on a Friday, he was just about to clock in when he received a call from Champ, he and Vermouth; previously known as their Ginger ale; where called for an emergency mission. A Band of extremist where planning a bombing, they got the location of their hideout and were tasked to take them out immediately.

While the mission wouldn’t take him to the other side of the planet, it would take him to the other side of the country, he knew even if they hurried up, he wouldn’t be back in time for the reservation; in fact, if he was lucky, he wouldn’t be back until midnight.

He remembers how much he had apologized to you as he called you on the Statesman’s plane, and bless you and your beautiful heart, you took it in stride, telling him it was fine and that you could celebrate the next day, that all you needed was for him to return to you safe and sound.

And he did just that. At around two in the morning, he opened the door to the apartment he shared with you, he left his hat and jacket at the entrance. He was beginning to un button his shirt when he saw you sleeping on the couch, a box of pizza on the coffee table and the tv still on.

It made him feel guilty but it also warmed his heart that you had tried to wait up for him, he decided against waking you up. He turned the tv off and took you in his arms, you only stirred a little bit before your breath evened out again. He placed you on your side of the bed and tuck you in; he took all of his clothes off except for his briefs before joining you in bed.

The next morning, he stirred awake at the feeling of your lips leaving small kisses all over his chest.

“Mmgood morning Moonshine.” He said, his voice rough from sleep.

“Good morning to you too, cowboy. Sorry I woke you up, but I couldn’t resist.”

“Nothin’ to be sorry about, love. Can’t think of a better way to wake up.” He had pull you closer to his side, your head resting on his arm. “’m sorry I missed our anniversary.”

“None of that Jack, I told you it’s okay. Besides, you can always make it up to me.” You said with mirth, running your hand up and down his torso.

He chuckled. “What did I do to deserve you?” he muttered as he placed a kiss on top of your head.

Both of you stayed quiet, just enjoying the moment, basking in the feeling of being in each other’s arms; until he broke the comfortable silence.

“Marry me.”

The words had just slipped through his lips. He knew neither of you really needed fancy restaurants or romantic venues, you just needed each other. So, what better place and moment to ask you to be his wife, than in the warmth of the home you shared, lying in each other’s arms in their bed.

“What?” He felt your hand stop its movement right on top of his heart, he was sure you had felt how fast it was beating.

“I said, marry me, Moonshine. Please?” You sat on the bed, watching him with an unreadable expression.

“Jack Daniels, you better not be joking.” You had pointed a finger to him.

“Tell me my love, if I wasn’t serious, would I have this?” He said as he also sat on the bed and reached inside of the drawer of the nightstand, taking the velvet box in his hand; not the best hiding place but he hadn’t planned for it to stay there for a long time; he opened it to show you the ring inside.

“Oh my god Jack!” you covered your mouth with your hands as your eyes became glossy with unshed tears.

“Indy, Indiana, my love, my Moonshine, my soulmate. You have no idea how blessed I feel to have you in my life, there aren’t enough words in the world to help me express how much I love you, how much you mean to me. You’re an amazing person, so kind, intelligent, strong and beautiful, and I’ll be more than honored to be your husband, if you’ll have me.” He held his breath as he watched you process what he just said.

He was beginning to get worried when you just sat there for a few seconds, that felt like an eternity to him, staring at him without saying a word. You took him by surprise when you jumped into his arms, just as he was considering on telling you that it was okay if you didn’t want to or that you could take your time before answering.

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes Jack! Of course I’ll have you!” By the time he got the ring on your finger both of you were a sobbing mess. He didn’t let you leave the bed until way past noon, and only because neither of you had had breakfast. He had to take good care of his fiancée.

The wedding had been beautiful, only your closest friends and family were invited to the event.

Sometime after the wedding, Champ asked him to move back to Kentucky, he offered him a promotion, he offered him his own position in Statesman, saying that he was ready to retire and that he thought that, out of everyone else, he was the best candidate for it.

His past self would have jumped at the opportunity, not only would he be in charge of the intelligence agency, he would also become the major stockholder of the distillery; but he wasn’t that man anymore, it was a huge responsibility, even if it came with its benefits.

And he had a wife. Your friends lived here, your work was here, you had built a life for yourself in this city long before he came into your life; he couldn’t just go home and tell you ‘Darling, guess what? We’re moving to Kentucky!’ and he refused to leave you behind.

He thanked Champ for the offer and asked him for some time to think about it. He told you about it as soon as he got home. He told you that he couldn’t just ask you to leave what you worked so hard to get behind and follow him down south.

You let him speak, you let him ramble on and on about why it wasn’t a good idea, he also listed some of the positive things that came with accepting the promotion.

“Wait a minute.” You interrupted him in the middle of his tirade. “As the head or director or whatever you guys call it, you would be permanently stationed in Kentucky? As in no more field work?”

“Well, yes and no. At first yes, Champ will have to show me the ropes of everything, then I’ll probably still be active for some years but then well yes, eventually I won’t be sent on missions as frequently as right now. There’s also managing the distillery and that means normal corporate stuff like business trips and all that; it won’t be that different from what I already do here.” You nodded at his words.

“Do it. You have my support.” His eyes widened at that.

“But, but Moonshine, what about your work!?”

“What about it? I’m sure I can request a transfer, and if not I’m sure I can get a new job, it’s not like we’re moving to the middle of nowhere; I could also become a free-lancer.” You listed. “Listen Jack, if moving south means you’ll be risking your life less and less as time goes on, then we’re moving south.” And that was the end of the discussion, he knew the decision was made.

He let you choose the new house, he only asked for enough land to get a horse or two in the future; he was dying to take you on romantic rides; and you chose a beautiful roomy one, neither of you wanted to dismiss the possibility of children. The extra points of the house were the beautiful chimney inside and the fire pit on the back porch, it also had a barn not far from the main building.

And it was good that the house was quite large because half a year after moving in, he convinced you to go with him to a local farm animal expo on his day off. As you browsed through the various handmade items in display, he stumbled upon a woman selling teacup pigs, and while he had always considered himself more of a horses and dogs person, his curiosity got the better of him.

They were so adorable, one in particular caught his attention, he couldn’t resist the adorable beaded eyes looking straight at him; before he knew it, he was making his way back to you holding the little piggy in his arms.

He got a “Jack, why are you holding a pig like a baby?” from you the moment you saw him.

“Because she is! Just look at her she’s so cute, she’s my cute little lady.”

The conversation about the new member of their family continued on the way back home.

“I hope you’re not thinking about letting her stay inside the house once she begins to grow.”

“What are you talking about? Miss Daisy’s a teacup pig; she’ll only grow an inch or maybe three at most.”

“Oh, so it’s Miss Daisy! She already has a name and all that. I’m warning you; I’m not going to pick up what Miss Daisy produces after eating.” You said. “Wait, teacup pig? You are aware there’s no such thing as teacup pigs, right?”

“What do you mean? The woman said they were all teacup pigs.”

“Oh my god. My love, you have been deceived.”

He may not know a lot about pigs, but he couldn’t believe that that sweet woman had outright lied to him, right?

Wrong. Like always, you were right, and he fucked up. At least he eventually convinced you to let him keep Miss Daisy inside. She’ll always be a baby to him, no matter how big she got.

And then, he became an actual father. It wasn’t enough for you to give him so much love and happiness, now you had given him the greatest gift of all. She was perfect, from her tiny nose to her even tinnier toes.

If he had cried when you agreed to marry him, and cried even more when you gave him the news of your pregnancy; he was sure he cried a river the day their daughter was born.

Here he was, years later, still madly in love with you, still feeling like the luckiest man in the world.

He was brought back from his memories by a pair of hands sliding around his middle from behind.

“Hey, I made hot chocolate, want a cup?” He turned around to properly face you, a big smile on his face. “What? Do I have some coco powder on me?”

“No,” he shook his head “no. It’s just, well, you just took my breath away.” He said wiggling his eyebrows up and down in the way he knew always made you laugh.

“Pffff, Jack, I married you, you can stop saying stuff like that.”

“On the contrary, Moonshine, I shall keep on stating the truth of how my stunning wife makes me feel every single day of my life.” He leaned to give you a sweet short kiss.

“You haven’t answered Mr. Daniels, hot chocolate or do you want a cup of coffee?”

“Mmmm, I’ll have the chocolate this time, gotta honor the drink that brought you into my life, Mrs. Daniels.” He pressed his forehead against yours.

“What’s gotten into you today?” You asked, laughing softly as the hairs of his moustache tickled your upper lip.

“Nothing, just been reminiscing my happiest memories. Want to know a secret?” He whispered the question. “They’re all about you.” He leaned in for another kiss when the voice of his little girl calling for him reached them.

“Daddy! Daddy! Look! Look at Miss Daisy! Isn’t she pretty?” He turned his head from his Moonshine as his daughter came running up to them in her cute pajamas, just in time to see Miss Daisy as she came waddling behind his lil’ sweetheart wearing a pink tutu, a tiara and he noticed her glittery pink painted hooves.

“Wow, sweetheart! She’s really pretty!” He tried to sound excited for his daughter’s sake, but he knew it came out more strained than he wanted.

She giggled before running off back to her room, with, once again, Miss Daisy running after her.

“Want me to google if that nail polish could be potentially harmful for her while you put our little tornado to sleep?” God bless his wife.

“Yes, please.” He let out a sigh. “You’re amazin’ Moonshine.” He turned back to you before placing a sweet kiss on your lips.

“I got you, cowboy.” He had to separate from your arms so he could go help their daughter keep her bed time schedule, otherwise they’ll surely have a cranky child for most of the next day.

“Hey honey! You want a bed time story?” he heard a distant ‘yay’ and a couple of snorts in response. “Be right back babe.” With a wink as he walked towards their daughter’s room.

Maybe he’ll never get used to this much happiness in his life, but he’ll never complain, what were the odds that he would meet his soulmate and build a beautiful home and a beautiful family with her. He must have done at least something right if he got to live this life.

And he will live it, to its fullest.

Tag list (do let me know if anyone wanst to be tagged in future works):

@oloreaa​

[jonghos-left-airpod]

Getting on the subway with ateez ( maknae line ) non-idol au

SAN

💚pulled an all nighter but still has lots of energy

💚 has a grill cheese for breakfast

💚 randomly has a limited edition Arizona(bottled tea) that no one knew existed

💚 his internship gives him a monthly pass he uses and is one of those people who open the emergency exit for people who dont have one.

💚 watchs the dancers and almost misses his train

As you walk into the train station you see a crowd around a young dance student. While watching you notice san on the side hyping them up with his phone in his hand. He smiles when he notices you. " babe this kids great! You wanna try? " you laugh as you decline his offer. "Come on san before we miss the train" when you finally get on San asks if you both can stand. San leans of the door looking out the window as he wraps his arms around you to make sure you don't fall. When it's your stop san takes your hand and offers to get you a coffee or tea before you head off to where you need to be.

Mingi

🧡 we all know mingi looks scary but is actually super sweet so he fits right in lol

🧡 totally forgets his subway pass all the time

🧡 but he's cool with the security guards so they dont stop him when he jumps over

🧡 he's tall so it's kinda hard for him to jump over he stumbles a little lol

🧡eats breakfast at the dining hall

🧡 I know mingi has anxiety so he'll probably stand to the back of the crowd

🧡 one reason being for anxiety and the other being because he doenst wanna block people view of the train

You actually make it there before mingi. While texting him to see where he is someone runs into you. " oh my gosh I'm so sorry" . " mingi it's okay it's me" " oh hey babe sorry about that " . When the train the finally gets there mingi likes to sit down. He doesn't care if u sit or stand as long as you're close to him. When u finally get off mingi gives you a long hug before leaving to go school .

Wooyoung

💙 you already know our boy is kinda loud even in the morning

💙 he's friend with a lot of the people from his apartment so he walks with them to the subway

💙 his school gives him a monthly pass but sometimes he forgets it so he rushes after his friends after they swap theirs

💙 they all go different places so a lot of the times he's left alone waiting for you

💙 totally eating hot cheetos for breakfast

💙 7/ 10 is doing his homework on the train

When you walk into the subway station you notice wooyoung talking with some friends. You walk over and patiently wait for him to finish his conversation. After a while his friend notices you and points wooyoung attention over. After saying bye to them wooyoung starts to talk to you. " babe did you remember your pass I forgot mine on my desk" " yea I got mine, but how are you gonna get in ? ". " with you of course:)" ??? " " just walk in babes" . As soon as you swapped your card wooyoung backhugged you and ran through. " wooyoung what the heck ! " " how else was I suppose to get in lol" soon you both get on the train . You both choose to sit . On the way there wooyoung is trying to quickly get some homework done. When you both get to your stop , wooyoung kisses your cheek as he rans off yelling about how he's late to class.

Jongho

💜 yall already know he has his iced americano on deck

💜 since he has a sports scholarship the school provides him with a yearly pass

💜 he keeps it in his pocket on his keychain

💜 doesnt catch the subway with you often because he usually has to get to school early for practice

💜 but when he is there usually stands to the side with his headphone in

💜 for breakfast probably eats at the dining hall since it's free plus he can get his power bowls

After entering the station you quickly see jongho with his headphones in. He turns around quickly as he feels you tap on his shoulder. " did you eat jagi , how's your morning? " after a while the train arrives you both decide to stand so that an elder couple could sit down. He back hugs you to make sure you dont fall over. Soon you arrive at your stop. Jongho makes sure to ask you if you need anything before dropping you off to your class. He likes walking you there since he knows it makes you feel more safe. Also because he doesn't get to often.

( check out my masterlist for more ❤)

[julemmaes]

Pinky Promise - Chapter Two

A/N: LMAAAO GOOD LUCK FUCKERS

Fic Masterlist

Word count: 4,378

"Could this fit?" Amren asked, showing her an all-black sheath dress with a delicate slit on the thigh.  Nesta grimaced and shook her head. Amren puffed and continued to look through the clothes for something suitable for her dinner with Cassian.

Amren had texted her in the middle of the morning and she could never refuse. They had gone out for lunch, between classes, so they could do some shopping while catching up on their lives. Amren worked as a photographer for one of the biggest and best known nonprofit organizations in the country and it was more than rare that they managed to see each other.

When she got out of high school and started working as a freelance photographer, Nesta had been a little hesitant. She had always liked Amren's pictures and thought that her friend had a unique talent, but she was not experienced in the field and was worried that she would never make it in such an unstable profession. And then one day Amren showed up at her house and announced to everyone that she had won a competition to be part of an exploration team that would leave a few months later for the Arctic. She had been away for months, but when she came back she had brought someone with her and the beginning of a career that would make her famous all over the continent for her shots.

Amren and Varian had been together for three years now and had traveled the world, both working for the same channel.

Every time Cassian or Rhysand pointed out to her that she had no more places to visit she stared at the void smiling, always repeating the same thing: "I haven't even started yet."

For now, however, she would stay a couple of weeks in Velaris, while Varian visited his family in Adriata and afterwards they would leave for Lunathion. Amren never failed to remember that this was a huge project, which would allow her to break through to other countries and perhaps find a more important position.

Nesta showed an orange dress with many fringes and a lot of tulle to Amren, who burst out laughing and crossed her arms to make a cross. Nesta snorted and continued her search.

"Yesterday, while I was on a call with Varian, his mother appeared," the friend suddenly said. Nesta turned towards her. Amren imitated her, with a grim face, "She started talking about marriage."

"She did what?" Nesta asked, laughing at the evident panic of her friend.

Amren frowned, "Don't be a bitch, you know how I feel about marriage."

Nesta nodded, continuing to sift through the various dresses. Amren had never been prone to marriage. Growing up in a family with divorced parents who argued every three seconds to decide who was entitled to what - the daughter included - she had never thought that one day it might be a possible option.

When Amren didn't speak for a while, Nesta urged her, "So? Do you want to marry Varian?"

"No!" the other replied alarmed, instantly, then she corrected herself, "Yes?" she grunted, scratching her nose, "I don't know."

Nesta reasoned about it for a few seconds, taking a pastel blue dress and putting it in the bag with the others she had already picked up, "Would it be such a bad thing to consider marriage as a possibility in the future?" she asked her cautiously, not wanting to upset her friend.

"I don't know honestly," sighed Amren, "I love Varian. I really do. But the idea that I have thanks to my parents has nothing to do with what he has. It has nothing to do with what you have too," she said, looking her in the eye. She was right. The example her parents had given her, before they both died, was the example of a perfect marriage, with a mutual relationship of respect and love. Her parents had been best friends before they were married and there hadn't been a day in their lives when they blamed each other for whatever problems they had.

Amren's parents, on the other hand, had divorced when she was still a child and the girl only remembered how hard it was to go from one house to another every week and how hard it was to live with both of them during the custody case. It had not been a good childhood for her. She had not spoken to her mother or father for two years, from all Nesta knew.

"You know, marriage isn't the same for everyone," Nesta began, "and it's not a necessary step in a couple's life. I don't want to tell you what is best for you, because I don't know. But I think you should talk to Varian about it," she told her in a light tone, "I'm sure he will understand whatever you tell him."

Amren nodded, almost distracted, then shook her head. "And you? How are you going to ask him?" she wondered, trying to change the subject.

Nesta indulged her, being more than happy to talk about her proposal, "Do you know the saga that he and I read? The one about the knight and the prince?"

It was Amren's turn to laugh, "Your eyes sparkle every time you mention A Knight's Tales".

"So you listen to me when I talk about it."

Amren raised an eyebrow, mumbling, "It's quite impossible not to when all you and that brute boyfriend of yours do is talk about those books."

"Anyway," she waved her hand midair, "in the last book of the saga, Adelaide, the knight," - I know who Adelaide is - "asks the prince to run away with her and he asks her where they could possibly go and she answers that she bought a house in a faraway town just for the two of them. A place where they can be alone and quiet. Where no one will ever be able to find them," she says smiling, thinking what she would have said. "I got him one of the first editions, that book cost me an arm and a leg and it's two hundred years old."

"The fact that you want to run away from your sisters is quite worrying." Amren joked, making her laugh. "And unfortunately I already knew about this part of the story." she continued in a slightly demented tone, as if she had resigned herself to having to know every slightest detail of the series.

Nesta fixed her hair behind her ear, heading towards the dressing rooms, "I think Feyre wants to leave that apartment too and Elain is practically kicking us out."

"What do you mean?" asked Amren curiously.

They both locked themselves in a dressing room and Nesta immediately undressed, feeling her hair rising because of the cold, "She's bringing I-don't-know-how-many plants into the house. Much more than usual. She' is practically taking oxygen away from us to give it to those things." she heard Amren laughing in the dressing room next to hers.

"Do you already know where Feyre will go?"

She shook her head, putting on her first dress. A long black dress, heavy enough to protect her from the cold. "No, I haven't mentioned it to her yet. But anyway, she has until the end of May to arrange things, I have no intention of starting to move in the middle of the exams."

Amren muttered something before saying, "I can't wait to know how Cassian will react when I point out to him that you beat him to the punch".

"Me too."

Then Amren surprised her, "Are you nervous?"

She didn't have to think twice. She smiled, "No, I'm not."

They kept talking about this and that for the rest of the afternoon, until Nesta had to go back to university and Amren went back to her studio apartment. She had a lecture on Space Systems and when she got home it was already six o'clock, only Elain was on the couch watching some documentary about ancient tribes. Feyre must have gone out to avoid getting asked questions, thing that Elain had surely done.

Cassian had sent her a message before she went into class and confirmed that he would be there, having put Azriel in charge of the bar for that evening.

She made a reservation for 8:30 at their favorite restaurant and carefully wrapped the book, placing a bookmark in the right place so that Cassian could open it and read the first line of the page.

Run away with me. Live with me.

Everything was perfect.

Or so it should have been.

***

Cassian was about to be sick.

Before leaving the house, Rhysand, who was preparing the lesson for his children at the kitchen table, wished him good luck and warned him that he would not be home that night, to give them some privacy in case they needed it. He would be at Mor's.

Now, Nesta was looking at him on the other side of the table with a smile on her face and was telling him about the last topics she had learned in class, something about all the protocols to follow in case of a malfunction of the craft, and normally he would have listened to her in detail, but tonight he couldn't concentrate on the words she was saying.

When he had seen her coming out of the door of her building, in that new pastel blue dress, which wrapped her body perfectly, he had run his hand over the eyes, bewildered. She couldn't be real. She couldn't be his.

When he had kissed her and told her that she was beautiful and she answered him that he was just as handsome, Cassian had almost thought of putting it off another time. He could have waited a few more days.

He didn't want to break this balance of theirs. It was not a precarious balance. It was solid.

Their relationship was perfect. They had no problems and they had never had big, insurmountable ones. This would have destroyed them in one way or another and Cassian knew it.

"Babe?"

Cassian seemed startled, he blinked a couple of times. Nesta was looking at him with a raised eyebrow and an amused expression on her face.

"I'm sorry, I know you're not interested in this stuff, but I'm so excited-"

Cassian stopped her immediately, reaching over the table and taking her hand, "Don't say that, you know I'm interested in everything you say. Whether it's engineering or the color of the new plant that Elain brought home." he smiled at her. Her grip on his fingers tightened.

"Today's one has purple leaves, it's pretty," she replied thinking of her sister. Then she got serious, "Are you okay?"

He nodded, sighing, "I'm just a little tired, down in the dumps," he said, tilting his head to the side, not really lying. "Rhys went to work this morning and when he came back he was doing better - the power of children I guess - but he's still feeling bad about last night. Did you get to talk to Feyre?" he asked more concerned than anything else. He didn't like meddling in other people's business, but everyone's sanity was at stake here. Especially the sanity of who he considered his little sister.

One of their waiters put their desserts on the table. Cassian thanked him with a smile before turning all his attention to Nesta again.

She grimaced, taking her hand away from his and starting to eat, "I didn't see or hear from her at all. Elain says she had lunch with her and they talked a little, but she didn't want to tell me anything and had to go back to the store right after." she took the cherry on her pie and put it on his plate, "Maybe I was wrong to go out with Amren today, I should have gone home too."

Cassian made a sound of disapproval, "Don't worry, she wouldn't have said anything if you'd been there." he smiled at her. "You're not very kind when it comes to Tamlin."

"Well, he's never done anything to deserve my kindness," said Nesta bluntly.

"He did pay a portion of Feyre's college fees, Nes. He got her into that crazy school," said Cassian, almost not believing his own ears. Was he defending Tamlin?

"Feyre would have gotten into the Academy even without daddy's help, and one way or another we would have been able to pay for it ourselves," she continued, giving Cassian another cherry. He knew that she liked cherries as much as he did, but she did it with so much peace of mind that he often wondered if she realized how much she spoiled him sometimes.

"I know she would have been able to get in on her own, but since she's so stubborn to stay with that tool, she might as well use it as such and empty his wallet," joked Cassian.

Nesta chuckled, "You're right."

They finished their desserts in silence and then Nesta looked him in the eyes with so much emotion that Cassian's head spun. He smiled sweetly at her, whispering a I love you, and then she bent over to the side, grabbed her bag and pulled out a brown packet.

He frowned when she handed it to him and took it hesitantly, she looked at him smiling, "What is it?"

***

Cassian was about to open the gift when Nesta started talking, "A few years ago you started talking to me about a stupid book called The Soft Blade. It was about a struggling woman, a woman knight who carried out impossible missions. And of a prince forced to a life at court. Forced to chase the woman who offered the most."

The man in front of her was confused, but this time he was really listening to her, more than interested in yet another conversation about his favorite saga. His fingers still on the wrapping paper.

"I remember starting it only out of curiosity, besides your constant begging. And while you find the fighting and adventure part fascinating, I have never found anything that makes me feel more emotional than Adelaide and Constantin." Nesta shook a hand to tell him to unpack the gift.

She saw Cassian stiffen but smile faintly when he realized what she had given him.

"In The Last Battle, there is a very important part." she whispered, joining hands on the table, feeling some of that nerves Amren had talked about a few hours earlier, "Adelaide asks Constantin to run away with her, to go live with her in a place away from everything and everyone." Cassian opened the book where the red cloth bookmark popped out of the pages. He touched the paper, reading under his breath.

"Run away with me. Live with me."

Nesta waited a few seconds, giving him time to understand what she was implying with that simple but at the same time important gift. "I've been through hell in the last few years. I've earned every shred of happiness I have now and you've been the person who has been closest to me all this time." she was so excited that she could have started dancing in the middle of the room, "We have waited long enough, Cass. We have had enough patience and now we can finally start thinking about what our future will hold. Together."

It had been years since she made any serious decisions without first consulting him, but that together, pronounced at that moment, had more meaning than it had ever had in the past.

That's why when Cassian looked up at her and Nesta saw his eyes, it felt like the air was pushed out of her lungs.

She felt her stomach twist and she knew that if she had a mirror in front of her now she would look at a ghost. She put her hands on her lap, clenching her fists.

Cassian was looking at her sadly, with his jaw tight and the look of someone who has to give bad news.

"Nesta..." the waiter who had served them for the entire evening interrupted him, asking if they wanted anything else.

"The check, please. Quickly if possible, we have to go somewhere else." replied Nesta without looking at Cassian and giving her credit card to the boy.

Cassian leaned over the table, looking at her, "Nesta, listen to me."

"Not here," she said, getting up and starting to collect her things.

"Please, let me explain." he begged her, taking her hand. Nesta snatched him off without too much effort and approached his chair looking him in the face. Whatever he had to explain, Nesta knew it would raise hell.

"I said not here, not that we wouldn't talk about it," she said, thanking the waiter and taking back her card. She left the restaurant, without worrying about waiting for Cassian.

They got into the car in silence and he carefully laid the book inside the compartment in the trunk. When he didn't start the car immediately, Nesta stretched out on the seat, snatched the keys from his hand and slipped them into the patch, starting the car. "Drive."

"Nes, can I first explain why I reacted like this?" when she didn't answer, Cassian took it as an invitation to continue, "I want to live with you, my answer to your question is yes. I want to spend the rest of my life with you-"

"Stop it." she said through her teeth, "Stop it, please. Let's go home." her voice broke.

Saying those words hurt her more than usual. Home.

That was not their home.

Cassian tried to take her hand and she moved it, crossing her arms and turning towards the window.

The ride from the restaurant to his apartment was agonizing. Nesta was not good at being alone with her thoughts.

They had spent the last seven years of their lives saying I love you, being there for each other. They had shared joy and anger and pain. They had gotten through high school together and would get through college in a few months. The last two years of their lives had been a constant moving of clothes from one apartment to another.A constant fantasy about how they would decorate their bathroom and bedroom. What colors they would paint the walls of their children's rooms, when the time came.

One day Cassian had told her "I will put a giant picture of you, on our wedding day, on the wall of the fireplace that we'll have in the living room, so that every person who walks through the door will be jealous of how beautiful my wife is."

His wife. That sentence had held so many promises.

Nesta had taken for granted a future with the man sitting next to her. He'd made it clear to her several times that they would spend the rest of their lives together, that they would grow old hand in hand. She had just told him this just a few minutes ago, so what was stopping him?

She dared to look in his direction and Nesta noticed how pained his expression was, the way he held the steering wheel an obvious sign of frustration. She saw it in the way his arm was twitching that he was holding back not to touch her.

Maybe he had been unwell lately and she hadn't noticed it. Maybe she had paid too much attention to her family and neglected Cassian and now he was realizing that he didn't want to be with her anymore and he was just buying time to find a nice way to break up with her.

Even the thought of having to live without Cassian by her side took her breath away.

Whatever was going on in their relationship they would deal with it together, as they had always done. Nesta was just overwhelmed by emotions and didn't give him time to explain himself.

That's why she reached out her hand to him, intertwining her little finger with his, in that simple childish promise to which they were so accustomed.

Cassian turned towards her, almost losing control of the car, he swallowed and squeezed his little finger around hers, nodding almost imperceptibly.

Nesta was carried back years to the day her father died. Cassian had grabbed her by the shoulders shaking her when she stopped answering him. He had held her face in his hands and hugged her, and when he had pulled away and put his little finger in front of her eyes, she hadn't had the strength to ask him what he was doing. Cassian had looked her straight in the eye, "I promise I won't leave you alone tonight and as long as you need me."

She had almost yelled at him that she didn't need to do this crap at such a critical moment, that she had to run to Feyre and Elain, but when he had taken her hand and squeezed her finger around his, she had found immense comfort in that small gesture that until then they had only used for things of minimal importance.

They arrived to his apartment and went up the stairs, their hands joined only by their pinkies. Not a word said in the midst of that chaos.

They detached only when Cassian had to open the door and once inside the kitchen Nesta spoke.

"I love you, Cassian. I love you with every fiber of my being and I know..." she said interrupting him immediately when he tried to spoke, "I know that you love me as much, so I understand that there must be something really important if you haven't said yes yet. I wanted to apologize for reacting like that earlier. I'm sorry." she said, looking at him from the other side of the room.

Cassian nodded, licking his lower lip, "And I apologize for not telling you earlier what I'm about to tell you now."

Nesta hesitated, before sitting down and joining hands on the table. Cassian followed that movement and grimaced.

"I have no way around it, so I'll just say it." he murmured. Nesta waited. And waited.

She was about to tell him that she was imploding to know what was preventing them both from living the dream of a lifetime when he said it.

He said it, and Nesta choked a laugh, holding her hand over her mouth.

And she thought it was serious business. She stood up, wanting to punch him for that stupid joke, but Cassian looked at her seriously.

"What?" she whispered, falling back on the chair.

"I have decided to enlist."

"Are you serious?" she asked, opening her eyes wide and leaning forward, towards Cassian, looking for a clue, something, anything that would confirm that he wasn't serious, "Is this one of your stupid jokes?".

Cassian rubbed one hand on his face, leaning with the other against the back of a chair, "I would have done it under other circumstances, I would have wanted to soften the blow and not do it like this," he said, desperately moving one hand between the two of them.

Nesta clenched her fists, cutting her palms with her fingernails, "So now it's my fault because I decided to ask you to move in together?"

He looked at her severely, "I didn't say that and you know it."

They stared at each other for a few more seconds. Neither of them spoke a word.

"You're not fucking joking," whispered Nesta in dismay.

"No, Nesta, I'm not joking. I'm going to enlist in the army."

The school, his bar, the wedding they both knew was practically imminent. The now tangible future that Nesta had dreamed of every day since she first kissed him. Her work at Prythian Space Agency.

Everything was fading away before her eyes.

She let out a breathy laugh, her hands to her head, "And- when, when did you decide all this?" she exasperatedly asked, "When did we decide that this sudden urge to commit suicide was part of the plan?" she looked him in the eye, snapping to her feet.

Cassian started pacing back and forth, just like Feyre had done the night before, "I've been thinking about this for a few months now-"

"A FEW MONTHS?" cried Nesta in amazement.

"Yes, a few months." he replied, looking guilty at least.

"Jesus Cassian." she murmured, "And when on earth were you planning on telling me this, uh? When were they going to send me a letter from the front saying that my boyfriend is dead?" she shouted.

"I'm not going to die," he said harshly.

Nesta found herself laughing hysterically, "It seems to me that you want to enlist in the army, or did I misunderstand?"

"Enlisting in the army doesn't mea-"

"Joining the army, Cassian, means going to places where there is war. War." she repeated. "It means holding a weapon and being willing to kill for the love of god-"

There was so much confusion in her head that she couldn't make a complete sentence without losing the thread. She put her hands in her hair. Her breathing labored.

There were so many reasons why Cassian shouldn't have even thought about this job option in the first place.

They were fine. They both had prospects for the future.

"Nesta, you have to listen to me-" his voice filled with emotion.

"I don't need to do anything, Cassian." she said spelling out the words, without looking at him. She needed to be alone. She couldn't think straight. She couldn't rationalize with his figure so close. "I've already heard enough."

"No, you must..."

"Enough!" she shouted. "I can't- I cannot think. I gotta go." she whispered, so softly that Cassian had to ask her to repeat.

She grabbed her purse and before he could understand what was happening, Nesta was out of his apartment and in the street, flailing for a cab to stop. She heard him calling her as he hurried down the stairs to reach her.

Cassian had just arrived on the ground floor when she slammed the car door and gave her address, leaving the love of her life behind.

acotar tag list (if you wanna be added/removed dm me or send and ask)

@tottenhamboys20 @sjm-things @kris10maas @awesomelena555 @sannelovesreading @queenamydien29 @ireallyshouldsleeprn @messyhairday-me @ncssian @observationanxioustheorist @my-fan-side @booksstorm @maastrash @sayosdreams @thedarkdemigod @courtofjurdan @thewayshedreamed @ladywitchling @nahthanks

[your-world-with-nct]

— 2020 has been a wild year for all of us and let me start this off by saying well done to us all for simply making it through this crazy ride - if surviving this year was your biggest achievement, that’s completely okay, and i am so proud of you for being here today !! despite the many, let’s say, mishaps, that have occurred this year, both nct and nctzens have been key in my 2020 and i couldn’t be more grateful for them, so i decided to make a little appreciation post of my own before the year ends 🥰

— to my followers ;

my petals !! i can’t believe i started off this year with around 300 followers and i’m now nearing 600 🙈 this account has grown so much this year and it’s all thanks to you. if you’ve ever come across my blog, liked or reblogged a piece of mine, sent me an ask, or pressed that follow button, i want you to know that i am so grateful for you and thank you for enjoying my works 🥺 hopefully 2021 will carry the same positive energy here on your-world-with-nct as it has this year and i’m hoping that you’ll be seeing a lot more fics in the near future 👀 once again, i love you petals <3

— to my dearest mutuals ;

@emistoomultifandom

em bubs !!! i know i could easily do this on any other app or even irl but i just wanted to thank you for making my year 🥺 my lockdown wouldn’t have been the same without us constantly texting and fangirling and our ty track/bfc reunion on my birthday was elite. and obviously this new school year has been an adventure and a half so far, with all the lunch time shenanigans, revision sessions, and exam stress, but i can’t wait for the rest of it 🙈 i am so grateful that i had you by my side during 2020 and i am eternally thankful that i’ll be able to go into the new year with you by my side once again 🧡💚💜

@misfitneo

bella - my first mutual, my tumblr mum - it feels like just yesterday that you wrote a beomgyu blurb for me after seeing my pink theme; now you’ve finished college and i’m applying to colleges 🙈i know we haven’t been able to talk as much recently but that doesn’t mean i appreciate your presence any less - i’m so proud of you for getting into med school and pursuing your dream 🥺🥺 i hope that this year treated you well, and that 2021 treats you even better 💞

@nsheeteeish

loml, almost birthday-twin, fellow leo and xiaojaem stan, fave writer - what do these things have in common? they all apply to v, or, yeet anon, if you remember the days where i ranted to you about my crush and you were a baby stay 😪 not only have you delivered such amazing content on ur writing and gif blogs, but you have provided so much comfort and joy to me whenever we message with dilay 🤧 i look forward to checking your blog every day for new posts and my twt and insta notifs in case you’ve sent me something or you’ve seen what i sent you 🙈 the fact that you think of me when you see certain things just warms my heart and you’re just such a caring person in general, thank you for being a part of my 2020 v, all the best wishes for your 2021 🖤

@cloudyangers

dilay !!! my resident yangqi and the person i think of straight away whenever i see yangyang 😚 i remember when you first requested that e2l chenle blurb back in 2019 and now the only chenle stan between us is v 😁 finding you on this app again after i forgot what ur skz blog’s url was, was just amazing and i don’t know what my tumblr experience would be like without me being able to reconnect with you 🥺 thank you for being able to make me laugh effortlessly with our lack of geography knowledge and our random antics, i will always look forward to seeing the username @cloudy_____ on my dash and screaming over renhyuckyang (+ sungchan 👀) with you for years to come 🤍

@nctsoftarchives

andi bb, my fellow dad!johnny stan 🥺 seeing you post a jaemin birthday blurb for me after your return to tumblr was so sweet and i can’t believe your first post after coming back was dedicated to me 🤧 i remember the day i first messaged you and you were gushing over how you were a big fan of mine and i said the same about you - we were just going back and forth about how much we love each other’s work 😌 you are such a talented writer and you are so full of love - wishing all the best for you in the coming new year babie 🥰

@jensungf

coming across leyna’s blog after reading that jsmr fic was the best decision, because not only have i befriended a brilliant writer, but also a jensung enthusiast who is just the kindest 🥺🥺 i think now would be a good time to tell you that despite jeno’s bias wrecking antics back in august, i actually bias jisung now 😃 i know we haven’t talked in a while, because of our busy schedules, but i hope you’re resting well and i hope that 2021 won’t be as hectic for you 💟

@doyoungcore

joyce, i know we only started talking recently but the serotonin boost both you and your works have given me this year is just incredible and i am so thankful for your warm personality on your blog and for your amazing fics 🤧 i started off as a silent reader who gushed about your writing in the tags but now i’m friends with such a talented writer and we just casually ramble about doie and jaems biases and writing struggles,,, wow 🤯 (btw took some of ur tips on editing headers 🙈) i hope that next year we can expand our friendship and that i can continue to give you the feedback you deserve 🥺💕

— favourite reads of the year ;

i have reblogged all of these to my main @/lovelycharm05 before, but i just wanted these masterpieces on here with everyone since these fics are so memorable and enjoyable to me <3 (beware there is lots of me gushing over how f&%#ing good all these writing techniques and plot devices are - can you tell i’m an eng lit nerd)

@nsheetee - moonlight café

obviously v released so many iconic pieces this year but this series was just *chef’s kiss* coffee shop au’s are the cutest to me because you can do so many different things with them, and you truly showcased that through each members’ part. although i am nahyuck biased (out of all the 00 liners), i have a soft spot for jeno’s part 🥺🤧 but that doesn’t mean i’m not obsessed with jealous jaems and cocky hyuck 🙈

@notnctu - to all the j’s i loved before

the very first work i ever read of yours, joyce 🥺🥺 i remember seeing an nct network reblog this and after reading through the summary of the series, i was enticed by the plot and i read most of your masterlist whilst waiting for the next parts 🤧 the main character’s relationship with each ‘j’ was unique to them and their interactions were just so sweet to read (except jaemin’s >:( why did my ult’s part have to be the angsty one 😤 jk jk i loved it anyways) special mention to ‘cupid’s arrow’, because that fic was an emotional rollercoaster and i loved that almost as much as i love bestfriend!jungwoo in the last part 😌

@misfitneo - lee haechan’s pride

it would be a sin if i didn’t include this in my top reads this year, pun intended 😌, especially since i have a weakness for mafia aus. i haven’t had the time to read mark or renjun’s parts yet, but from what i read in this fic, i’m sure theirs are just as good, if not better. the storybuilding and the development of the plot are so detailed and intricate and that is what i love in a fic. i already reviewed this on my main with a lengthy description of my favourite parts so i’m gonna keep this short and sweet - if you love haechan, mafia au’s, and enemies to lovers, you need to read this !!

@jensungf - passing clouds + only forever

these fics hit different now that i bias jisung 😭 ‘passing clouds’ was pure angst and as much as it hurt, it was written so beautifully and i loved it so much. ‘only forever’ healed the jisung shaped hole in my heart and made me fall in love with him all over again. the first love vibes he gives off is unbelievable and that innocence was presented perfectly in this 🤧 side note: never let jisung bake for you even if it’s as a peace offering 😖

@hyucksie - in the long run + second first kiss

although ‘sweet talk’ and ‘silent treatment’ are also contenders for some of my favourite fics of the year, these two have taken the cake 😌 the concept itself of time travel and mark and y/n seeing their future child was so creative and the mixed emotions that the characters experienced seeing their future were executed so well and the ending when their actual future selves remembered the day they time travelled 🥺🥺 not to mention the sequel doesn’t feel forced at all, the story flows well, and jealous mark is a cutie 🥰

@luvdsc - not clickbait

i’ve been following cat after i first read ‘i turned my best friend into an e-boy!! (and kissed him)’ and ever since then every piece of hers that i’ve read is simply breathtaking and so engaging. her style of writing is so unique and whenever i read anything of hers i feel so immersed in the fic. the dreamies as youtubers and tiktokers was such a cute concept to me and the little comment section at the end of each fic is probably my favourite part 😳 the way each member’s fic connects to the plot of another is perfect and their cameos in one another’s fic >>> (jisung telling y/n about the tiktok challenge in mark’s fic + cameraman jisung in chenle’s) i could keep talking abt this series for a lot longer but i’ll end it here, also i can’t wait for norensung’s parts 💞💞

@pwarkhans - the neo academy

i’ve probably mentioned my love for ‘the umbrella academy’ before but THIS !!! this series just made me love it even more 🙈 despite yangyang’s part being the only one that’s out, that and the prologue are interesting enough and seeing the 00 liners in this alternate universe is honestly amazing jxjwjxkw jaemin as three and hyuck as two is everything. the brothers’ relationship, especially in yangyang’s part, is so complicated yet so cute and i can’t wait for the rest of the members’ parts 💘

@yongtxt - vintage

when i first stumbled across this series, i was immediately intrigued by the plot, and not just because it was about rapper!mark and singer!y/n🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯 the side characters (dreamies + doie and jisoo) were so funny and well-written and the plot >>>> i was so invested in the twists and turns of the story, the relief i felt when the conflict was finally resolved and we got our fav musician couple !!

@byunbaekby - apartment b23

i only found this series recently but wow am i invested in the plot already 😭😭 the conflict in the story is realistic and feels like something you could actually relate to. norenmin’s friendship/bond is so strong and evident through the story and the side characters are my babies (heejin, shuhua, lia - ily 🤧) i can’t wait for the rest of this series since i am a sucker for the perfect balance of angst, fluff, and crack in this 🥰

— favourite works of the year ;

unfortunately i haven’t had enough time to release any fics this year, and i’m hoping that that won’t be the case next year, but here are my top 5 favourite blurbs that i enjoyed writing and reading <3

1:48pm -> dad!johnny

one of the most popular blurbs on my blog to this day 🥺 honestly i get why, who doesn’t love dad!johnny? hyejoo is literally so adorable here and the family dynamics make me soft all over again whenever i reread this piece. also everyone’s reactions and replies to this are so heartwarming because everyone’s just whipped for the suh family 🙈

1:05pm -> soulmate!taeyong

i love soulmate au’s but something always irked me with the permanence of your soulmate like ,,, what if you end up falling out of love with them? then what? that inspired me to write my own take on soulmates, where they aren’t found, but made. taeyong’s character here is just so full of love and you know how much i love lovable boys 🤧 (ever wondered why i ult na jaemin...?)

12:13pm -> boyfriend!mark

7dream!!!! i don’t usually write domestic fluff even though it’s one of the genres i indulge in the most 😔 but when i do, i go all out because everyone needs to know how soft i am for my boys >:( mark’s love for the dreamies is so unique and i love their friendship so much, i had to write about it when i first heard about the 7dream announcement which i definitely did not cry at

11:40pm -> boyfriend!jeno

this was one of the first requests i ever got and i was just so touched than someone personally requested something from me AND it was jeno 🥺🥺 everytime i read the tags under this, everyone is just gushing over jeno and like,,, same 🙈 this type of fluff >>>

waking up with wayv -> wayv reaction

when em first requested this, i didn’t exactly know how to write something for each member without being too repetitive, but in the end, i loved the mini plots i wrote for them and it’s just one of my underappreciated faves 🥰

— favourite releases of the year ;

just a few of my favourite albums that got me through online school and revision sessions for offline school 🥲 ft. lots of nct + october albums bc that month was PACKED

nct 2020 - resonance pt1 + pt2

nct 127 - neozone: the final round

nct dream - ridin’

wayv - awaken the world

superm - super one

enhypen - border: day one

twice - eyes wide open

txt - minisode1: blue hour

seventeen - semicolon

stray kids - go live + in life

itzy - not shy

conan gray - kid krow

if you’ve managed to read all the way to the end, congrats for putting up with my lengthy and very sappy sentiment and sorry that you had to go through all of that 😭😭 thank you for being a part of my 2020, i hope that the new year allows us all to have a fresh start and brings us the opportunities we didn’t have this year. happiest new year to you all 🥳 (even tho it’s not 2021 yet when i’m posting this :))

[armywriter2605]

Theirs- Chaper 5 - OT7 x Reader

Genre: Mafia AU! BTS; Yandere AU! BTS; Angst; Fluff; Smut (not yet); OT7 x Reader

Warnings: Cursing; Mature Content ; Mentions of abuse and bullying; Yandere BTS; Gore; Stalking; more to be added throughout the series

Words: 3k +

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10

Tag List :

@themisses777 @snowythellama @i-am-canada-13 @honeycutelove @im-a-space-child @minhyunie-lovely @kawaiimusiccollection @perfectlyfangirling @technicolor-blues @karissassirak @decafe-jeonseagull @cherryicy123 @blackpanther4550 @ahslde @bangtanlove16 @joyful-jimin @beach-bitch-bitch-beach @sjt-kpoplover @letmebefreeblr @kaykay-loves @someslightobsessions @ttimeawayy @snowythellama @taerifficocean @bts-edits-bitch @saywheaaat @namjoonsslutakakoreanmanswhore @aretha170 @moxxie84

GIF NOT MINE

For 20 full minutes you hadn't directed any word to the 7 boys who constantly tried to get you to talk to them. You just had too much to think of. How long had this been going? How could you have not noticed it? How did they manage to hide it so well and exactly why did they hid such thing from you? You snickered to yourself as they parked the car in the garage. Of course they would hide this. Only a crazy person would openly tell their best friend such thing.

"Is something funny, Y/N-ah?" You hear Jungkook asked from next you. You stared at him for a couple of seconds before you shrugged and got out of the car, heading for the elevator that would take you to their apartment on the top floor.

You were the first to walk into the apartment where you headed straight for the living room. You knew you eight would have a long conversation and for that, you would be seated. The seven boys closely followed you and once you sat down in one of the couches, all the boys besides Namjoon sat down. You cleared your throat and looked up at Namjoon who stood in front of you.

"Start explaining then."

You were expecting for Namjoon to explain to you everything, like he always did, yet the one to start talking was Jin, who now also stood up.

“We work in a mafia/gang, whatever you want to call it princess. Namjoon is the leader, as you must have caught on.”

You waited for him to tell you more, explain everything but after that he just went quiet, like there was nothing else to say.

"Just that? When did this start, why are all of you a part of this, why didn't you tell me anything and why the fuck are you so fucking calm with it?"

You noticed how Yoongi sighed and rest his cold hand on your knee and giving it a squeeze. It was almost like he was telling you to calm down.

"We all met when we were kids one day at a park. We all played cops and thieves and after some time we all came to the conclusion that we just loved to play the thieves. It was all innocent fun games, but then when we met you, we realized that we needed to have the ways to protect you no matter what. To have all the money to provide you with everything your heart may desire and of course, make you happy. So, while you, Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung were at school, me, Jin-Hyung, Namjoon and Hoseok would steal and rob small stores. Then we started to become bigger. We started to have more people want to work for us, more people who wanted to join us. With that, we and our crimes grew. If you're wondering why we were never caught is because we were always very careful and always planned everything carefully. No one besides the people who work for us knows it's us behind everything and we rarely show our faces, only to deals or important things. As to why we kept this from you is because we knew you wouldn't like it. You wouldn't accept it, love. We're sorry you had to find it out this way though."

You listened to Yoongi's words carefully, as they were a mirror that could shatter and cut you anytime. Once you noticed he was done talking, you slowly nodded your head understanding why they would keep it from you, yet what lingered in your head was why would they do this for you. You didn't even hung out with them that much the first year you got to know them.

"Why?... None of you even knew if we would become friends. None of you even knew if I wanted to be friends with you. Why would you do this? You didn't even know if we would keep on being friends…Why do you do this? Why do you even continue to do this...?"

“Everything we do, we do it for you sweetheart. We would take care of you, no matter if you wanted or not. From the first time we laid our eyes on you, you became ours. That's why we had to find a way to make sure you were always going to be okay."

You looked at Taehyung like he was a monster with two heads. Did you have no say in the matter? Couldn't they see how big of an issue this was? It was like they were completely captivated with you.

"It's like you're all fucking obsessed with me! You seriously can't keep thi-"

“We love you.”

You heard Jungkook's voice fill the room, like it echoed through the walls and made you immediately turn to him, not wanting to believe the words that had just been spoken. What did he mean we? Did he mean all of them? What if it was only a trick to make you forget what had just happened?

"Don't you dare to say those words in a time like this. You…none of you get to say that, okay? You don't get to do that to me…"

You rested your face on your hands as you closed your eyes and sighed, not knowing how to keep this conversation going without going to the extremes. They were still your best friends; you had no doubt in that, but they were revealing to be people that you hadn't notice before. Perhaps you had been blinded by everything, yet now that you thought of it, all signs were right there. How overprotective they were, how they did everything for you, how it literally looked like they lived for you and your well-being. The flags were waving right in front of your eyes, yet it was like you had lived with your eyes closed until now. All the money and how people in school distanced themselves from you whenever one of them was there.

"You're right. We're obsessed with you angel…you're the one who drives us crazy and to our limits. But we love you and you can break down right now in here, but I won't stop myself from telling you the truth. That's what you wanted, right? That we told you everything and all our secrets."

You looked up to Hoseok who stood next to Namjoon, both looking down at you. It was like you were somehow seeing their true colors yet at the same time you weren't. Like half of their face had been covered with a mask of the other half. Were you the one who was overreacting? Couldn't they see the whole picture here?

"Then tell me the whole truth, Hobi! Yoonie said that your crimes grew, right? In what way?"

"Munchkin…please. Let's just drop this. We're sorry that we didn't tell you the truth, but we're the same boys you met at the arcade. We're us."

Jimin's voice was clearly full of hurt. You could also see it in his eyes. How glassy they looked and how he tried to stop his lips from pouting. You could easily see he was about to cry.

"Tell me…I need to know. I'm so done with secrets and lies and just everything. Just tell me already."

"Babygirl, we've done the worst you can think of but everything we do is for you, okay? Like Jimin said, we're still the same. Nothing needs to change."

“You kill people, Joonie?”

"NO! We have yes, but it's not like we go on killing sprees. We only kill those who deserve it. Believe us. For you, we would do anything yes. But we're good people.”

“You’re all monsters …”

You stood up from your seat, your eyes fixated on Namjoon who stared at you without blinking. You loved them, yet to know that they have taken lives perhaps for no good reason at all was completely disgusting and made you sick to the stomach. In your mind, the boys who always welcomed you with a smile and loving eyes were no longer the same. It was like they had been beautiful white roses until now, yet their color had now been tinted with red from all the blood that they must have shed.

"Don't you dare call us monsters. We've done everything for you. Don't you fucking dare to call us monsters when all we've done is take care of you and make you smile! Don't you FUCKING dare, YN!"

Taehyung was now standing up, his eyes not leaving yours. You could see he was angry, how tight his fists were closed and his white knuckles gave it away and his tone was now much darker than usual.

"Well, I'm not smiling now, am I Taehyung? I don't think I am!"

“Why are you fucking overreacting? You’re making this so fucking shitty, Y/N! Stop it”

“Stop it!? YOU KILL PEOPLE, TAEHYUNG. YOU SHOULD BE IN JAIL! JAIL, TAE!!”

"We did this because you told us you wanted the perfect life! Remember?! You said you would love anyone that was able to give you that! LOVE US THEN, Y/N."

You stared wide eyed at him as memories now filled your head.

Flashback on

You were sitting down on your bed watching a movie. You had been bored all day since the boys told you they had a couple of things to do and couldn't hung out today. It was Saturday which meant then you would have to stay the all day alone since your parents were both working.

Flashback OFF

“I was 15, Tae! 15 years old! I was a kid. So was Jungkook, Jimin and you! All of us were... You did this because of a damn text?”

“YES! NO! For fucks sake, why can’t you understand us?!” 

You let out a deep sigh and sat down again on the couch. What were you supposed to do? 

“I’m trying! I really am! I am...”

“Does that mean you don’t love us? You said it was only a text...you don’t love us? We love you and did everything but you don’t love us?” 

“Minie...that’s not it.”

“Then you do loves us, right Y/N-ah?”

“Kookie...I mean... I thin-”

“Right? You can’t just not love us. We’ve given you everything. Everything. Saying you don’t love us now would just be really mean, disrespectful and unthoughtful. Imagine if you were in our shoes? We’ve loved you since kids and this is how you say thanks to us after everything? Not very nice, right?”

You stayed quiet and looking down at your knees, not wanting to face any of them. Since when did Jungkook start talking like that? Why were you starting to feel guilty? He was right in a way. They had done a lot for you. Even the house you were in was theirs. The least you wanted was for them to feel like you weren’t thankful for everything they had done for you. 

“So, do you love us, baby?” 

“I guess...”

“Good! Since this is dealt with, let’s get something to eat. Yoongi help me in the kitchen!” 

Jin left the living room followed by Yoongi who kissed your cheek. You were left alone on the couch as the boys went either to take showers, help in the kitchen or change their clothes. Was it always gonna be this way? You were confused as to how you just gave easily up. Maybe you had to have a talk with each one of them, maybe you should try to understand them. 

You were making your way back to your bedroom after you decided that you weren’t hungry when you felt a pair of arms drag you from your way, holding you tight against them. 

“Hobi...”

“Sunshine, don’t let it bother you. I know Taehyung was a bit mean, but you know how he gets when he’s hurt. He’ll apologize tomorrow, don’t worry. Keep in mind that we’re still us. We love you. You love us. Let’s not make a big deal around this because it is not a big deal. Nothing will change regarding us.”

“It is a big de-”

“It’s not. Let’s go see if Jin-hyung, Yoongi-hyung and Jiminie need help.”

“Yeah sure, let’s go...”

Preview Chapter 6 

“Stop fucking controlling me. If I wanna go, I’ll go!”

“You’re ours. And you’re not fucking leaving this house!”

“Fuck the both of you!”

“Oh, you wish, sweetheart.”

“T-Tae...ah...Kookie please...”

[simpurnatural]

SFW Alphabet - Awesamedude Edition

Awesamedude x Reader

Warning ⚠️: 1 or 2 Curse words :)

Any writing errors? Point them out! Love some helpful feedback! <3

REQUESTS ARE OPEN LUVS <3

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Gift giving, you guys see how generous he is when it comes to Ponk. He’s so sweet. But if we’re trying identify his love language, it’s probably touch. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’d be the tall best friend that though he looks intimidating he’s actually such a sweetheart. If someone were to talk shit about him you would be the one throwing hands. He would just pick you up, throw you over his shoulder and walk away. 

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Yes and if he doesn’t mind switching between little spoon or big spoon. Just enjoys sharing warmth with another person in general. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Sam would want to settle down at some point when he finds the right person. He isn’t the best at cooking but does try to keeping things tidy and neat.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’s not the asshole that breaks up with you over text. He’d ask to meet you somewhere and make sure that you are in the right state of mind, sitting down, and break it to you as nice as possible. He’d want to break up with you on good terms and would keep in touch too.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

If he asks you to marry him, he’s ready to be with you for the rest of his life. But he wouldn't try to rush you into having a wedding right away. He knows that there’s a time for everything and when the time is right, that’s when you’ll say I do. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Oh he’s very gentle! Sam is a total Mama’s Boy and you all know it. NEVER raises his voice and would NEVER raise a hand to you. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He loves hugs and enjoys those slow-mo dramatic run and hugs after not seeing you for a few hours. He’s spin you around and kiss you on the lips.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He’d say it often over the smallest things like for example, you decide to get him food while you’re out even though he didn’t ask, he’ll just say it. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Trust is one of the most important things in your relationship, he knows you wouldn’t  cheat on him and you know he’d never cheat on you. But if he sees a guy out of their way to flirt with you, he’d step in right away.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Whenever he kisses your lips, it’s always out of love whether it’s long and leads to a makeout session or just a quick one before running out the door. He likes kissing your cheek or your hand because is such a gentleman. However, he likes to be kissed on the neck or jawline. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He’s a natural, babies never cry around him and he always asks if he can hold them with his arms ready to cradle them. He knows how to prep a bottle and burp it (OMFG DID I JUST REFER TO A BABY AS IT).

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He tends to sleep in but when he wakes up, he’ll just lay there with for a few minutes in a peaceful silence. Probably would wrap his arm around your waist and pull you closer to enjoy the warmth underneath the sheets.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

You guys fall asleep to watching movies all the time for sure. You’d be so hyped and excited to watch it but end up having to rewatch the next day because you slept through it.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Sam doesn’t usually like bottling up his emotions so he’d pull you aside and tell you right then and there how he feels about anything unless he’s nervous or doesn’t know how you’d react.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s patient and would never try to rush you into something you weren’t ready for. If it was a something he’d be able to teach you how to do he’d definitely be there to help. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers a lot of things and when he buys you something from the store he’d say Well you were talking about it last week so I decided to buy some for you.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

When you got to meet his mom, he was worried that she wasn’t going to like you but when she opened the door and her arms for a hug-all his worries were put at ease. You and his mom talked and laughed for hours, cooing at all his baby pictures.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

When out in public, he always has an arm around you waist or shoulder. If he thinks that you’re in certain part of town or situation that seems a but sus then he’ll tell you. He would throw hands for you and knows you’d be swinging at someone if they were being an asshole (talk shit get hit).

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He tries to do his best no matter what it is. Doing the dishes, planning dates, buying you flowers, and the list goes on and on.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Though he keeps most things clean, he never wipes down the counter or mirror after using the sink which is probably a pet peeve of your’s. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not very concerned. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes, if got into an argument and you stormed out of the house then he’s give you a minute to calm down before deciding to apologize to you. He doesn’t want to loose you. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

You guys tried a couple’s yoga class and though he was trying to be graceful, it ended very bad.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn’t like keeping secrets from his partner nor liking that his partner keep secrets from him. He likes a open healthy relationship. 

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He’ll take all the blankets but not on purpose so that’s why you guys decided to buy two blankets. 

...

shoutout to @the-coldest-goodbye for the template <3

[dragonofyang]

On Love and Lions Part 1: An Analysis on Love in VLD

“I have always believed that unity is where true power comes from, and true unity can only be born of love.” --Gyrgan, Paladin of the Yellow Lion

Voltron: Legendary Defender is a cartoon on Netflix that–with the final season available to watch on Netflix–has extremely regressive and harmful messages. The S8 on Netflix carries lessons about how war is good, that men shouldn’t respect the wishes and desires of women, that violence and abuse mean even victims aren’t deserving of forgiveness. Everything about that is 100% antithetical to what VLD was about throughout the prior seasons and each harmful message is another nail in the coffin of the original narratives of peace, respect, and fundamentally how everyone is deserving of love and forgiveness, regardless of the circumstances of their birth.

In fact, the theme of love in VLD is something we at Team Purple Lion wish to discuss. It’s arguably the most absolutely fundamental theme of the show. Love destroys the universe, and love saves it over and over again. And love would have rebuilt the universe, but thanks to the edits ordered by the trademark holder, the universe that should have been born from love was instead born from one girl sacrificing her life because she saw no better option. She didn’t even get to tell her only remaining father figure goodbye. What kind of message is that? In the original final season, prior to the executive meddling, we should have seen how love was such a powerful force in the universe that it could not just repair this reality, but all realities. And it’s not just romantic love, but six types of love.

Now, for those of you more familiar with our work, we’ve discussed some pretty big concepts in VLD and how they’re addressed, and there will be even more in future episodes of our reconstruction Rise and Atone. VLD engages not just with its own predecessors in the Voltron franchise, but Beast King GoLion, Labyrinth, Frankenstein, and Maureen Murdock’s The Heroine’s Journey is all but the story bible for Allura’s arc. The concepts we are about to discuss date back to Ancient Greece, and while love can be more than these concepts, it’s important that we have a framework through which we can discuss and analyze love as it appears in VLD without getting lost in all the examples.

In American culture, “love” is not very well-differentiated between kinds because we only use one word: “love”. While we use it across all sorts of contexts, we have to add modifiers when we don’t mean romantic love or familial love, which are the most commonly-acknowledged forms of love. VLD, being written and edited by primarily Americans living in America, also encounters this issue, but it does not focus solely on romantic love, which can complicate how to interpret love in the show. We, however, would like to argue that not only is it all love, but it doesn’t all have to be good love, familial love, or romantic love. At the end of the day the plot is driven by love in its many forms. Love is so baked into the story that it’s quite difficult to extricate, dare I even say impossible, and that ultimately is part of why we were able to reconstruct so much of what was lost in S8.

The Ancient Greeks had many words for love, but we feel it’s important to discuss the dialogue that VLD engages in with various forms of love, using the Ancient Greeks’ framework as a guide. The model gives us concrete definitions of different kinds of love, and can help us as an audience understand the various forms of love that are present in VLD. It’s important that we define the different ways we can observe love being portrayed because much of VLD relies on the writing adage of “show, don’t tell”.

So without any further ado, let’s dig into what, precisely, is love.

As stated earlier, we’ll be using terminology coined by the Ancient Greeks, specifically six categories of love that we feel are most prevalent in the show. We’ve also deduced our own examples of these forms of love when they’re taken too far or flat-out discarded, which will be discussed in a companion article.

The six forms of love are as follows:

Eros: the most famous kind of love, an intense (and often sexual) passion for another being and seeing the beauty within them. This is the love that most closely aligns with romantic love as we understand it in a modern American context.

Philia: an affection and loyalty between friends, notable for its platonic nature, it is the love that arises between friends, and can be found among family, but the modern equivalent would be the found family trope.

Storge: this is the intrinsic empathy between individuals, primarily the attachment of parents to children. This form of love was primarily used to describe familial relationships, and the patience one sometimes needs when around blood relatives.

Philautia: put simply, this is self-love in its purest form. It is acknowledging your needs, wants, and happiness without apology. The Ancient Greeks considered Philautia to be a basic human need.

Xenia: while many might not consider this to be a form of love, it is hospitality, or as we define it, love between a host and their guests. Specifically, this would be the care a host gives to their guests in both physical (food, gifts, etc.) and non-physical (respecting rights, protection, etc.). Hospitality is massively important because if you are good to someone while they are in your home, they will be equally good to you if you visit theirs.

Agape: this is a Greco-Christian term, ultimately, and is a little more difficult to understand because it can be confused with other forms of love. At its core, though, it is a pure and unconditional love such as that between spouses, families, or God and man. It shouldn’t be confused for other forms of love such as Philia because unlike the other forms of love, which only focus on one aspect of humanity, Agape is the unconditional and universal love for everyone. It’s sexless, unlike Eros. At its core, it’s the love born of goodwill to all people, regardless of circumstance.

While these are only six categories, there are many ways of interpreting love, especially since there are so many avenues to see love–in good and bad forms–in VLD. These categories are also not inherently hierarchical, and are not presented in any particular order. Agape is the main exception, being more convoluted in its nature, and thus is discussed at the end. It also narratively serves as part of the culmination to the plot, so it carries a greater weight in relation to the alpha plot of the whole story.

Now, let’s examine how they present in VLD. As an official reminder, please remember that all analysis of VLD is done from a ship-neutral stance and we are not proposing any endgame romances. The sole purpose of this article is to discuss observable portrayals of love in its various forms, and to analyze both the text and the metatextual messages resulting from them.

Eros: Passionate Love

Eros… arguably this is the most contentious form of love presented in VLD, if only because of all the ship wars that occurred in the fandom. Eros drives the shipping communities of fandoms across the world, because it often stems from on-screen chemistry or the potential of the fleeting seconds where a spark flies but does not catch in canon. The beauty of Eros is that it ripples quietly through fiction, or it can be a tsunami ready to devour the story. It’s the quiet whisper of two women sharing a private moment, to the shouted declarations in the heat of battle. Eros thrums through fandoms in a desperate tempo for seeing a love as passionate as you can feel in characters who may never share more than a glance.

Plato actually had quite the influence on the word “Eros”, because “Eros” or erotic love, was largely regarded as a type of madness brought upon a person by seeing someone whose beauty strikes your heart with an arrow (Cupid’s arrows, anyone?). Eros is the love that drives you to despair if the object of your affections is cruel or uninterested, and it burns like a fire. “Falling in love at first sight” is the key concept here, and you can see it reproduced in fandoms across the world, though many cultures have their own names and terms for it. Henry George Liddell and Robert Scott define “Eros” in A Greek-English Lexicon as “love, mostly of the sexual passion”. Plato, however, redefined the word to include a nonphysical aspect. He discusses it in Symposium and says that while (physical) Eros can be felt for a person initially, with contemplation you can and will fall in love with a person’s inner beauty, which for Plato was the ideal, since he specifically emphasized the lack of importance of physical attraction. In fact, Jung–who coined the Anima and Animus–has a similar approach, with an emphasis on unity within the self by accepting your internal Eros which manifests as your feminine Anima/masculine Animus.

In the text of VLD, Eros is remarkably subdued. This is partially due to its rating. Being a Y7-FV show, VLD can’t really have explicitly sexual content. Sure the implication can exist, but a lot of times sex has to be carried through metaphor if a story is to address it at all. Take the juniberry as an example. It’s a three-petal flower of a deep rose and softer pink, delicately topping a green stem, with a yellow pistil. In much of literary history, flowers represent female sexuality and beauty, and they are common representations of youth across genders.

Now, in strictly biological terms, flowers as a sexual symbol is a 1:1 accuracy in analysis, because the flower is the reproductive organ of a plant. I’d like to analyze the juniberry from a biological perspective, because understanding the anatomy of a flower can help us understand its role in literature as a metaphor for sex. The whole point of the flower is to be able to spread pollen across individual plants, whether by wind or by pollinators such as bats or bees, and breed to produce more plants. The actual reproductive organs of flowers are called the stamen and pistil, respectively. The stamen produces pollen, while the pistil collects pollen in its ovule to fertilize and create seeds. A stamen is a very slender filament, topped with what’s called an “anther”, which is where the pollen is actually released. The pistil, meanwhile, has a thicker base with a long body, usually topped with a few tendril-like structures called “stigma”.

Diagram by the Association of Societies for Growing Australian Plants [ID: A simple cross-section diagram of a flower. Three petals are visible on the far side, with reproductive organs drawn in the center. There is also a stalk and sepals at the bottom. Along the sides of the cross-section there are labels. On the left, a category called “Stamen” is labeled, with “Anther” and “Filament” pointing to two parts of the thinner reproductive organ. “Receptacle” marks the base of the flower, and “Peduncle (flower stalk)” marks out the stem. On the right, we have the label “Petal” and three labels under the category “Pistil”: “Stigma”, pointing to the top portion, “Style” pointing to the stem-like feature, and “Ovary” pointing to the rounded bottom. The label “Sepal” marks the leaf-like structure just under the petals. End ID.]

Now, when we look at the juniberries we see in canon, we can see that at no point are any drawn with stamens. They all have a single pistil growing from the center, and they’re topped with three stigma, meaning that all juniberries drawn on-screen are female juniberries.

Juniberries are a quintessential symbol of Altea, and they represent home to Allura, as well as what she’s lost. However, they also represent how Allura’s relationship to her own femininity is not some mystical thing determined by forces beyond her. Colleen gifts Allura a juniberry that was selectively bred from flowers she had available, and it’s identical in every way (that we can see) to the juniberries native to Altea. The message, though it’s subtle, is quite clear: Allura is in control of her femininity and can define herself however she pleases (“highlands poppy” versus “juniberry”). After the sexual undertones that threaded her relationship with Lotor, this is a very important message to convey, especially since a patriarchal story would punish Allura for the metaphorical sex in physical ways, such as how the season 8 on Netflix does.

Allura isn’t simply a vessel for male desire, nor is she a strong female character who doesn’t need a man. Her story is about finding agency separate from male expectations, without forsaking her own femininity in the process. Like the juniberry, she is feminine, but she is able to define herself, and the dark entity masquerading as Lotor reminds her of that with their conversation about calling the juniberry a “highlands poppy”. That’s what makes Lotor so dangerous to a traditional patriarchal values system: he reminds Allura that she has a choice.

It’s important to note that during their interactions Lotor never gives Allura a choice in the sense that he, a man, is allowing her one; he simply steps back and encourages her to make the choices to which she is entitled and to act on her emotions and desires. She is an agent of her own free will, and Lotor, being first her Shadow, challenges her to be smarter, quicker on the battlefield, and then as her Animus he challenges her to look inward and become in-tune to her own inner wants and needs. The other Paladins can offer some aid in that, but none of them strike her anxieties or hopes the way that Lotor can, being the crown prince and heir to her sworn enemy, and being half-Altean and half-Galra. He is, in a fundamentally physical way, the union of two races that were at war before Altea’s destruction, and to a survivor of that war, that forces Allura to question the beliefs she held in the beginning of the story. The stakes of success and failure are much higher with Lotor in the picture, and it’s easier to focus literary tension on two characters than five or six, so as a result of that persistent tension, we as the audience are given plenty of chemistry between two characters to spur Eros.

As we discussed last year in “Legendarily Defensive: Editing the Gay Away”, Keith was meant to have a gay relationship with another Paladin. We refuse to write conjecture on what his endgame romance was meant to be, however it is important to discuss Keith’s Eros in a metatextual sense. For example, let’s look at Keith and Shiro. Keith is a legacy character that dates all the way back to 1984 Defender of the Universe. His romantic subplot was relegated to excised footage and extremely subtextual if it managed to squeak past the axe. Shiro was able to be queer, however, due to the fact that he’s a DreamWorks-owned character who is new to the franchise, meaning that there isn’t a legacy that needed to be upheld.

Keith’s queerness, however, still acts as a spur to fuel the potential for Eros, and helps build tension between him and his fellow male Paladins. And I specify male Paladins because during season 2, Keith and Allura go off in a pod by themselves to see if Zarkon is tracking either of them. During the scenes with Keith and Allura together, it’s important to note the background music is remarkably flat and lacking in romantic cues. In prior iterations of Voltron, Keith and Allura are implied as endgame (DOTU), have the beginnings of an on-screen romance (VForce), or straight up just fuck on the page (such as in the comics). It stands to reason that this scene should at least imply some form of passionate chemistry here, but largely it’s two friends confiding in one another and trying to find reassurance as they confess their fears. Keith doesn’t have a moment to admire Allura’s beauty the way we see Lance and Matt do, and Allura doesn’t blush like how she does with Lotor or Lance. Without markers for any kind of Eros, the scene is a quiet moment of contemplation away from the stress, only to be broken by Shiro telling them to get back because the Galra Empire found the Castleship again.

So then where do we see passionate chemistry for Keith? At the risk of starting the ship-war again, his chemistry largely exists with Shiro and Lance. Shiro, narratively, functions as his Mentor, someone to guide and believe in him, who then gives up his position of leadership (sort of) so that Keith can grow. Bringing Shiro back prematurely makes it harder to see, but in a traditional Hero’s Journey, the Mentor figure teaches not-quite-enough to the Hero before disappearing, and the Hero grows on their own and becomes their own person. Naturally, this makes Keith and Shiro have tension, especially since Shiro was brought back prematurely due to marketing, so their relationship dynamic had to change to accommodate Shiro’s return. Lance, however, constantly baits and teases Keith, and Keith frequently rises to it and they argue. They butt heads and don’t have that sense of camaraderie that Keith and Shiro do, so right off the bat there is more obvious tension between the two of them. Eventually, Lance and Keith learn to trust each other, and in season 8 we finally see them settle their rivalry as they prepare to face Honerva. So while Keith’s dynamic with Shiro is more focused on camaraderie and growth, Keith’s dynamic with Lance is more focused on pushing each other to be better warriors and teammates.

Philia: Friendly Love

In VLD, we’re shown that friends can be found anywhere if you’re willing to put down the blasters and try to make them. We’re also shown that just because you’re on the same side of the battlefield, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re best buddies. Commander Lahn pledges his loyalty to Lotor after his base is saved by Voltron, and Keith and Lance butt heads so often you’d think one would sooner drop the other into a black hole. However, we should never discount the power of friendship, or rather, we should never discount the value of platonic relationships. This includes everything from friendship, to the found family trope, to the mystical bond the Paladins have with their Lions. Philia is the companion’s love, firmly rooted in platonic–and often intellectual–admiration.

Philia, as defined in A Greek-English Lexicon by Liddell and Scott, is “an affectionate regard or friendship, usually between equals”. Where Eros is the fiery passion between sexually-attracted adults, Philia is the platonic love between people who respect and trust each other. This is the love that flows like water, endlessly filling and refilling your emotional needs with good company, good advice, and generally just a good presence. Friendships are the ports we anchor ourselves at when the seas become too rough, and in VLD, where space is the most dangerous frontier and most of the universe is your enemy, friends are more important than ever for our Heroes and Heroines.

[ID: A screenshot of S4E1 “Code of Honor” with Allura, Lance, Coran, Shiro, Pidge, and Hunk sharing a group hug with Keith. Coran, Hunk, Pidge, and Allura are all crying, while Keith, Shiro, and Lance are smiling. End ID.]

Everywhere you look in VLD, you’re sure to find some kind of camaraderie between friends. Lance, Pidge, and Hunk make the Garrison Trio (or as I like to call them, The Planck Constant), and they get into shenanigans together. In fact, it’s entirely likely that had Lance and Hunk not decided to follow Pidge up to the roof, they never would’ve found Shiro, and subsequently Blue Lion. Later, when Voltron has allied with Lotor as the new Galra Emperor, they reprogram a sentry to become the eternally-fantastic Funbot. If you want a prime example of the fun that could be had between friends, those three are quintessential to the definition of Philia. They’re the first Youths you meet in the story, and it’s through their eyes we watch as a far-off intergalactic war comes to Earth at last. The show has us follow them as the audience, and we watch as they meet up with Keith, save Shiro, and then find themselves going from Earth to Kerberos in less than five minutes, and then by the end of their day, they’ve awoken Allura and Coran and are on Arus, thousands of lightyears away from their home.

We see the Paladins go from a rowdy group of teenagers with Shiro as the head to a group of five Heroes and Heroines capable of saving the universe. Lance helps Pidge get all the GAC coins she needs for a video game, and he’s always got the team’s back with his sniper rifle. Hunk always is ready to lend a hand, even when he’s scared of flying Yellow, but when the Taujeerans are in danger of falling into the acid as their planet breaks apart, he’s right there holding them up while the team gets the arc ship ready for takeoff. Our Paladins are the embodiment of the power of friendship, trust, and perseverance, and it’s that tenacity and dedication that should have carried our six Paladins to victory and brought the Purple Paladin back into the light he thought had forsaken him. Black, Red, Green, Blue, Yellow, Purple, and White, together in a bond of pure platonic love. There’s an old phrase I’m sure you’re all familiar with: “blood is thicker than water”. The power of Philia and found family in VLD challenges that notion in the original S8 when Lotor is offered his vindication. “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

Pick any two of our main protagonists and you’re sure to find a thread of Philia connecting them, because when you fight together as one, you inevitably become closer as the trust builds between you. In fanfic terminology, this is the root of the found family trope: strangers and friends finding themselves in a gripping adventure together, and discovering that they’re stronger together than they could be apart, and coming to see these people as more than colleagues or acquaintances. They become your family and people to defend, and the people you trust to have your back when it’s time to face down an enemy together.

That’s part of why Keith leaving for the Blade of Marmora is so fractious. He’s growing into a leadership role and obviously accustomed to it, but with Shiro’s premature return, there’s some growing pains as the incumbent leader and the former leader unintentionally butt heads. Keith needs to be in Black Lion without Shiro to complete his growth, but without a way to easily integrate him back into the team without messing with the legacy, Keith has to go. And like with any good friend, when you have to say goodbye, it’s a bittersweet affair. The team doesn’t want him to go, but in-canon he feels he can do more good with the Blade, but the meta reason is that his Hero’s Journey has been arrested. But, like with any good friend, the team is able to reunite with him at a later date and he integrates back into the group. They are wiser to the world, harder, but they are together again. And they need that unity when it’s time to face Honerva and go into battle for not just their universe, but all realities.

Storge: Familial Love

In English, we have many concepts of love, but generally we only treat the single word of “love” as a word for “love”. As a result, we tend to use other words to modify the type of love we mean, which can get things kind of sticky if you talk about X type of love but don’t specify that it’s X type and not Y type. With familial love, it can be relatively understood without being specified, but as you can see by my explication here, I still have to modify the word “love” with an adjective to describe the next kind of love I will be discussing. Storge, the familial love.

A Greek-English Lexicon defines Storge as “love, affection, especially of parents and children”. Storge, unlike Philia, is not a platonic admiration for a companion in the family, however it does denote respect. Storge is also not the idealized unconditional love of Agape (which we will discuss toward the end of this essay). Storge is the instinctive love for those in your family, especially between parents and children. I also argue the key aspect of Storge is that your family–for all the times you want to tear out your hair–will love you for the rest of their lives. And you’ll love them, because they’re people who have your best interests at heart, even if they don’t always express that well.

Coran, Coran, the gorgeous man himself is Allura’s second father figure (after Alfor), but he’s the only father figure for Allura in the show that’s alive. Coran’s protectiveness of Allura is well-documented. He was furious when she got captured saving Shiro, he warns her to be careful healing the Balmera, he worries for her in Blue, but at no point does he actually prevent her from making her choices. He wants her to have a full life, a happy life, or at least as happy as one can be when you’re one of the only survivors of a war. He’s a father through and through, and even if Allura is Alfor’s daughter by blood, Coran is the one who supports her during the most difficult stage of not just her life but the universe’s life. He loves her, he consistently reminds people to respect her and to think of what’s best for her. Not just as a princess of Altea or the heart of Voltron, but as a daughter. Alfor was her father, but he died before he saw her face the trials in the plot. Coran, however, he gets to see her grow into a woman even greater than what Alfor could have ever imagined. The audience might find him a little frustrating (such as in S8E1 “Launch Date”), and Allura takes his protectiveness in stride, but at the end of the day Coran is a gorgeous man with his heart in the right place, even if his execution is a little off the mark on occasion.

The Holt parents are also good examples of Storge. We see Colleen and Sam fight to tell Earth about what’s been going on, as well as finding their children. Colleen herself is a solid mama bear that anyone would want to have fighting for them in their corner, and we can see she gives no fucks about protocol when she’s told she can’t stay on Garrison grounds with her husband.

[ID: Colleen Holt glaring, her husband Sam behind her looking equally annoyed. She glares at Admiral Sanda (off-screen) as they argue. The subtitle reads, “You’ll get me the clearance.” End ID.]

While Colleen doesn’t hesitate to ground Pidge for running away to space, the fact of the matter is that she and Sam fought like absolute hell to protect their kids in the ways they had available to them. Storge is the love parents have for their children and these two human characters are the perfect examples of it, even if Pidge chafes a bit under being grounded. Sam and Colleen’s love for Pidge and Matt and Coran’s love for Allura are the perfect avenues to explore how Storge is love, even if it’s frustrating, but they also serve as an excellent foil for how that love can be horribly twisted.

Philautia: Self-Love

In S1E1 of VLD, when our human protagonists meet Allura, Sendak is barreling through open space to their location and hellbent on capturing the Blue Lion. Allura is able to talk to Alfor–or rather, his hologram–to seek guidance in the upcoming battle, and he says, “You must be willing to sacrifice everything to assemble the lions and correct my error.”

With VLD, there’s this idea of sacrifice, of giving your life for the greater good, but when discussing acts of love, we also need to talk about acts of love for yourself. We see many instances of characters sacrificing themselves for the greater good, the belief that their death will bring an eventual victory to the Paladins of Voltron and free the universe. Allura throws Shiro into an escape pod so he doesn’t have to suffer the abuse again, but in the process becomes a prisoner herself. Ulaz gives up his life to save the Paladins and keep the Blade of Marmora base secret. Thace sacrifices himself so that Galra Central Command can go offline and the plan can move forward. Keith nearly kills himself trying to break through Haggar’s barrier at the battle of Naxzella before Lotor intervenes and destroys the ship with a blast from his Sincline ship. Sacrifice is a massive part of the show, and needless sacrifices are always undone, but what message do continuous sacrifices leave us with as the audience? It leaves us with Alfor’s lesson: you must sacrifice everything to correct my mistake.

When you’re writing, one of the most basic things you must do to drive a plot forward is change something significant. In the beginning of a story, Character A might think Character B is wrong and has no idea of what it takes to do something, but then Character B later on needs to surprise Character A by proving they can do that thing or that they don’t need to. It forces Character A and the audience to rethink their initial assumptions, and it encourages tension and dialogue between characters that otherwise might not exist. It’s an internal motivation, and one that audiences will pretty much always find more gripping and compelling than a simple monster-of-the-week scenario. VLD is no different. “All Galra are bad/Altea is good” leads to meeting the Blade of Marmora and Alteans who took over their universe. The challenge to a character’s worldview is what makes turning these initial ideas on their head so satisfying.

So what could challenge the idea that you have to sacrifice everything? Especially to correct the mistakes of someone else?

Love. Not for others, not for family, not even for the greater good.

But for yourself.

To quote Audre Lorde, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Philautia is the love in which you put yourself first, not because it’s selfish, but because it’s self-care. Self-love is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as “an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue” and Philautia has been recognized for millennia as a basic human need by the likes of Maslow and the Ancient Greeks. Recognizing your own needs and worth is a fundamentally radical decision, especially if you are in a position where you’re expected to prioritize the needs of others before your own.

S1E1 of VLD offers us pretty much every worldview that gets challenged later on in the series, except for Alfor’s. We see Alteans can be equally cruel, that Galra are not all evil. Voltron is a great protector, but it is also a great weapon, and Keith even calls it an alien warship in the very beginning, highlighting the danger Blue–and consequently Voltron itself–poses by merely existing. Philautia is not the exertion or prioritization of your desires, but the assertion of your needs. It can easily swing too far into selfishness and vanity, but making yourself heard is never a bad decision, and for those who are marginalized, women, trans people, disabled people, neurodivergent people, nonwhite people, it is an act of defiance. The sins of people in positions of power are not the burden for their victims to bear. If protesting is too much or too burdensome, simply taking the time to care for oneself is enough, because you can’t pour water out of an empty cup. Alfor’s plea to Allura was always meant to be overturned with the finale, especially since she’s facing down the antithesis of everything she believed in season 1. Honerva is selfish, manipulative, abusive, and an Altean woman. Alfor would ask Allura to give up everything she has left to destroy Honerva, but in the original and unedited season 8 Allura would have taken that plea and turned it on its head.

VLD’s Princess Allura is the first and only iteration to be a nonwhite girl and voiced by a black woman. Having her sacrifice herself is an extremely harmful message to little girls of color everywhere because it’s not the burden of girls of color to save the world. Their duty is to love themselves and know they’re able to be as brave and kind and intelligent as they’d like. Princess Allura’s arc is about a girl learning to not shoulder the burden of violence, but instead choosing to relieve herself and choose healing and creation, and in turn, her reward would be the literal universe at her fingertips.

And Allura isn’t the only character to learn to love themselves. Lance, as well, learns to become comfortable with himself. At first he’s comfortable and cocky and immature in Blue Lion, but then as the seasons progress and he finds Red to be more of a challenge, he learns he has to follow through with his actions and decisions. He learns that to fly Red, he can’t hesitate and just has to roll with the punches. He dubs himself “the sharpshooter” of the group, and at first he gets laughed at, but then he saves Slav from being trapped in prison once more by firing and making a near-impossible shot. He doesn’t have to forge ahead and fight recklessly, he simply has to see an opportunity and take it.

All our other Paladins learn to become more comfortable with themselves, as well. Hunk becomes more confident in being the voice of reason, and becomes an A+ diplomat in the process. Pidge is able to open up and be honest with her team about her secrets and fears, and in return is blessed not just with that weight off her shoulders, but the knowledge that her team is her family just as much as Sam and Matt are. Keith, too, learns that he doesn’t have to go it alone all the time. He’s able to relax and trust his team, and rather than burdening himself with doing everything, he’s able to rely on the skillsets of the other Paladins and make them a stronger team by focusing his attention on directing them, as opposed to commanding them.

Another interesting example of Philautia is Lotor himself, who at no point is uncomfortable with his mixed heritage, even when he’s called a “half-breed” or when one of his parents blames half of his heritage for his failings. The main reason that it’s not as blatant is because by the time the story begins, he’s been at peace with his heritage and his place in the Galra Empire for a long time, and thus does not play a significant role until he has his breakdown at the end of season 6.

This form of love is quite possibly the most frustrating, if only because so much of its payoff was in season 8. We should see Allura not give up her life in the name of sacrifice, but rather choose to become a goddess in the name of love. We should see Lance become unshakably confident in his abilities when it’s time to face the biggest bad guy of the series. The final season was meant to be a season won through love, and self-love is quintessential to that victory, because it gives viewers the message that your acceptance of yourself is vital to the world. It’s an important lesson for little girls everywhere to know that their worth doesn’t lie in how much of themselves they can give away, but how much of themselves they cultivate and grow, because if you trust in yourself and choose love, then you’ll be as powerful and strong as Princess Allura. It’s possible to be the brave and chivalrous Paladin while also being the princess who likes the occasional sparkly thing.

The lesson of Philautia in VLD is one of embracing your limits of what you can give, and reminding the world that you matter, because loving yourself is the greatest act of defiance when you’re faced with an enemy who wants nothing more than for you to make yourself smaller, weaker, more amicable if it would please them. It’s the reminder to be gentle with yourself, no matter what battles you face, because caring for yourself is just as–if not more–important.

Xenia: Love for the Stranger

Hospitality is a massive part of many cultures, I personally had a relative (who has since passed) who would always have an open door for the poor families in their neighborhood and the stove would always have something cooking. My own mother will cook especially for you if you need her to. There’s a reason “Southern hospitality” is famous. Good food, good company, and ultimately safety are what sets Xenia among the categories of love as defined by the Ancient Greeks. In VLD, this form of love is very sparse in comparison to love such as Philia, however it’s extremely important that our heroes engage in it. To quote Coran, “70 percent of diplomacy is appearance. Then 29 percent is manners, decorum, formalities and chit-chat” (“Changing of the Guard”). The remaining one percent, which Allura notes, is actual diplomacy and fighting for freedom. That’s essentially what hosting, good and proper hosting, is. It’s taking someone into your home and providing them with material comforts and necessities such as food, as well as non-physical ones like safety or protection, or extending and respecting their rights.

A good host will anticipate their guests’ needs because they have a love for their fellow strangers, and they show that love by providing for them. Xenia is the love of the stranger who has taken up space in your home and respecting their need to do so, but it’s also a reciprocal love. By extending your hospitality to a person, they will be more inclined to do the same for you and yours in the future. In Greece it was a complicated dance of gift-giving and receiving, spurred by the belief that one would incur the wrath of a god in disguise. While offending the gods was a big fear, it’s important to remember that good hosting and good guesting will create a deep bond between both parties because you’re respecting one another. Respect your wayward traveler and welcome them into your home, and they will entertain you with tales from far away lands, and in the future you will find a place at their table. Respect your host and the space they provide you, and you’ll receive gifts and care fit for a god. This giving and receiving encourages goodwill between strangers, and providing care to someone you don’t know is an act of love in its own right.

There’s a rule in American food language: “never return an empty dish”. This rule is especially prevalent in the US South and Midwest regions, but the general idea is that when you meet someone new (i.e. a new neighbor) you bring them a dish of something to welcome them and introduce yourself. You make small-talk, help them get acquainted with the area, wish them well, and then go on your merry way. Then, once your new neighbor has settled, eaten the food you gave them, and had time to make something new, they come knocking on your door and return that dish to you with a new food in it.

That’s a facet of what Xenia can encompass, and we see Xenia acted out in three key ways in VLD: Allura recruiting people for the Voltron Coalition, Lotor hosting the Paladins during their alliance, and Hunk showing his care for others through cooking.

Allura, for all her charms, isn’t that great of a diplomat, especially in the beginning of the story. When she meets the Arusians, she accidentally informs them that their dance of apology isn’t enough, which then makes them think they need to sacrifice themselves on a pyre. She thankfully recovers and lets them continue the dance, and then invites them into the Castle of Lions later. With the leaders of the rebel planets, she has a good presence and is rather suave with her guests, however when attention moves off her and onto the Paladins, and when the question of Voltron comes up, it’s extremely difficult for her to take control of the situation again. The loss of Shiro was fresh, and she really didn’t have a good answer that would reveal they couldn’t form Voltron, so she struggled with taking control back. This isn’t an indictment on Allura, but it is meant to point out how Xenia is not easy to learn. As we follow the Paladins, however, Allura gains confidence in her ability to speak publicly, and as they gather more allies it becomes easier for her to encourage alliances. She goes from panicking and trying to keep Arusians from dying to being able to communicate with allies and command a room. Xenia doesn’t come as naturally to Allura as it does to Hunk, and Lotor has had millennia of practice, but the important thing about Xenia is that you extend your hand and make the effort, even if it’s a little clumsy, because in the end you’re caring about strangers and welcoming them into your home and telling them they have a place at your table.

However, where Allura falls short in Xenia, we see both Hunk and Lotor shine. Let’s examine Lotor’s expertise, first.

Lotor is ten thousand years old, and it’s implied he’s spent much of that time playing the political game of the Galra Empire, as well as learning about other planets. It’s canon that he has a thirst for knowledge, and so couple his curiosity with his need to survive a very blood-driven political environment and you have a golden host forged in fire. It’s difficult to surprise Lotor, since he’s pretty much always two steps ahead of everyone. When he forges an alliance with the Voltron Coalition after his victory at the Kral Zera, Lotor has banners hung that bear the same symbol that Zarkon and Alfor fought under, which also adorns the shield on Green’s back. He specifically sought to recall the good times between the Galra and Alteans, and personally greeted the Paladins on his flagship. He encourages the Paladins to explore and use whatever resources they need, because as their host, Lotor–and by extension the entire Galra Empire–is now at their disposal. He’s the ever-perfect host, inviting his lower-ranked guests to make themselves comfortable, and acknowledging Allura’s rank as princess and personally escorting her along. In a lot of other high fantasy or sci-fi stories, showing the heroes around would get palmed off to a servant of some sort, especially if the host is duplicitous. However, Lotor affords our Heroes and Heroines quite a bit of respect compared to what other characters in his place might do, even going so far as to offer his own personal time to the princess when he has an empire to claim still. Given the canon politics, Lotor logically should have been in constant communication with various officers and securing their loyalty to him, but instead he takes time to approach his new allies and make them feel welcome in the headquarters of their former-enemy.

So while Lotor is arguably the best example of good hosting I’ve ever seen in a show (without it turning out to be some sort of ploy), Hunk’s style of Xenia is equally good if in a different way. While Lotor is shown to essentially be a master of decorum, Hunk is a master in the kitchen and the art of making room for everyone at the table. Hunk has only been in space for a few months to a few years (depending on when in the series we’re talking), he hasn’t had the millennia to research planets and learn all their customs, or train in diplomacy to make up for any lack of education. He’s just a guy from Earth who likes to cook and who especially likes to cook for others. In all prior iterations of Voltron, Hunk has always been “the food guy” or “the slightly dumb, but lovable one”. It’s not particularly flattering, and VLD even pokes fun at how flat his character is historically in “The Voltron Show!” by adding fart gag noises. In VLD, however, we see that Hunk is intelligent and brave, if anxious, and he’s more at home in a home than he is in a Lion. Hunk is a good Paladin, but he is quite possibly the best diplomat in the whole show.

A large part of Hunk’s diplomacy lies in listening. When he’s out in the field, he’s quite possibly the best listener out of the entire team. When there are guests on the Castleship, or when the Alteans are on the IGF-Atlas, he doesn’t just listen, he welcomes them. In scenes from season 8, we really get to see this shine, because as Hunk says in “Day Forty-Seven”, “food has a way of reminding people of moments in time.” Bringing good memories with food can go a long way to putting stress and anger behind people.

Every person has a dish that, when prepared, makes them relax and think of happy memories. In Hunk’s kitchen, everyone eats, and nobody is unwelcome. Whether you’re Commander Lahn and working with Hunk to save your planet from devastating radiation, or you’re an Altean who just wants what’s best for your people, Hunk will meet you halfway and try to see things from your perspective, and offer you a cookie because he feels like it. Hunk’s Xenia is not wrapped up in protocol or etiquette. His Xenia is found just across the kitchen table, with a plate of warm food and a friendly conversation, ready to listen to your troubles and offer a hug, if not a solution.

Agape: Unconditional Love

Now that we have discussed the five prior categories of love as defined by the Ancient Greeks, let’s examine Agape, which can be difficult to conceptualize. “Agape” originates a Greek term, however it wasn’t used very often until Christianity came into the picture, and thus it encompasses far more than even xenia does, because while Xenia is love in the form of courtesy to travelers, Agape’s prevalent definition stems purely from the idea that God loves everyone unconditionally. In fact, “agape” is the term used in the Bible to describe the unconditional love of God, but when you translate it to English, the word simply becomes “love”, losing the weight that it carries in Greek.

The idea of unconditional and divine love is not unique to Christianity or the Ancient Greeks. Throw a rock in any direction and I’m sure you’ll find a culture with a similar concept to Agape. The key aspects of unconditional love is that it is sexless–meaning attraction is unnecessary to feel Agape–and that it is founded in goodwill for others. It feels cheap to throw the quote “love thine enemy” around in this section, because that discounts the importance of Philautia as we discussed it earlier in this essay, but at the end of the day that’s what Agape means. The Bible–which influences much of the definition of this kind of love–would have people forgive the ones who do them wrong, but forgiveness does not mean forgetting, and loving someone doesn’t require forgiving them either.

In VLD, a man loved a woman so much he tricked his closest friends and allies into opening a rift in an effort to save her life. In the process, they both died and revived, cursed with immortality and a thirst for destruction. Zarkon was a man who loved Honerva so much that he doomed the known universe to 10,000 years of his tyranny. Honerva, when she regained her memories, sought vengeance against Voltron for not just losing her son, but also because she blames everyone around her for being the reason why her own son rejected her time and time again. Honerva is the antithesis to Allura in pretty much every way, and in the edited season 8, Lotor is condemned to a cycle of abuse because he’s never offered an opportunity to speak, just like how he was violently silenced by his mother when he disobeyed his father on the colony planet in “Shadows”. Honerva, however, is not.

[ID: A screenshot of S8, featuring from left to right: Lance, Keith, Allura, “Shiro”, Pidge, and Hunk. They face Honerva, who is facing away from the audience so we see the back of her head and suit. Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

[ID: A shot of “Allura”’s hand grasping Honerva’s wrist and vice versa. Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

Allura being a paragon of growing into Philautia gives other characters the ability to do the same, but as @leakinghate notes in “Seek Truth in Darkness”, that is not Allura’s hand, just as that is not Shiro next to Allura in the prior screenshot. Allura is not the one who was most wronged by Honerva. She was asleep and hidden from the universe. Lotor, however, was subjected to centuries of abuse by the hands of his parents.

Agape is a complicated love, one that requires a person to be able to love everyone unconditionally, but love does not necessarily mean “forgive and forget”. It’s important that Allura impart the enlightenment she gained on her Heroine’s Journey, because this is the point where she can be at peace and claim her cosmic reward, but she cannot do so without the person who was most wronged being able to face his oppressor: Lotor.

[ID: A close-up shot of Lotor glaring at the audience, with the subtitle text reading, “maybe I will take pity on you when the time comes.” Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

As @leakinghate​ pointed out, Allura is the one to use her abilities to restore Honerva’s sense of self, but Lotor being present makes this confrontation all the more poignant and intense. This is the opportunity for us to see Agape in its full glory, but with the edits to the final season it’s a pale shadow of what could have been. The universe is about to be reborn because Allura and Lotor stay behind to repair the rift in all realities. We need that Philautia that Allura is able to embody, but we also need Agape. We’re shown countless times throughout the show that good and evil are not so clearly delineated, and that there are shades of gray everywhere. Lotor has been hurt so much by the one person alive who should have loved him unconditionally.

And rather than continue the cycle of abuse and take vengeance, he chooses to let go. We should have seen him take his power back, not in a godly or violent sense, but his power over his fate. He is not his father. And he is not his mother. He is more. By confronting her in this rift of all realities, we see the foreshadowing of season 6 come into full swing and while we are missing much of that original sequence between him and his mother, it’s important to realize that regardless of the content that was removed post-production, he takes pity on his mother in a sense. She’s a flawed person who made bad decisions. He does not owe her forgiveness, and he does not owe her love, but in her finally letting go of not just him but all the spirits of the original Paladins, Lotor himself is able to be free to love in the way he was denied: unconditionally.

The universe needs people who love themselves enough to choose a path of peace, and it needs to be made with the unconditional love of a parent, a friend, a lover, a god. It needs the eternal goodwill of its new creators because the people of the new universe will fuck up. They’ll make mistakes and hurt each other and Weblums will eat planets and the circle of life will continue. But being able to look at the fucked-up universe and say “I love you” is a power that not many have. It takes courage to look at the universe that has wronged you, wronged billions, hurt the found family that’s accepted you, and still find a way to love it.

The new universe is made of love just as the old one was. It’s made with passion, for friends, for family, for strangers, and for yourself. It’s made by people with love and hope and the intent to make the world they live in a little better every day. And that, ultimately, is the true love that spurs the story of VLD forward.

Stay tuned for a companion meta soon, in which we will discuss these forms of love and how they can be twisted and taken to unhealthy extremes.

Works Cited

Dos Santos, Joaquim and Montgomery, Lauren. Voltron: Legendary Defender. Netflix.

LeakingHate, et. al. “Legendarily Defensive: Editing the Gay Away in VLD”. Team Purple Lion. 12 Mar 2019. Web. https://www.teampurplelion.com/gay-romance-cut-voltron/

LeakingHate, et. al. “Seek Truth in Darkness”. Team Purple Lion. 2 Mar 2019. Web. https://www.teampurplelion.com/seek-truth-in-darkness/ Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Eros”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3De%29%2Frws

Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Philia”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3Dfili%2Fa

Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Storge”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3Dstorgh%2F

“Self-love”. Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-love

Payne, Will. “Botany for the Beginner”. Australian Plants Online. 2006. http://anpsa.org.au/APOL2006/aug06-s1.html

Potter, Ben. “The Odyssey: Be Our Guest With Xenia”. Classical Wisdom Weekly. 19 April 2013. Web. https://classicalwisdom.com/culture/literature/the-odyssey-be-our-guest-with-xenia/

@leakinghate​ @crystal-rebellion​ @felixazrael​ @voltronisruiningmylife​

[maxbradley]

Back Into the Fray

Quiet students filtered through the criss-crossed paths, heads bowed low, peering into parchment. Some read while others took notes. A couple of professors, one stout and one tall, indulged in Tchaikovsky within their noise-cancelling padding at the music appreciation booth. The only sounds were of that of the flipping of pages and the skritch-scratch of ballpoint pens and mechanical pencils, and the occasional click of the due date stamp and stapler. Underneath the high ceiling roof of the mundane conundrum, the college library was having one of its better days. A shady area housed three individuals, two hunched over their homework assignments upon the long desk while the other laid back in the cushioned armchair reading the latest issue of Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition. "Look, Bobby, you're just as behind on your work as I am—and you haven't missed a single class!" "Wassah?" The dog took a gloved hand and lowered his blue-tinted shades, as if he never knew. "Don't play dumb!" Max hissed, keeping his voice low enough to not disturb the study of others. PJ looked away from his notebook and nodded his head in agreement before speaking, "At this rate you might as well get kicked out." Bobby groaned and covered his face with the 2-page pin-up of a voluptuous lady clad in a polka dot bikini, "But it's so boring, Economics." "At least get the first five chapters and then we could hang out at the café— "Or go out to the club— The black dog let out a smirk, "That works too, but hurry it up—I'm starving!" "Fine!" The magazine lay on the cushion as the lazy boy rummaged through his pack to take out the crumpled packets. … "Oh man—Peej, did we have to get that book too?" "Yeah. Go look for it in the Reference Section and make some photocopies; here," handing Max a five-dollar bill. He was about to protest when his best friend raised a hand, "use it." "Thanks, Peej.." ***** Goof Boy sighed as he browsed through rows upon rows of dusty covers, trying to find that book assigned for the class to buy weeks earlier. He would have stuck around for those classes, if it hadn't been for that "little incident" in the locker room… "Just my luck," through grit teeth. It had been a month after they crashed together. All Max could remember before fainting from exhaustion was being laid out on the narrow wooden bench, feeling himself clothed by the man that nearly killed him. He was able to catch a glimpse of the crimson liquid as it flowed down the metal grill, but was too tired at the time to feel sick to his stomach— And his voice. So gentle— "Max." Too familiar. Breathing stopped for a millisecond before the boy wheeled around and glared into sapphire orbs. All of a sudden the dust in the air smelled of musk. Maximilian caught himself in the last second before shouting out an obscenity, biting his tongue down.

Never did Bradley realize that they were practically the same height. It was hard to look down on the naïve individual—this supposed "good kid" on campus. Already a tinge of envy flushed his cheeks, showing red. Max felt something catch in his dry throat. Both had to look away at a wall, shelf or something to distract from this awkward first encounter after that strange afternoon. Painful seconds went by before the white dog looked down in front of the kid and cleared his throat, "How've you been?" "Terrible." "You sure about that?" "Positive." Brad growled, "Can you stop answering in one-word sentences??" "No." Deadpan look. The jock furrowed his brows closer together and raised shaking fists before shutting his eyes, and taking a good, long breath. He swore he heard a chuckle from the other guy's throat, only augmenting his frustration, "Max." as the hot air escaped him, "I just want to know if you're doing better. That's all I need to know. If you don't want to talk, I understand! I'll leave you alone— "Then why the hell are you here?!" Louder hiss— "Actually, Max, I want to know, if… " Bradley trailed off on his words as a classmate of theirs strutted by, the girl's hips swaying—She wasn't alone. The dark-skinned chick was followed by a couple others, equally attractive. Max couldn't help but follow Brad's gaze, but was left in his spot as the senior caught up to the chatter and began to work his black magic. In a matter of minutes the students were giggling madly, blush attacking their cheeks. Bradley didn't even have to touch them. His gentlemanly demeanor made them putty in his hands, "Why don't you all come over to the Gamma House tomorrow night? We're holding your typical frat party. Bring some more of your friends along, won't you? You lovely ladies~" He slipped them his personal business card and both males stared after their departure. Brad turned around to catch Max leaning against the shelf, mouth hanging wide open in astonishment, "How--? You just—Heh??" loss for words, The guy laughed aloud—"Shh!" from the other side of the towering wall of books—"Jealous much??" Max just looked at him, dumbfounded… "May… be?" "Well, ha, don't be. You're not a chick, are you?" "I'm not a chick!" Max's face flared with pink when his stomach doubled over and growled. Lunchtime wasn't too far off. Grateful that the ice was broken, Bradley chuckled into his loose fist and got straight to his offer, "Do you want to hang out later, tonight?" Goof was taken aback by this brash approach; the pink went a couple of shades darker before he felt a twinge within the denim cover, throwing his cheeks into a red color. And still hungry. "I, gotta go." Max was about to run away before he groaned, "I couldn't find the book I was looking for dammit!" Holding up a slip of paper in his rival's face. A thumb and finger ripped it away from his grasp and before the boy knew it he had a weight thrown into his fumbling hands. Pages fluttered before the cover slammed the hard thin carpet. "You're welcome." The senior whirled around and left him there kneeling to pick up the required Economics text. When Max knew that the man had exited the scene, he began to pant wildly, quietly. His arms shook violently, and he did everything in his power to control the blood rush flowing through his being: A bead of sweat rolled down his damp forehead, and he wiped it off just as quick. So maybe he wasn't feeling oh so terrible, after all. "Max-a-million! Where'd you die off to??" The glove brushed through the black hair; the boy regained all sanity and smiled sheepishly at his friends, "Don't worry guys— It took forever to find this stupid book!" ***** "Do you want to 'hang out'?? What the hell… " Max echoed to himself and felt a chill go down his spine on this early September night. Homecoming wasn't too far off. "Whatever." Taking his gloves and rubbing his bare arms for warmth, slowly shifting his weight forward on the dark Frat Row street, sneakers kicking loose pieces of the cracked asphalt. The crunch of gravel was almost soothing as he attempted to filter his downright stupidity for even thinking to walk around these parts of the college town. Max Goof felt guilty for cutting his party with the guys short, telling them through the booming stereo and the strobe lights that he had, apparently, more homework to do. They won't be back at the dorm anytime soon. The house loomed over him in a black silhouette, the full moon glaring down on its peaked roof. Like some haunted mansion. He shuddered. The wooden planks creaked with each careful step. He held his breath as he faced the slab separating him from his living hell. The unsure hand curled onto itself. Max took a breath as if diving into a pool, shut his eyes and tightened the fist. Then, the weight came down. "Don't bother." The silence shattered. The boy almost cracked his neck to see a flash of red that disappeared within the orbs and darkened features of his predator, "So, you really want this, don't you?" A devilish smirk. "You almost gave me a heart attack!" The other hyperventilating. "Aren't you a little young to have that?" "Shut up!" A practical yell. Bradley burst laughing in good health, "If we were friends, I'd say you're the funniest one I've had!" What is wrong with this freak?! A manly pat on the back took on a firm grip, "Come on in~" The door opened with ease; practically open. Maximilian took this precious time to scan the whole house; they walked at a normal pace. He spotted a billiard table, an unlit fireplace and mantle, a mirror, their coat of arms. Everything was coated in thick shadows; no one seemed to be here. Eerie. The path separated into two hallways. The boy lost his sense of direction. Pretty soon the two went up a flight of grand stairs, scarlet and velvet and a shine of pale yellow in the moonlight, "Is this gold?" Gloves ran a finger on the railing as he whispered in awe. "Easily impressed—like a child, I see." The dog blushed in embarrassment, "I'm not a child." "Don't lie to me, kid—you might have gone nuts the last time but I can still see your innocent self," "What?" Max frowned, "I don't remember that." Bradley seemed a little confused himself, "Well, yeah, don't you—?" he coughed violently as if erasing over what he just said, "—Does your head still hurt, Max?" " . . . It's fine." A heavy silence hung over their heads when they reached the end of the bedroom hall, in front of dark double doors, etched with a plethora of carvings—symbols. Thousands of eyes stared the couple down from the thick wood. Columns on both sides of the door touched the ceiling, frilling out at the top in the form of wings—intricate, and overpowering. The largest eye radiated with the glitter of gold dust with elegance, a menace. Above everything . . . "This is…” - hating to sound feminine as the boy's eyes drank this work of art in, "beautiful." "Dangerous." Two strong hands pushed the barrier open. Bradley didn't even wait for the doors to close—Grabbing a rough hold around the boy's waist, the other hand thrust into Max's shirt and rubbed up, down his sides, back, chest— The nipples hardened through the black fur, "Bradley!— "You're mine." A deep growl—dark and sensual; Max jolted with ecstasy despite his mental protests, "stop—!" Already sweating, the jock removed his thick sweater and began to unbutton a crisp, super-thin work shirt with such fervor, "Take it off!—"What?!" "Off!" Going into the sophomore's neck and taking a forceful tongue to the shoulder blade, within— "Brad”—a playful bite, "Bradley!" he breathed. Panting wildly, Max saw bare fingers exposed when his personal enemy removed the glove. Ebony took the bottom of his pale red top and raised it up and over his head while the other, shirt open, began to suck mercilessly on his collarbone, letting his own hands run rampant across the boy's damp chest, down his abdomen.—"Oh!" growling on his own. Bradley grabbed his ass before raising his legs against the closed door and let his kisses travel wherever bare flesh resided; the deepest kiss within Max's navel—Calloused hands thrust onto the jock's head and pulled at his hair in tight fists pushing inward to his skull—All at once Max heard a crazed voice within him, Crush it. Before the command carried out, he let out a groan when something pressed against the bulge in his jeans—The young man bit through the rough material at something hard and quivering— "F—Fu—!" Max couldn't even finish his cursing—The man under him began to suck harder through the denim, "Moan." "Godda—"Do it!!" "No!" Max bit his lip and belted out a scream—"I said do it—kid!" "NO!" Bellowing and letting a fist slam onto Brad's head— The senior convulsed in rage and tore away from the wall, letting the kid take a hard fall on his rear end— "Ow! Brad, what the hell—!" Shoulders pinned against the wall, "Max. You wanna have a good time? You play nice. And I'll give you a good time." The boy glared at his contorted expression; throat scratched to gather up enough saliva to spit in the leader's face—"You play, breaking the rules, and I'll give you a rough screwover—You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Last couple of words a harsh whisper. Max paled and choked a bit on the mouth's acid as he swallowed it down. " . . . I don't. I-I'll, play”—hating himself for saying this—"nice." Brad removed the shirt completely, "Good." A sudden smile escaped his lips and the other shuddered—being carried up in fleshed strong arms like a woman to bed— A woman. Max's dignity shot to the ground—"Stop that! Let me go—Brad!!" Flailing arms fisting his chin trying to crush the jaw— "Dammit, Max!" Eyes wild—"You're not making this easy for either one of us!" "Well then I guess this is a good thing!" He spat. The jock grit his teeth madly and rather threw him into the sheets— Blood red, luxurious, silken sheets—"Max! You're such a bitch!" Yelling at his face, which reverted back to that deadpan look, "That makes two of us." Lip curled. The white dog leered over the other, who sat himself up to maintain equal eye level—Both glared into each other's pupils, one with damaged pride; the other with a latent wrath… Minutes trudged on in the muck of their hatred for each other… Yet, at the same time… "You're such a stubborn bitch." "Thank you." letting out a sigh. Bradley's eyelids closed halfway, taking a hand through his own hair, and then brushed though Max's, fingers smoothly running down that floppy ear. The fingers cupped his chin, gentle. Silent. Their frowns stayed in place; but then slowly loosened—relaxed, even.  As lips moved closer together Max had to look away, behind him, embarrassed. The lids of both males drooped filtering out any light, the dim light cast upon them in an ominous glow. Their world went black when tissue made contact, softly. Max didn't know why, but he felt almost safe in this isolation. He kissed back, holding on to Bradley's bottom lip— The jock felt a hot rush to his cheeks and tilted his head, twisting his neck to get past the muzzle and into the crevice… The enemies could not restrain themselves any longer—"Max!" The senior took a deep breath of oxygen and thrust his tongue within the boy's mouth, he doing the same—both faces flared with scarlet. The dog leaned forward, dragging Max up the bed—pressing his leg right on the crotch, bending it even more to rest upon the stomach. The boy let a hand rest within the sandy brown keratin, his own hair tousled, while the other rested at his side, leaving Uppercrust to do whatever he wished. The kiss ended. Max finally opened his eyes to a sane man, who was blushing all the while as the saliva gooped down his chin. He wiped it off and, breathing shallow, planted a small peck upon his compromised lover's forehead, beading with sweat. Tan fingers trailed down the boy's face, aching neck, breast and navel and upon the zipper—Max let out a shaky sigh as he heard the fabric being pried open, "Unbutton it for me." Goof Boy did just that. "Now mine… unzip. Slip 'em off as far as you can." If it hadn't been for the threat earlier, the black dog wouldn't have been so subservient. Bradley suddenly pulled the jeans down, underwear and all, peeled them off Max's ankles and feet and threw them off the king-sized mattress— "Hey!" Careful not to raise his voice as he saw himself exposed to his rival, who licked his lips hungrily. Pink burned the other dog's cheek, "Brad…" A long, thin finger stroked the length of the throbbing organ, down the sacs, and back up again, with the whole hand petting the tamed animal down, "Bradley." Biting his lip to suppress a moan. The stray appendages went lower, closing in to that familiar entrance—"please stop." A tiny whimper as Max dug his own fingers into the bed sheets, controlling an emerging aggravation. "I'm such a tease!" Giggling to himself, the young man finally took off his own pants and boxers. That last time, Max never bothered to check out his "friend's" package—Blushing madly, he had to look away and cough into a woven fist—Everything about his rival's body was arousing, perverted. Hanging around with PJ and Bobby for so long, he forgot what an ideal man looked like; to not have an ounce of fat in his anorexic gut. Brad could write an entire ode—an essay—on the boy's wide hips, at the same time sporting a lovely, slender waist and toned, strong legs. Had he not known any better, he would have thought that he was about to fuck a girl! He had to stop himself from coming at the very idea. The face he made the boy giggle, "pfft! Ha haha!”—delving into his dad's famous chuckle— Agh! "goddammit!" Sweat flew a mile's radius as he clamped his mouth shut! The senior got startled at first, then broke into a good humored smile, laughing at his new friend's blunder, "Cute!" "I'm not cute!" "You're sexy, then!" "What??" It took them a whole minute to calm themselves down. As they controlled their breathing Max had sat up and leaned his head onto Brad's shoulder. This surprised him; he expected a tight wound fist. Unsure of what to do next, an arm hesitantly raised itself, curling and uncurling fingers until they hovered over Max and rested on the side of the neck. "What now?" Goof Boy asked. The dominant nature of the young man returned. He twisted his neck in the direction of the voice and gave Max a kiss on the cheek, "Make a wish on the Morning Star… and close your eyes."

[neshabeingchildish]

League of Extraordinary Geniuses || Chapter 1

A/N: I never actually rated this, I don’t believe, but there’s a little bit of cussing here, I can’t tell you yet exactly which direction everything is going in. I’m predominantly an angst writer and I do have a lot to give to this story, mainly with Chase, just because, plain and simple... I don’t know if that man has really had people in his corner the way that he’s needed in the past, so there’s things to work through with him in particular and there’s always things to sort of try to get over and into in relationship dynamics and moreso when more people are involved than two. Also, at least two of these people are workaholics, so work projects, assignments, flashbacks, etc, will be something that is likely to appear a lot as a backdrop. The work won’t always be things that we, or even sometimes they agree with, but it’ll be there. Tagging only who I heard from last time @kiddangers @sunbeameyes @just-a-j-reallly @supercasperprincesslove-blog Let me know if I need to take you off. Edit: Thunderbolt headcanon from flashback was introduced to me by @famousflowermagazine (You don’t have to read, but I wanted to make sure that I credited your idea)

They’re the Same Picture

Charlotte woke up to the hyper sounds of the excited yipping of puppies and she immediately got out of bed and headed for the courtyard. The caretaker was out there, minding them, but when they saw Charlotte, they rushed back to her and she waved to let the caretaker know that the puppies were coming with her. They were light brown with black ears, and wearing matching little malleable outfits. She brought them to her lab and let the caretaker worry about accepting her guests, because she left her phone in the bedroom and she was not going to pick it up any time soon. 

She had one group chat titled Defenders for herself, Henry and Jasper, and it was the most used one in her phone. She had one titled Bionic Forces, for Chase and his siblings, and sometimes Donald. She had been added to that one at one point by Leo, whenever he had to casually ask her a question that she could somehow feel was tied to a catastrophe that he and his older brother, Adam were trying to evade at the Academy (and if she was being honest, one of them probably started), and she didn’t get involved again in that one until after she met Chase and he at’ed her to say that he realized that she had been in this old GC of theirs before. Now, she frequently visited and used it. 

She had one titled Elite Force, one titled T-Force, and one titled Danger Force and she hadn’t thought about how many Force teams had a GC with herself and the members, or even the fact that she knew several Force teams, until those three were active and she kept switching between the 3, one particular day. IF. EVER. There was another triple crisis, she vowed that two androids would have to get onto cloned phones and be her, because trying to sort out more than a dozen names and comments for a foreseeable incident was… a mess. 

Fortunately, Chase, Max, and Mika each took initiative in their respective chats after a while to be the point of contact and unclutter the chat at the time. But still… There were androids capable of evaluating very accurately exactly what Charlotte might think and say to responses.

She had several GCs that were business related, several that were science-for-fun related, one that was the Bionic Academy mentors, one that was everyone that she knew who had bionics, one that was everyone that she knew who was a superhero, one that was her team of androids, and one that was her lab workers. 

She was a busy woman who knew busy people, but she also was the type that liked to be helpful to friends and associates and to keep up with her loved ones and business relationships. So, most of the ones who she had GCs with… They also individually texted with her, as well.

Currently, her most frequent ones were from Henry or Jasper, who truth be told, would likely be texting her frequently for the rest of the three of their lives as lifelong best friends. Almost as frequently though were Chase Davenport and Max Thunderman.

It was a little shocking to her after she met Chase, to find out that they were extremely alike in a lot of ways, considering how differently the conversations she had with each of them went. Chase was always the perfect gentleman. If she mentioned a problem, he would factually assess it, give her stats, numbers, wish her well and ask her to touch base with him later to let him know if his assistance was fruitful. 

Max was less precise, but as correct in advice… he could probably give her stats, but knew that they weren’t usually needed and it wasn’t his default to calculate outside of an invention or something where exact numbers were necessary. Also, he was a little more profane. 

Whereas Chase might say something like, “I’m sorry that they’re making you jump through these hoops at a place of business. That is terrible customer service. Do they not realize who you are?”

Max would say, “Those guys are dicks. Just drop your name and get ‘em fired.” 

Which… was in essence the same response, to her, as their responses frequently were, and yet worlds apart. That was who they were, in her mind too. The same great person presented in two extremely different, but equally attractive ways. She valued them on the same level, though she was closer to Max, because she had known him longer and gone through more with him.

Whenever Max posted his video journal of gadgets and inventions, Charlotte noticed (and this was whenever she was in Dystopia, towards the beginning of the trio’s rise in popularity there), that he had both artwork of Dystress, her alter ego on his wall, and Charlotte Page accolades. News and fanfare!

She honestly lost her shit for a moment and squealed to Henry and Jasper, “This guy that creates gadgets and shares them online KNOWS ABOUT ME!” They had been in the habit of listening to her, but what were the odds of some dude from Hiddenville who posted science projects online for nerdy strangers like Charlotte to wind down, chewing on ice and making comments like, “I didn’t expect that to work out so well. This dude’s a genius!” just knowing about Charlotte, tucked away in one of the most silenced charities in Dystopia?

She pointed out and zoomed in on things on his wall - framed photos of her at gizmo fairs, plaques of her stats in Swellview, etc, and on THE SAME WALL, her with her purple hair and the mask that covered the bottom half of her face, many, MANY shots of her and stories about the mysterious new three Defenders who appeared in Dystopia and began vigilante justice. “That dude knows who you are, Char,” Henry said, worried.

Stressed out, she made a whole account and sent a private message, “So, I saw on your wall that you have the Dystopian Defenders. That’s cool. I like them.”

He almost immediately answered, because he was simply at home, and he was interested in fanboying any chance that he got. “Not so much interested in the Defenders as The Damsel.She’s currently my muse.”

She replied too quickly, “She prefers to be called Dystress.” The she winced and wished she could take it back. How would someone know that? Maybe another hardcore fan? There were a lot of clips of her online...

Well, that had done it. Because, now this complete stranger seemed to be trying to suggest to Max that THEY knew his favorite underground vigilante better than HE did, and before he decimated them, he was curious who he was about to destroy. “Is that something she told you?”

“I’ve heard it around Dystopia...”

He kept up the conversation long enough to trace her IP address and phishing her account. He almost fell out of his chair.“Are you Charlotte Page???”

“WHAT?” She screeched out loud, then typed, “Is that the other Black woman on your wall? You know… People are gonna think that you’re obsessive… or have a fetish... or something unbecoming.”

“I’m a fan. I didn’t mean to alarm you… So… WAIT… You’re Charlotte Page AND you are a Dystress fan AND you’ve seen my series??? This is perfect! This is like a DREAM for me! Or… is this like one of those things where you contact me and tell me that it’s creepy that I have your stuff on my wall? Because, honestly, that’s fair. It’s just… I looked up some of your work and you were super brilliant, but we’d met previously under not so great circumstances, so I didn’t want to be that guy and make it weird, but this is just how I’ve decorated my workspace. I just admire your work, a lot.”

Charlotte had watched --she didn’t know how many of this dude’s invention videos -- Every time she saw his face, a glimmer of a thought that he looked familiar passed through her mind, but his face wasn’t on screen most of the time. The focus would be on his hands and his inventions, so she didn’t notice his face too much. The way that the human brain works, she simply put it out of focus and subconsciously presumed she’d seen his face there, in the videos.

But, now that he said it, she gasped again. Realizing the familiarity, she dropped a phone number. She did NOT want to continue this conversation on the same device he had just hacked, and she had a burner phone on her.

“Hello?” She said. It took him only long enough to pick up his phone and dial while looking at the computer for him to call her.

“Is this real???” He asked. “Are you honestly Charlotte Page?” Before she could even answer, he continued, “I am absolutely freaking out!” 

It was a far cry different from the first time they crossed paths, the time that she had remembered only after he made it known that they had before. When he was a little villain-to-be. She hadn’t gotten a very good look at him, but her eyes had at least passed over his face a little, years before.“What do you want?” She asked, through her teeth. “To expose me?” 

“Expose?” He gasped and lowered his voice, but heightened his excitement, “Are you some kind of criminal mastermind, because I can totally dig that.”

“I’m…” She looked at the muted video where she had been studying his wall and she realized something. There weren’t photos of each, next to each other. There were no lines, or notes or string... He didn’t know that those were the same people. He didn’t know that she was the Damsel of Distress. He really was... just a fan of both of them. Maybe it was subconscious on his part, but she didn’t feel like he was playing mind games or anything. And… he had powers, so exposing her wouldn’t be wise for him or other supers. 

“Charlotte? Are you still there? I’m not gonna expose you, if you were waiting on an answer to that. But, I’ve gotta tell you… I’m a superhero now and if we gotta cross paths while you’re in your criminal phase… I mean… It’ll be AWESOME and like hella fun… but, I’d have to take you down. Duty and all that.”

Now, she laughed. “The Dystopian cops haven’t been able to, but give it your best shot.” There was a long pause and then a longer gasp, then the exhaling and declaration, “CharlottePageisalsotheDamselandIcan’tbelieveIdidn’tnoticeitbefore!”

“I prefer Dystress. With a “Y,” like Dystopia + Mistress… The Damsel of Distress was supposed to a clever one liner and nothing more. Some overgrown goon caught me about to tamper with supplies that we needed to steal from the criminals to give to the kids in our charity, and he said something like, “Looky here, a damsel in distress,” and…”

“And you, a 4’11 (I can’t believe that I didn’t even place your identical measurements to figure this out), you touched your wrist, hulked up somehow and beat him with his own weapon, then said, “More like a Damsel OF Distress,” and it was caught on security cameras. I HAVE that footage. I’ve gotten probably every piece of footage of you that has been recorded. I am not kidding when I say to you, that I am your biggest fan.”

“You’d think that with that wall you’ve collected,” she said, her wide smile evident in her voice. She knew that the kids in Dystopia stanned Dystress. They would tag her name and image all over the place and whenever in costume, girls and women always gave her stuff, sometimes, what appeared to be their last. She would refuse it and give them whatever she had on her to spare. 

Dogfight was in essence sleepwalking through battle, so even though he could reply to people (in Spanish), they usually didn’t understand it and generally didn’t talk much to him.  

Deflector was just that, on or off the battlefield. Henry had never mastered lying, that much was sure, but found that avoiding questions because he only spoke English, or if they spoke English, simply deflecting the conversation instead of making up something worked better for his mystery and his cover than lying ever did. 

Dystress was the one who spoke with the people. She spoke their language. She spoke to them as people. All of the Defenders were heroes to the Dystopian downtrodden, but Dystress was like a motherly hero. She could be both that ferocious bear whose cubs are threatened but she generally delivered the goods while Dogfight and Deflector fought off the criminals. Her covered face and purple ombre locks were what they saw right before they had meals that weren’t drugged to kidnap them or rotten. The image that they saw whenever they got clean socks, soap and towels...

“What are you thinking about?” Max wondered, his voice now soft, having regained control of himself after this wondrous discovery.

“I’m hoping that my secret really is safe with you and I’m appreciating being noticed by someone who I didn’t have to help save, first.”

He smiled, “Of course your secret is safe with me. I admire everything you do, apparently as you and her. I’d never let myself be a threat to you.” She was smiling on the other end and he knew it, but he also knew that this was a Dystopia line and probably a burner she got from a corner shop. He needed a doorway in. He didn’t want to let her slip through his fingers. “I can probably actually help you, you know? I have a lot of resources, with T-Force. Dystopia is a red level city. Every time the Hero League has assigned someone, they either die, quit, or turn, because the crime is like a hydra. It would only take a mention that the heroes there need supplies for me to get approval to bring some.” There was another long pause and he said, “I wish I could see your face right now.”

“You can see it… As soon as we get some supplies.”

“How do I contact you? I know this is a burner you’re on.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think this is a burner you’re on and I got your number when you called. Thanks in advance… what should I call you?”

“My name is Max.”

“Thank you, Max.”

“My pleasure, Charlotte.” They both smiled and hesitantly hung up their phones. But, Charlotte was looking forward to seeing “her biggest fan” in person… ESPECIALLY if he was using his power to come with supplies. 

After a few weeks, he made good on that. She sent him a list and asked, “Is this asking too much?” He was confused at first, because it was a different phone number, but whenever he saw the list, he knew who it was from and he smiled brightly. “Not at all. I can be there by Friday. Send me coordinates to wear to meet you.”

The Defenders were there. T-Force shook hands with them and commended them on volunteering to take on Dystopia. They unloaded everything onto a trolley and Thunder Man was explaining to Deflector and Dogfight that once everything was out of the transport, his youngest could teleport them to wherever they felt safe to bring it. 

Charlotte realized that they had brought twice the amount she requested when she placed the order, and Max added, “We also took donations up from the Hero League and transferred the total into yen, in case something comes up in between now and next time that you need us.” 

“You’d do this again?” She wondered.

“For you? Are you kidding?” He laughed, but was silenced when she practically leaped up so that she could throw her arms around his neck. Nobody was paying attention, because the rest were working. He was staring into her eyes, because that was all he could see, and it definitely was enough for him to recognize them from footage of her Spelling Bees and stuff, but, he wondered, “Could I see...” he didn’t get a chance to finish the question and she pulled down her mask, stuck her tongue out and smiled. “I’d do this however many times you need,” he finished.

Since then, they’d been gravy. Chase took much longer to warm up to her like that, and even when he had, his gushing in her presence, was generally due to some exciting news, findings, work, etc. He hadn’t gushed over her like that, and Max did not mind doing so, at all. Really, the fact that she was always comparing the two in her mind was how she came up with this idea to… well… to ask them to come on an adventure with her towards saving the world. 

She knew that she could tell Max to do anything and he would say yes and figure out how. Chase would WANT to say yes, but have some questions and need some reasonable answers. He would ultimately say yes, whether or not she was able to provide them, but he would be out of his comfort zone without a fully detailed, full transparency blueprint and trajectory. But, he would say yes no matter what she gave him because, if she knew one thing about both these people, it was that they both trusted, respected, and she hoped, loved her, and they listened to her for these reasons. SO, she would always try to reciprocate it. That was something that she knew that they didn’t always get. Max from knowing him and his family for several years and Chase from mostly Douglass and Leo’s stories. Chase only ever seemed to talk about his attributes and advantages. He never complained about the things that she’d heard about his life. Or maybe, he just didn’t trust her that much yet. 

She opened a GC with the three of them and asked them when they could all meet sometime in the near future. Max was getting ready for a furlough and Chase was finalizing another bionic mission team for field work. She was getting ready to take a hiatus on degree work for the first time in 8 years and get settled into her castle that it took 5 years to have built. For reference, it took longer to build her castle than it did to rebuild Dystopia itself, but of course, one of these things she was paying for and the other had been greenlit by a billionaire.

Eventually, the three found where they could make the meet happen and she could hardly wait to share her ideas with them and also just spend time with both of them, instead of having to always divide herself.

.

Max was visiting, spending his furlough in the castle and Chase was there “on business,” because Mr. Davenport literally never allotted vacations for him, so Charlotte told a half truth about requiring him at her place for a few days for a special project and since they scheduled it after the formation of the most recent bionic field team, Donald approved the request, but reminded him that he would still be on call, if needed.

“Firstly, I need to apologize to you both for the short notice, but whenever I realized that you finally both were free at the same time, I made sure that we could all get together! I’ve… introduced you two before, right?’

Chase raised an eyebrow and studied Max. She had never introduced them, but she talked about Max to him a lot, and pretty fondly from how he recalled. “I’ve never seen this man before in my life,” Chase said. It was partially true. He had not met him face to face or even crossed him in passing. They were once in Dystopia at the same time, but although she planned to introduce them, both had avoided allowing it to happen.

Max said, “That’s your boss’ little kid, right?” Max knew exactly who Chase was. He had read about him, seen his work, talked to Charlotte NUMEROUS times about his ideas, and even was impressed by him, sometimes, But he also knew that there was no way that this dude didn’t know who he was. Therefore, two could play that game. “The one that doesn’t really fight much,” he added for good measure. Chase narrowed his eyes. He fought all of the time, but people often reduced his efforts because he didn’t have feats like the members on his team. He had better feats…

“Chase Davenport!” Charlotte corrected Max and cut him off at the same time, seeing it might turn into a pissing contest if she didn’t rein it in, “Mission Leader of the world’s first bionic mission team, Mentor at the Davenport Bionic Academy, he creates most of the bionic teams that you see on the news during missions!” She proudly announced.

Chase blushed and shuffled his feet bashfully, then said, more confidently, to Max, “I do more than that, actually…”

“Cool,” Max said and made a little sound with his mouth, to which two puppies came trotting into the foyer to him. “Hey, Buddies!” He cheered and began to love talk to the brown puppies with black ears. 

Chase wondered, “Oh, you have pets?”

Max collected both puppies into his arms and stood, “Have you not been invited here, yet?” He asked, meaning for it to sting.

Charlotte interjected, “Chase is usually too tied up in missions for social visits, so this is his first time being able to stop by and his first time seeing them.”

“They’re her kids,” Max said.

Chase cleared his throat and wondered, “I’m sorry, what?”

“These are the Swagger twins,” Charlotte clarified.

Chase let out a sigh of relief, then immediately engaged with the puppies, while Max grimaced, still holding both. “They should be about two years old, shouldn’t they? Why are they puppies and not full grown dogs? Also, why are they dogs?” And both pups became toddlers in Max’s arms, causing Chase to flinch a moment, but he still petted both their heads. 

“They have shapeshifting bionics with identical coding,” Charlotte said. “Jack had very specific speculations for them. He wanted them to be male presenting, have certain traits from himself and certain ones from Cheyenne, and identical bionics that were allotted for them to transform into dogs. They are currently puppies because they’re too young to realize that a two year old dog would be full grown and probably too small to do it, if they knew it.”

“Why does Jack Swagger want his kids to be able to turn into dogs?” Chase asked, very confused.

Max grumbled, “Because celebrities are weird and gross!”

Charlotte laughed and said, “Jack’s fiancee is Max’s former celebrity crush. He’s been moody since the engagement,” she laughed. “I, on the other hand am DELIGHTED that celebrities are weird and gross. Jack has funded all of my private research on genomic architecture JUST so he can both have perfect babies with his future wife AND also have dogs.”

“Whatever happened to good old fashioned going to a third world country and buying a desperate mother’s kid from her because they’re both starving?” Max asked and scoffed.

Chase, ignoring the rhetorical question, asked, “Why do you have his two year olds at your castle?”

Charlotte shook her head and said, “Oh, these boys aren’t going to go to him. He’s not going to actually collect until I get the formula for the perfect sons who shift into the perfect dogs, with the perfect model bionic chips, and I’m going to take that to create the embryos for their surrogate.” She forced a smile and her eye was twitching, but it was extremely lucrative, if not incredibly privileged and highkey eugenics.

“Weird and gross,” Max repeated.

“Well,” Chase ignored Max again, “Where are they going to go?” He wondered, concerned about the Swagger twins. 

Charlotte laughed and said, “Budding Flowers,” like it was obvious.

“That orphanage?” He asked, a little bit horrified.

“It’s really more like a boarding school,” she told him. “And shelter for orphans. People aren’t exactly adopting them.”

“But… these boys are bionic. Aren’t the kids there all… normal?” Chase wondered.

She pointed to him and said, “You are absolutely right! We need a bionics specific orphanage/education center. I propose either in Dystopia or Centium City.”

“Why not on the island?”

“Are you kidding? You think she’s gonna hand her babies over to Davenport after how he raised you?” Max asked. 

“Max!” Charlotte hissed and held her hands out like wtf. Chase was definitely a little bothered. Charlotte tried to explain, “Excuse him for that. Sometimes Dougie complains about The Dom whenever we’re hanging but I don’t know WHY Max would bring any of that up!” She threw Max a look. Max looked unbothered.

Chase squinted, “He… knows my Uncle Douglas?”

“He’s your dad, Dude,” Max said.

“Douglas just TELLS people these things???” Chase said, highly upset, now.

“No. It’s mostly been said in what was supposed to be confidence. With the two of them both being on the board of the Max O. Thunderman Rehabilitation & Reformation Metropolis.”

“I like to call it the Maxtropolis,” Max said, smirking with his mouth and his eyebrows.

“And everyone hates when you do,” she teased. “They’ve got stuff in common.”

“You… wait… Your friend Max is ON the board at that place?”

“It’s literally named after me,” Max said.

“Yes, I realized that, but I thought it was because you were a donor or something. Douglas said that board is composed entirely of villains!” Chase said, now on alert.

“Reformed villains,” Charlotte corrected. “Like Douglas, and like Max.”

Chase ground his teeth and stared at Max. He didn’t fully always trust Douglas, at times. He certainly wasn’t ready to trust this very shifty character, so close to Charlotte AND with a villainous past? He REALLY needed to start paying more attention to others, even those that he was writing off. Now, he would have to research and review everyone that came into contact with Charlotte. How many other dangerous possible traitors did she trust in her midst? Charlotte and Max were staring at him and he realized that the puppies were too. Also, that the kids were puppies again. 

Charlotte offered, “Let’s go settle into the lounge and sit down.” She opened her hand to let Chase see were the lounge was and she caught Max’s hand and whispered as low as she could, “Why are you antagonizing him?”

“I’m not. I just don’t like him.”

“You haven’t even given him a chance!”

“I did whenever I came in and he started it. “I’ve never seen this man before in my life? You and I both know that waif has seen me before.” She covered her forehead with her fingers and lowered her face at the insult. “Furthermore, I don’t like his sanctimonious song and dance, just because he’s the poster boy for heroes, a position that he has only been granted because bionics in the past few years that they’ve been accepted have taken credit for every superhero’s victories and act like they’re doing us a favor by doing small percentages of the work and capitalizing on all of the victories!” He folded his arms and Chase turned around and looked at them. Max glared at him.

Charlotte noted still whispering, “He has super hearing. I think he’s heard us whispering.” 

“I did,” Chase said.

Max shrugged his shoulders, “Where was the lie? Bionics are just non-supes with technology. You’re only special because a madman put technology into you when you were too young to consent.” Charlotte covered her lips with her fingers this time and lowered her face again. 

“You obviously know enough about me to continue to personally attack me because of your perception of my position. If that makes you feel better, do it,” Chase said. What wasn’t about to happen was him losing his cool in front of Charlotte, or worst, inside of Charlotte’s home.

She shook her head, “I thought that the two of you would get along. There’s so much greatness inside of both of you, that I see, I guess I presumed that you would see that in each other. I had no idea that there was some kind of superhero vs bionics bad blood in you two.”

“Seriously? Because, I’ve heard that your friend here is pretty anti superheroes. Besides the members of his team, who he’s been openly negative towards (we talk, Bionic Boy), and the only super that you’ve really fully accepted was your sister, after she siphoned a little from Skylar Storm. You had supers right in front of your face, proof of our existence and you berated them and talked trash on them. At least that’s how Sky would tell it.”

“You… know Skylar too? Technically… she’s not a super. She’s an alien. All of her people are like that.”

“Wow. So not the point,” Charlotte said. “Are you actually anti-supers?”

“No! I may have said some of what he’s gossiping about, but I was younger at the time he’s speaking about, probably not much older than he was when he was aspiring to be a super villain.”

“So, NOW you know who I am?”

“I researched the information while the two of you were whisper arguing!” Chase said.

“You knew who the fuck I was when you walked into this castle, Boy! You, the smartest man in the world, who has been betrayed and bamboozled multiple times didn’t do a background search on someone who was going to be staying in the home of the woman you love and meeting up with you for possible business? I’m not the smartest man, but I’m not a dumbass, either. You absolutely looked into me, just like I’ve been looking into you from the first time she mentioned your name. Maybe you could get a fast one on the simpletons you’re usually surrounded by, but Char and I? We're in the genius leagues.” 

Chase was breathing hard and eyeballing Max, looking a bit menacing and sort of hovering over him. Chase scanned him over and Charlotte stepped between the two of them, into Chase’s line of sight. He seemed to calm down and she was grateful, because he’d looked pissed and she heard that could make things get really ugly. “I heard your response, Chase and it’s valid. You were younger and didn’t subscribe to the value of superheroes. Max was young and didn’t either! Yayyy! Similarities…” She looked at both of them. They both folded their arms and scoffed, then both groaned because they’d had the same reactions. Getting them on the same page might be a hard sell. But, she had a few days. “Let me show you your quarters, and maybe everyone can have a drink and kinda…” her shoulders slumped and she sighed, unsure of what words to use.

Henry and Jasper had been friends when she met them. Douglas and Schwoz hit it off right away. These two… SHOULD have too. But, they were both extremely pissed and she felt like she’d missed something that she should have considered before bringing them together like this. That argument proved that she missed several things. She was so in love with the idea of them being science bros, she didn’t think about Chase’s trust issues and how they might affect his view of Max. She didn’t think about Douglas telling Max things that she didn’t even know about, like Chase having a past with superhero hate, or maybe just a little bigotry, but, still… She was supposed to be smarter than that. She had been judging both of them with her heart for so long… it just seemed natural that anybody else, especially one another, would adore them too.

“Charlotte, are you okay?” They both asked her in unison. She looked up and both of them looked concerned and a little guilty. They were most likely going to at least squash it for tonight, for her benefit. 

“I’m sorry for not doing MY due diligence. I just think, if you two could get past it all, you’d understand why both of you are here with me as I embark on a new chapter. You two were my first choice and it was an equal choice. It wasn’t one over the other, it was… I know that you both bring what I want and need to the table. I want it to be a table of camaraderie.” The men looked at each other with a raised eyebrow and flared nostrils. 

“It’s fine,” they both lied. At least she knew that they’d try.